Flip Flop

Ever have one of those days where you have a plan in your mind and then in one instant time seems to shift and everything thereafter is totally different? Yeah, I thought so. My sister probably gave her husband one of those moments this past weekend with her surprise trip to California. I also had one of those moments recently only mine wasn't quite that pleasant.

After a wonderful long Labor Day weekend Tuesday morning hit. I woke up before my kids, which was great, and planned to take my husband's car in to get the oil changed and the state inspections done. Not the best of errands, but I was really looking forward to getting that one checked off my list. I had also planned to get all the laundry done.

A while later my daughter woke up with a cough. And she didn't want to eat breakfast. A little unusual for her, but sometimes she decides not to eat a meal and is totally fine. I thought to myself hmm, maybe I should stay home today. Then I decided that Daniel and I went to the trouble of moving out both car seats and I also really don't like to drive his car now that there's no AC so I was getting it done today. I called a friend who graciously told me that she would watch Greg for me and I could take Charlotte with me to the tire place.

We get to the tire store and at this point I'm feeling pretty great. Yes, Charlotte is coughing a bit, but nothing that should worry anyone and she's being so good just sitting on my lap. I stupidly think to myself maybe I should always take her to the car place sick! She's totally behaving!

It is precisely at that moment that time sort of slowed down to stopping while my sweet little girl erupted in vomit. It came out of no where, and boy did it come! She was sitting on my lap so there wasn't even any evasive actions I could have taken.

As my day suddenly morphs into a new and smelly shape I look up at the two middle aged men working at the desk. The look on their faces was plain to read, "I'm NOT cleaning that up." I totally didn't expect them to, but at least that part was a bit funny. My car hadn't even been taken back, which I'm sure everyone was grateful for.

After cleaning up the mess I said, "I think I'm just going to take my child and go. I'll reschedule." To which the two men replied, "Good idea." They had my keys back to me in record time.

Unfortunately Charlotte didn't keep anything down the entire day. Which means puke in the car on the way home, puke in her bed, puke on her little green bean bag chair, puke on my big green recliner, puke pretty much everywhere.

That was not the day I had intended to have when I woke up that morning.

Rooting for the Home Team

After call days Daniel gets to have a half day of work. Presumably this is for sleep. Instead of that my husband spent his day post call taking his daughter to her first ever baseball game. Also? He took photos because he knew I'd want to see them. Now if that doesn't make your heart burst you don't have one. The tickets were free from the library's summer reading program. Charlotte read 15 books with me so she got the ticktes. That explains why they are up so very high.

This N That

There are a few things I want to get down before I forget them, but they're not really worthy of a whole post themselves. Sorry if this is boring.

Charlotte:

• She says "me-mote" for remote
• She constantly talks about going to Aunt Heather's to climb, Grandma Denise's house to see Quinnie, and having Aunt Katie and Uncle Garrett taking her to see the kangaroo. What kangaroo? (None of which is going to happen anytime soon.)
• She's staying in bed at bedtime! This is amazing!
• She is very interested in gender. Usually it goes something like this "Baby Jimmy is a boy, and Daddy is a boy, and Tigger (Grandma LeAnn's dog) is a boy, but Rommie and Mischief (also Grandma LeAnn's dogs) are girls. Quinnie is a girl and so is Mommy."
• She's started to get mad. A lot. I was getting a little worried about it so I brought it up to Daniel. His response was, "Well she is part of the family and my family's default emotion is mad." I thought that was funny.

Greg:

• He is quite possibly the world's stinkiest baby. Not in the way you'd think though. He is always wanting to be swaddled when he sleeps, which is still most of the day, and it's hot. So he sweats. And stinks.
• He never wants to sit down. He is always wanting to stand up. He hooks his little feet onto anything that could give him leverage and pushes until his body is rigid.
• Everyone says he looks like Daniel now. I now think he looks like my dad.
• His favorite toy is the shower curtain.
• He LOVES his sister. When she's around he's always watching her. I wonder when she'll notice.
• We moved him into his crib to share the bedroom with Charlotte. This is AWESOME. In no way have the even bothered each other.

Dan:

• I can't wait for this month to end! Not that next month promises to be much better, but at least he'll be closer to home.
• For future reference, if you're calling home because you want me to know you're going to be late, but I don't pick up, the proper thing to do is to leave a message. If you don't leave a message, I will then spend the next 2.5 hours until you call me back worrying that what was really going on was that you were kidnapped and you were sending me an SOS to call the police to come find you. When I try to call you back and you don't answer because you're with a patient, it just leads me to believe that you are gagged and tied up and I really need to go get help. That's the way my mind works. Because that type of thing happens all.the.time.
• How exactly do you function on so little sleep?
• I'm so glad you and Charlotte will be going to the Cardinals game on Thursday. I think you guys will really have fun with each other.

Me:

• I've made an exercise goal for myself. I'm exercising for 100 days and at the end I'm buying myself a new outfit. Pretty awesome huh?
• Because I'm 7 I made myself a sticker chart to track my exercising progress. Yes, stickers are a great daily reward for myself because I'm cool like that. My favorite are the foil stars. Do you remember those?
• My mom is coming this weekend to visit and I'm so ridiculously excited.
• I cut out my new quilt kit a while back and started to sew it together yesterday. I wasn't paying enough attention to seam allowance though so now I have to unpick everything I sewed yesterday. Great.

Logic

Charlotte and I have four or five conversations that run in a constant loop throughout the day. Here is a sample of my least favorite:

Me: "Charlotte please don't do that."
Charlotte: "But I can."
Me: "I know you can. I'm asking you to please not."
Charlotte: "I will."
Me: "Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop."

I'm not entirely sure how to impart the idea that just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.

Give Away

Not mine. I have nothing worth giving away at the moment. My cousin Hilary though is a very talented artist. She has an etsy shop and is having a give away. You should go check it out.

Magical

I got tired of seeing that last post at the top of the screen when I looked on my blog so I thought I'd post something a little more fun. When she was visiting us Grandma LeAnn bought us a year membership to The Magic House. I think living in St. Louis is going to ruin me for the rest of the country. There are so many awesome kid things to do here (which are free or really cheap) and The Magic House is no exception. Thanks to our membership we will be getting photos like these for the rest of the year:

Charlotte is taking a ride in Cinderella's carriage.

Here she is driving what I think is some sort of pretend delivery vehicle.

Coping

So third year is hard. Not last month. Last month was a breeze. I kept hoping that the month would never end. Which basically means that it was over in an instant. This month slammed into me and keeps right on going with a seemingly endless marathon of coping. It's like summer skipped right past fall and landed me in the middle of winter. (That analogy only works if you're not talking about the climate of St. Louis. In St. Louis summer is a season to avoid. Don't ever vacation here in August. You might just die.)

I recently read a good friend's post about his hours during third year and what he's doing and they are what I imagine my husband to be doing right now as well. All I can say is that he's gone. He'd be here, with me and with our children, if he could, but he can't. Right now we are sacrificing with the faith that it will be worth it in the end. Mostly I think I'm doing just fine. Mostly I think we're coping well.

And then.

Then Charlotte wakes up from her nap asking, begging, for me to get Daddy. What a joke right? Now, when he can't be here, she's finally decided that she prefers him for some things. Not only that, we can't try to call him because he doesn't get great reception in the hospital and he might be too busy to talk anyway.

Then we're with a group of other women and children with spouses in medical school or residency. They're all talking about what their husbands are doing. The conversation is light and fun. Suddenly I'm thinking about Daniel being gone and having to put the kids to bed by myself three days in a row and I start to get choked up a bit.

Intellectually I know many other families go through similar situations. I also know that many families go through much tougher challenges. That doesn't change the coping that has to go on in our family when Daniel-the husband, friend, dad, lover, joker, and anchor-is gone. We hope he is energized about what he's doing and learning. We love to see him take the next step towards our collective goal. We also miss him.

I Bet You're Jealous Now

So this is the post wherein I make you all wish you could be me. Just letting you know. Today we went with some friends to pick blackberries. Here are the photos of the day.


We started out the day bright eyed and bushy tailed and on the bus to the blackberry patch.

Then we picked and ate and picked and ate the blackberries.

Charlotte didn't quite understand being gentle while picking so mostly she smashed the blackberries in her little hands.
She also managed to get quite a few in her mouth and all over her face. I'm not sure if you can really see it in the photo, but she did mange to get blackberry in her right ear.

After my kids get up from their naps I'm calling my friends to come over and make freezer jam with me. It's gonna be great.

Getting Better

The last few days Charlotte has actually asked me for things politely without needing to be reminded. It's been amazing. Not every time, but to even have it happen on its own has been a little relief. Then today we went and visited her best friend and the two of them are doing SO MUCH BETTER about not fighting. Charlotte still has a way to go, but I can see a definite improvement. That's comforting.

Also, Greg has decided to start putting things in his mouth and grabbing for toys within reach. He's getting so big! It's exciting. Pretty soon we'll have baby slobber on everything!

Growing

Daniel says he can't remember ever having growing pains. I do. I remember laying in bed one night when I was young and my legs just aching with them. Does anyone else remember having those? When I told my mom about them she let me know that it was happening because I was growing so fast. That's why when I learned about how sometimes people cut their bones and then use screws to have them grow back longer I just cringed. That would be so painful.

I feel like the last three months of my life I've had a different sort of growing pain. I feel like I can literally feel myself growing in my abilities as a mom, and sometimes it isn't pleasant, but always it amazes me.

I worried about not being able to love my second child as much as I do my first. Honestly it didn't happen right away. Now though, I feel the love I have for him opening up in my heart like a huge well with no bottom. An eternal capacity to love him. He can coo and sit and loves to have me hold his hands to stand up. He's learning to laugh and it's so funny to watch him try. He is always looking around for his sister. He is amazing. When I see him I think to myself, how could anyone not absolutely love him?

I'm also being pulled to see how much I can get done in a day. This sounds a little shallow after talking about my love for my son, but it is significant. At times it really has been a confidence booster and at other times one of the most discouraging parts to my day. I can accomplish more today than I ever could when Charlotte was 3 months old. I have a greater capacity than I thought. I know this because each day has more activities and tasks than I can get done. Every.day. I have learned to pick and choose what I will be doing.

I'm growing in my ability to lovingly discipline my daughter. I desperately want her life to be puppies and rainbows and sunshine and I want to be the one that gives her every good thing that she will love all the time. In reality that can't happen and I have to be the bad guy sometimes. And I hate it. Also, I hate when I'm not successful at it-when the only thing I accomplish is making her cry and me angry. This is where the painful part of growing comes in. I'm getting better at it. I'm finding things that work and things that do not work and knowing that I'm getting better feels really good.

Along with disciplining my daughter my life is pulling me toward more self discipline. Confession: My life requires more self discipline than I currently have. I wish I could get up before my children so that I could use that time for myself productively. I wish I could continue to be productive all through the afternoon. I wish I didn't get angry so easily (or at all really). Unfortunately that isn't happening right now. SLEEP is way more important than any of that at the moment. I do see that little by little I am able to tuck in things I want to get done between things that I have to get done. I am also getting better at controlling my actions and words, even when I'm frustrated. I'm getting better. Not every day. Actually most days are tiny steps backward than forward, but I do see the forward movement and it makes it worth it.

So even though I sort of feel like two kids are stretching me farther than I am able, when I have enough sleep and energy to stand back and look at the situation I am ever so happy with it. My children, by just being themselves, are helping me to become the person I want to be.

A New Gem

We went to the St. Louis City Garden today and it is awesome. If you can you should go there. Next time we go I'll remember the camera. And I'll remember to not leave my glasses there.

Misunderstanding

On Sunday Charlotte temporarily broke our TV. She decided that it needed to be cleaned and proceeded to spray it with the water sprayer that I use on her hair. Needless to say, the TV doesn't do well with a bath. Overnight it dried out and everything turned out OK, but that night she was completely heartbroken to have been the one to break the TV. I desperately tried to calm her down, but nothing was working. Then I said, "Let's call Grandma and tell her what happened." Her response was incoherent bawling and nodding her head. Then I said, "You have to calm down because people can't understand you when you're crying on the phone."

Surprisingly it worked! She calmed down enough to talk to grandma and the calm did last for a little bit. So then when the tears started back up we called the other grandma and told her. It really helped.

A few nights later we were eating dinner and she started to tell us the story of the baptized TV. (She does this often when she wants to be part of a conversation.) She got to the part where I'm convincing her to call her grandparents and she says, "People can't stand me when I cry." I almost shot milk out my nose at that because it's so very true.

Progress

The weekend before Daniel started his thrid year he decided that it was high time we got the dining room painted. I'd been wanting to get it painted, but as you know, in a house this old nothing is as simple as it sounds. In order to paint the room we needed to fix any cracks in the wall and the texture of the walls so that they would match above and below the chair rail and also the rest of the house. Daniel worked very hard that weekend, but it didn't get finished.

Then third year started.

So now, a month later, we have it done. I must say that I'm pleased with how it turned out, but even more pleased with not having to eat in the living room anymore.

Here is a shot of before, just to remind you of what it used to look like. It wasn't bad, it was just really dark (and sort of purple).

Here is what it looks like now!

And yes, these photos do convince me that someone other than myself should be taking the photos of our house when we put it up for sale.

Lazy Days

My sister mentioned to me a while back about how when she's at church she hears a lot about how being a mom is really hard. Her reaction to that, not yet being a mom herself, is to think gee you're really making that sound like I should run in the other direction. I understand what those women are doing and saying while at church, they are mostly surrounded by other moms and sharing your struggles sometimes lessens them and also other moms might have a tip or two with what you're struggling with. I also think that it's important to watch what you say. Being a mom does have it's challenges, but it also has it's rewards. Too often I find myself putting my focus on my struggles and not my successes.



Like yesterday.



Do you remember when you were little and the summer days just seemed to stretch out before you with endless possibilities? I remember being in the huge backyard of the neighbor's house across the street running through their sprinkler and loving it. It's for that reason actually that I always prefer to buy that type of sprinkler for our lawn.



Getting back to yesterday, I had watched one of Charlotte's little friends in the morning and was just about as exhausted as watching two two-year-olds for about 4.5 hours can get you. After her friend left Charlotte decided she didn't need to take a nap, but boy did she ever. I decided to give up on the productivity I was going to have that day and, remembering my love of running through the sprinkler, I thought I'd try to turn it on and she if she likes it too.



She ran around it a couple of times and then was bored. I was focusing on the challenge before me and not the opportunity. That is until I realized that nobody likes to run through the sprinkler alone so I decided to go out and enjoy the summer and indulge myself. We ran through the sprinkler and around the backyard for about an hour. It was at that point that I was so happy that my daughter had such a full and fun summer day. The type of day that I had and look back on and love.


My favorite thing about being a mom is giving my children moments like yesterday. Moments that she can look back on and say she had joy and love and that her mom liked to be with her and have fun with her. I know she wont remember much of her two year old little self, but I have faith that I'm laying the foundations of future awesomeness.

Fore

Grandpa Greg purchased Baby Greg his first golfing outfit which he wore to church yesterday. He got many complements.

Also, I got an interesting view of myself from my daughter's eyes yesterday. She was being particularly bossy towards everyone last night when this conversation insued:

Dan: "Charlotte, you need to stop."
Charlotte: "No"
Dan: "You're not the boss of everyone."
Charlotte: "Yes, I'm mommy."

Apparently I must be very bossy in her eyes.

The Gateway Drug

We visited over at some friends' house last Saturday and I mentioned that I was tired of watching The Incredibles (or really hearing it from the other room) and the wife offered to let us borrow some of her movies. I told her that it would be great for a little break and went over to look. She has a much better collection than I of Disney movies so I picked up Cinderella and The Lion King. I thought Cinderella would be a hard sell for Charlotte since she prefers The Incredibles to The Little Mermaid at home so The Lion King was to hedge my bet.

We have watched Cinderella EVERY DAY since then. My daughter loves it. What's more she didn't really get The Lion King. I was surprised at how wrong I was about what she would like. Now that she knows about Cinderella I'm sure it wont be long until she finds out about the whole slew of Disney Princesses.

What to Wear

I recently received a promotional email from the Picture People. They offered to get a free picture packet including one 8x10 a sheet of 5x7 and a sheet of wallets for FREE. I called to ask if I'd need to pay for a sitting fee thinking that there's got to be a catch, but there isn't. So I scheduled another session for Greg to get his photos taken. He already had them taken by the Picture People, but I hadn't planned right so he was hungry and tired and Charlotte wasn't too happy and so the photos, though good, weren't necessarily my favorite of him. I'm excited that they're essentially giving me a free re-do! Now I've just got to figure out what to put him in.

Attitude Adjustment

You know how every so often you're going along just fine and then one day a while later you realize that you're no longer quite so peaceful, happy, or content as you used to be? I realized that last weekend. Or rather what I realized I needed was an attitude adjustment. I've been losing my cool way too much with my children, finding fault with my husband where there really isn't any, and getting overly annoyed at the little things in life that aren't exactly as I would like them.

I know what you might be thinking, "you've got a two month old baby, that explains a lot." But the thing is that I don't think that's it. Or maybe it is, but I don't want to use that as an excuse. I don't feel like that's it anyway.

So I've decided to make a conscious effort to stay positive. Like last night when I'd worked really hard to clean the house (I even vacuumed under the couch cushions) and then still had the kitchen to clean after putting Charlotte to bed. I could really have lost it right then. I felt myself getting really mad, but then I thought, what's the point? So I just did the dishes and wiped off the counters and then as I was walking out of the room, just before I turned off the light I looked back at the clean kitchen knowing that my entire house was clean. That was a good feeling.

Or today when I took the kids to the Botanical Gardens with some friends. This is an activity that Charlotte normally loves, at a time she is normally most energetic, but not today. We made it all the way to the back of the gardens to feed the fish (which is what she requested in the first place) when she decided she wanted to be carried. I had Greg in the baby carrier and no stroller so we walked the entire way back to the entrance with her howling. My saintly friend took her 9 month old baby out of her stroller so I could put Greg in it and deal with Charlotte. I tried to get her to stop crying but it was no use. I wasn't carrying her after she acted like that. The people passing us were literally staring as snot was shooting out her nose. When we were close to the exit one very helpful father said, "You're almost there." I could have gotten frustrated that none of my plan had worked out that day, OK, well, I was mad. But instead of losing it I just laughed because there was nothing else I could do. I had tried my best and things just didn't work out.

So anyway, my point is that I'm trying to stay more positive and on top of things. I really am. My plan is to try and overlap naps at least a little and take some time to just relax. Everyone needs a break right?

4th of July--Take 2

My camera battery died on the 4th of July so I didn't get to take these. Here's what my kids wore to church on the 5th. Here's what they wore on the 4th.

Aren't they the cutest?

We've Got Worms

Night before last Charlotte woke up about midnight screaming about worms being in her bed and touching her. Daniel went in to try and convince her that in fact she was dreaming and there were no worms in her bed. Try as he might he could not convince her. She knew better. So he ended up bringing her into our bed. For the first time in her life she spent the night with us. Which meant that Daniel spent the night on the floor next to the bed.

When she got up we tried to show and convince her that there were no worms in her bed, but she wasn't buying it. She refused to nap in her bed yesterday afternoon. So after dinner Daniel took her upstairs and de-wormed her bed. I pretended to look up on the computer how to get rid of worms then I told her you have to jump on your bed three times and then vacuum under the bed to suck up all the worms that fell out. If you do that three times all the worms will be gone. So she and Daniel went upstairs and did just that. It was really funny to listen to her dad very seriously tell her that she had to jump very high to get all the worms out. She actually made him jump on one end, which must have been the end that the worms were in in her dream. Then we all piled on her bed together to show her that there were no more worms. Luckily it worked and she slept in her bed all through the night.

Steak Dinners

My husband got his board score today. What a relief! He did very well and I'm so proud of him. It really made the 8 weeks or so of not really getting to see him worth it.

When I told my husband I had called my mom and sister to tell them how awesome he did he asked me if I had remembered to thank them for helping us through that time. I admit that I neglected to thank them. So to everyone that came to us for that two month time period,

Thank You!

From the bottom of our hearts. He could not and we could not have done it without you. We love you.

A Testament

When Daniel was on his mission in Chile he decided to buy a wonderful alpaca blanket. It was purchased for his future wife, which he had never met. Then I got it for Christmas the year we were engaged. I love this blanket.


When Daniel was 8 he realized how awesome all his brio train set stuff was so he packed it up and stored it. For his future children. Last vacation we were at his parents' place and we dug it out of all the stored stuff. We didn't have enough room to put it in our luggage home so Grandma LeAnn mailed it to us. It arrived yesterday and I took photos. They are a testament to Daniel's foresight and Grandma LeAnn's insight.


She had added a set of farm animal stuff.

And sent it in a big box full of packing peanuts.

For Katie

My sister says I don't show her enough photos. OK, so technically she says I don't take enough photos. Here are a few the I have taken recently.


This was after Charlotte's bath. She ran into her room and then said, "Char-lotte, Ah are you?" Which is my cue to come looking for her. I walked in and she was hiding/pretending to sleep with her stuffed animals.

I was trying to get a photo of his dimples. I know he has one, but I think he might have another one on the other side. I just couldn't time the picture right.
Here's the family after Greg's baby blessing. It is super cold in the photo so Charlotte and I are trying to fake being comfortable. I don't know if we convinced anyone.
Greg on his blessing day. He's wearing the same outfit that Daniel wore and the blanket Grandma LeAnn made especially for him.The first time I was actually able to capture a smile!

Behavior Problems

Charlotte is having behavior problems and I've got to do something about it. She's in the "MINE" phase right now and whenever she gets around her friends that are about the same age it always ends up in yelling and tears. She and the other kids feed off each other. I don't care what the other moms do with their kids but I don't want my kid to be yelling, fighting, and crying. At a loss as to what to do about this I called my mom. She gave me good advice and I'm going to implement it and see if it works. I certainly hope it does.

Because if it doesn't mommy's going to need a vacation.

Off On The Right Foot

Yesterday was the first day of Daniel's third year in medical school. This year is said to be the hardest one yet. Also, its the first year that Dan is finally no longer in the classroom. As he put it, "I'm finally out, after 18 years of being in the classroom." Needless to say he was pretty excited.

He had general third year orientation yesterday. Before that he and his group of buddies that played basketball in the mornings during second year decided to have one last hurrah game. With only a minute left of play, Daniel stepped on another guys foot and injured his ankle. He had to wear an ankle brace yesterday and when he took it off at home his ankle swelled right up. He had to wear it again today.

Today is the group specific orientation. His group is doing ambulatory internal medicine this month and he was reading stuff and getting ready for it last evening. He said the orientation started at 9 AM today. This morning at 8 AM he was finishing putting on his ankle brace and shoes and his friend calls him telling him that he needs to get to school right away. Apparently his group started at 8 AM. I quick grabbed him a bagel and cream cheese and a lunch for him and off he went. Then he had to circle back home to grab his white coat which he forgot in his mad dash out the door.

I feel so bad for him. I know this is not the impression he wanted to make on his first day. I hope that in spite of the bum ankle and the tardy arrival that today's orientation goes well for him.

4 Years

Yesterday was our 4th anniversary. We celebrated by going on an honest to goodness date. Dinner and a movie. It was so much fun just to be with Daniel and I realized how much I miss that recently. While getting ready for the date I was reminded of the change that happens with 4 years. The following conversation, that happened as we were getting ready, is a great example:

Dan: "I'm not going to shave. It hurts if I do it too much. The neck hairs have to be long enough or it will hurt."

Me: "That's OK. I'm not shaving either."

Dan: "OK."

I stinking love Daniel. He's so awesome.

Caught

While weeding the vegetable garden I am often so focused on getting out those nasty things that I don't notice much of what else goes on around me. This morning was no exception. We have two beautiful mature trumpet vines in our backyard right next to the vegetable garden. I love them, but have learned a few things about having trumpet vines. First, if you till up the area where a lot of the root stalk is to level out that ground for a garden bed you will cut some of the stalk into tiny pieces. If you leave these pieces in the ground they will become their own new plant that you then have to constantly pull out of the garden. Second, if you pull it out of the ground, but don't exactly throw it all the way out of the bed, it will re-plant itself. Third, if a vine from the original plant touches the ground long enough it will grow it's own root system and become another new plant. The trumpet vine is a very hardy plant.

All this adds up to a whole lot of weeding the stinking thing out of the vegetables. I was doing just that this morning when I looked up through the monstrous pumpkin vine and saw Suzie, our cat, walking up the back sidewalk. Happy to see her I put down my tools to start to pet her. Then she came a little closer and I saw she was bringing me a present. A live bird fighting to get free. And she was bringing it straight to me!

I did what any normal person would do. I jumped up and ran to the back door to get Daniel to save the bird. I was yelling, "Let it go Suzie! Let it go!" The door was locked so I couldn't get Daniel soon enough. Suzie brought the bird right to where I had been weeding and started to try to thoroughly kill it while I watched horrified at the back door.

Luckily this bird had a lot of fight in it because it got away and flew to the power lines by the time that Daniel got to the back door. Suzie was so disappointed. I went back to weeding and saw all the little feathers the bird had lost in the fight.

That poor little bird. Also, I'm very happy to report that the fight did not injure any of the asparagus they were tussling in.

As an aside, the garden is going fine. When we left I thought all the bell pepper plants had died, but lo and behold there's a single plant still out there. The peas unfortunately did not fare the hot weather without watering so very well. We had quite a few pea pods starting to grow before we left and when we got back they were all brown and dried. Oh well, I'll keep some for next year when we plant them earlier. The pumpkins are crazy and so are the carrots, so at least we'll have something of a crop.

Stats

Well, I forgot to let eveyone in on the 6 wk check-up!

Greg is:
12 lb 6 oz (75%) weight
23 in (75%) height
15 1/2 cm (75%) head circumfrance

So all around a very proportionate baby. Also, during the office visit the doctor put him on his tummy and he rolled onto his back. It was so awesome because she, Daniel, and I all saw it. Then he did it again at home later that afternoon.

Charlotte also had a well child check because we recently switched doctors.

Charlotte is:
27 1/2 lb (50%) weight
34 in (25%) height

Turns out she's a short little thing. The doctor said that since this was the first time Charlotte's height was measured while she was standing she might not have been standing straight. Who knows. But there you have it!

Don't Forget To...

Before we left on vacation we ate every last perishable item our house contained, and most of the other stuff too. Consequently when we got home we had exactly enough food to stretch it through 24 hours. That.was.it.

As we were eating dinner last night I thought about taking the kids grocery shopping with me on what I knew would be a huge stock the house back up again shopping trip. I decided it would be so much easier to just take one child than two. I turned to Daniel and said, "Would it be OK with you if, right after breakfast, Charlotte and I go grocery shopping and we leave you with Greg?" He said fine. So my plan was that I would make the menu and the list before bed and then we wouldn't even get really ready for the day. We would just quickly run out and back.

Well, that's not what happened. And I take full responsibility.

I didn't want to write out a menu last night and told myself Charlotte eats so slowly I'll have plenty of time to do that during her breakfast. That would have been fine if Charlotte hadn't slept uncharacteristically late to the unheard of hour of 7:30. We didn't get down to breakfast until 8. No big deal, we'll just start from there.

We got everything together and were out of the door by 9 (totally my fault because of course it will take longer to do the menu than I had planned). We went to Schnuck's and then did the big bulk item buy at Sam's Club and were pulling into the parking pad at 11. At this point I was feeling pretty darn stinking good. Look at me! I can do anything! I even got the whole thing done starting at least an hour behind schedule.

Funny thing about that hour behind schedule, your baby doesn't so much like it when you're an hour behind your schedule feeding him. And also, your husband doesn't much like it when you leave him with said baby.

Next time I will:

• Plan the menu the night before, like I was supposed to.
• Get out of the stinking bed when I'm supposed to.
• Not forget to feed the baby!

Oh wait, my husband is starting third year of medical school. There aren't going to be so very many occasions I can just leave him with the kids for a while. Oh well. I'm sure I can use this lesson somewhere.

Christmas Presents

I have had untold number of Christmas Present flops through the years. I can't even begin to count the number of presents I would gladly take back now if I could. But you can't and I'm blessed with loved ones that overlooked the photo of myself, or the tool that will never be used, or the hideous piece of clothing. Because they knew and know that I love them and the gift was given with love. I hope that I can in the future give not only my love, but much better gifts.

Years and years ago (don't ask me how many, because I don't remember) during a holiday season I was stuck as to what to get for my grandma. She already has so many wonderful things and being young, I couldn't fathom her needing anything or accurately assess her wants. So I got her a gift that reminded me of what she had taught me. The book was entitled Say Please, Say Thank You. Thinking back, a book about manners doesn't seem like a very wise present, but I was doing my best. I thought nothing of it after it was given. My grandma did not forget it though. Through the years it has floated around her house as she has read and re-read it. She has told me how much she enjoyed the book several times and I thank my lucky stars that it ended up being a good book, because, you know, the whole thing could have gone south pretty easily.

A few weeks ago I got an email stating that she was buying the book for my sister and me because she thought we would enjoy it. Again, I didn't think too much about it. When it came I laid it on the side table next to my rocking chair in the living room. I figured it's got a pretty cover on it so that could be its home for a while. Then, while nursing, I got bored and picked it up. At that moment everything made a whole lot more sense. This book is awesome. It isn't about "manners" at all really. It's about giving people and God the respect they deserve. I have loved reading it. I highly recommend it to everyone, not because they have a thing or two to learn about respect, but because I have found it so enjoyable to read. It reminds me of all the things my parents and grandparents have taught me in the past, and why they taught it to me.

Who knew my young self had happened upon such a find.

Vacation

When we go to my in-laws house for holidays I rarely see my husband. This is because he has a need to not stop working and also wants to be of as much use to his parents as possible. Although part of me thinks he should take a stinking break already, most of me feels proud to have a husband with a work ethic like that.

Last Friday Daniel took step one of the boards and our entire household gave out a huge sigh of relief when he got home. Finally! He, and the rest of us too, could have a little vacation together! I am happy to say that we have gone to the Magic House, and Grant's Farm, and tomorrow Daniel will be taking his mother and Charlotte to the Zoo to give me a little time to get our house in order to leave for a family reunion.

Each afternoon of this vacation I have taken a nap. I figure take advantage of the help of Dan's mom while I can. When she leaves I'm on my own again. Daniel however thinks, "I've got to take advantage of the time I've got to get as much done as possible." When we were coming home from the Magic House Dan said, "I'm really tired, but I probably better not sleep." To which I replied, "You're on vacation. The definition of vacation is that you don't have to work." It's funny how we take advantage of this time in such a different way.

Almost out of the Tunnel

Well, I can see the light at the end of the step 1 boards tunnel. Dan takes his test Friday and then I'm sure is going to crash a bit over the weekend. I can't wait. It's been a long two months.

This last week hasn't been too bad though because Daniel's mom is in town to help me with the kids so he can focus on the boards. That planning was a stroke of genius on my part. Today I actually contemplated how much I loved my mother in law and maybe, just for today, it might actually be more than I love Daniel. She is amazing! She has let me sleep in, she lets me take naps, she has cooked us dinner, taken us out to lunch, and done the dishes. It has been such a great vacation. I especially appreciate it since I had a bout a week and a half of torture between when my sister and her husband left and when my mother-in-law came. And I must say that I love my family!

Maybe in a couple of days I'll actually be able to see my husband during the day. Wont that be nice? I think I'm going to make him take a little vacation here in St. Louis. On my list of things to do is: Zoo, Magic House, Suson Park, Grant's Farm. Even after living in St. Louis for two years he's not been to any of those except the zoo. Any other suggestions?

To Do with the Hair

Note: I am so woefully behind on what's happening with us right now, I'm not even going to try to update everyone.

Having red hair has always been a big part of how I define myself. How I see it defining me has changed so very much over the years, but it has always been a big part of who I am. I remember always hearing, "Where did you get your red hair?" and I continue to get comments on it quite a bit. Even through the years where I wasn't so much in love with my hair color, I never once thought about changing it. I often wished it wasn't so curly/big/unmanageable, but never did I wish it weren't red. I sort of liked that it made me different and I attribute that wholly to my mother. I got enough positive reinforcement that I could lean on it when I wasn't so sure myself. I clearly remember my mother saying, "You can do whatever you want with your hair, but I'm not going to pay to fix it." Meaning if you died it and it went horribly wrong you'd just have to live with it. Now that I mostly know how to manage my hair I realize that any perceived problem I had with my hair was just a matter of figuring out how to work with what it wanted to do naturally. And it is naturally thick curly red hair.

My daughter doesn't have red hair. Not even in the slightest does she have red hair. Despite that fact she does have noteworthy hair. She has the most beautiful curls I have ever seen. She gets comments on her hair, similar to what I used to get, all the time. I love that she is always getting comments and complements on it (smart and stupid). What I don't so much love is this type of comment, "What beautiful curls your daughter has! I wish I had curls like that! You know she's going to hate them when she gets older though. (Said with a sigh)" In my mind I think Gee thanks stranger. Why would you plant the seeds of her not liking the way she looks right now? Charlotte has absolutely no reason to hate her curls. They're beautiful. That is unless she hears often enough about how she's going to hate them. She's only 2 and I'm already feeling like a guard against negative self imaging for my daughter. Isn't it a bit early to do that?

Sunday Every Day

Sunday is my favorite day of the week. On Sundays my husband doesn't study, doesn't work on the house, or spend time on the hundreds of other things he could be doing. On Sundays he relaxes and plays with the kids and does any little chore I ask him to do. It is so much fun to have him around. I know Charlotte loves it too because today she didn't whine as much and she was much more fun to be around. This morning we relaxed and weeded some of the garden and helped her play in her little pool. He spent hours today just holding, talking to, and loving Greg. Right now he's doing the dishes and cleaning up the kitchen. It's when he does these things for me that I know he loves me. He wants me to be able to face the week Monday morning when I get up for the day. We both got long naps and I think he's going to start his week refreshed as well. I must remember to tell him why I love Sundays.

Just In Case (The Delivery Post)

At the end of my pregnancy and into labor I found myself asking everyone around me, "Did this happen like this last time?" Turns out I have a bad memory and that there were many similarities and a great many differences between the two events. Just in case I forget again, here's what I want to remember about round two.

• I had cramping/abdominal pain for days before actually giving birth. Its normal.
• I felt really great when I could walk around the neighborhood at the beginning of labor. Moving=good. Stationary=bad.
• I've puked during both deliveries.
• IV's make my arm cold.
• Twice now, my body has hit a point where it decides that the normal labor timing just isn't going to work for me. I must have this child now. So I start to have contractions that either don't stop or could harm the baby.
• Both of my babies have not handled delivery very well.
• I've had to be given medication to be slowed down twice now.
• That medication sucks.
• Epidurals do not suck-except when they don't cover your whole body.
• It also is the hardest thing in the world to stay still laying on your side during a really strong contraction. I did it only because they had to monitor the baby's heart beat.
• The phrase "we might have to do a c-section" scares the crap out of me.
• It also motivates me to push that thing out of me a lot quicker.
• I'm also motivated when the one little section of my abdomen that still feels every contraction stops hurting when I push. "Push the pain away" was the most helpful phrase that the nurse told me. It's true.

The physical recovery from this one was a whole lot easier than last time. I think that's because I really listened when people told me to take it easy. All in all not a terribly traumatic delivery.

My Vanity Is Gone

When I get pregnant, I mean really pregnant, my belly button disappears. It just flattens out until you can't really tell that I even had one in the first place. Most women have theirs poke out, but not me, mine just hides. Also, I get stretch marks all around my belly button. I thought I had plenty with the first one, but somehow I managed to get more this time around.

Just thought I'd give you a little background information for the following conversation that happened as I was getting out of the shower the other morning. (Why is it that my daughter has figured out that she needs privacy in the bathroom, but not that I might like it as well?)

Charlotte: Is that you belly button?

Me: Yep, it's back.

Charlotte: Did you get old?

Me: What?

Charlotte: You wrinkled.


Gee thanks.

Photos

I could post and post and post photos, but I wont. Here are a few that I think are really good.


Greg's looking for food!

Sleeping as usual.

Closest to my heart!

There are times that I am totally struck by her beauty.Our little family on a trip to Tower Grove Park.

I hope you like them!

Dear Greg,

I love you so much it makes my throat hurt. Strange, yes. Difficult, no. Each time I slow down and look at your little face I feel the love for you well up so much that it spills out my eyes and I cry. Just before the tears start, my throat hurts.

I know everyone said that your sister looked like her daddy, but to me it is you. I look at you and I see him. There is a little of me mixed in there, but overwhelmingly I see your dad. You are the most handsome little baby boy that my eyes have ever seen. I love your brown hair, and your little nose. I love the way your cheeks are so full and round. I would spend hours just memorizing your face right now if I could.

You are the type of baby that everyone wishes they could have. You are a great sleeper, a great eater, and so very mellow. You hardly ever cry. And when you do your big sister rushes to your side to try to help calm you. Which then fills me up so much with love I cry, again. I know this could just be a phase, but I'm convinced that your demeanor is a blessing sent straight to me from Heavenly Father. It's like He's telling me that I can do this. I can be a mother of two. And I'm so grateful for that. It seems that all my fears that surfaced at the end of pregnancy were for naught. You are wonderful, your sister is wonderful, your daddy is wonderful, and I am happy. I love our family and I love you.

I want you to know that you are wanted and loved immeasurably by your daddy and me. Not only do we love you, but we love each other, and we love Charlotte. Our family is one I hope will always have the hallmark of love.

Love Always,
Mom

A New Phase

Well, Charlotte has officially begun the whining phase of her life. This oh so frustrating little habit of hers is starting to wear me thin. Any ideas for how to re-direct, cope with, or stop this behavior? I'm all ears.

One Week Later

Last Sunday I went into the hospital and came out Wednesday with a baby. He's beautiful. He's gorgeous. He's SUPER easy (for now anyway). I'm in love. I'd write more, but Daniel has commandeered our computer to study for the boards in four weeks. I'll post photos and whatnot soon. I promise. But for right now I've got to get back to cuddling my sweet little Daniel Gregory.

Stats:

Born: Monday May 11, 2009 at 1:44AM
Weight: 8 lbs 8 oz
Length: 22 in
Hair: Dark Brown

1 stinking centimeter

It really isn't fair for the doctor's office to ask you to pee in a cup, when you can't even see your belly button anymore. It's like shooting in the dark.

PS. Dan's test is tomorrow morning. According to the doctor there is no risk of the baby interfering with that.

An Opportunity for Growth

Last week on my sister's Blogger to Blogger the topic of marriage came up and she talked a little about a misconception she had about marriage. Basically she said before marriage she was afraid that it would mean a loss of her strong independent nature. Turns out that she picked a wonderful man who supports her independence fully and it hasn't even been an issue for her.

This got me to thinking about how the opposite has really been true for me. I guess I must not have had much of a "strong independent nature." Before I got married I thought how nice it would be to be able to lean on someone else for a change. There were many things that I simply didn't have or do because I didn't want to go to the effort to figure it out for myself.

Then I married the most wonderful man and we had a baby. I knew he wanted to be a doctor and that would mean I would need to carry my fair share of the responsibilities, but I didn't realize it would make me solely responsible for a great many things to run smoothly in our home. He would do them if he had the time or physical resources to get them done, but he doesn't. They just landed squarely on my shoulders. That's not to say there aren't things that I truly do not even worry about because I know they're his responsibilities. I do get a chance to lean on him, it's just not in the administrative way I thought I would.

I think being married, if anything, has given me the opportunity to become more independent and confident in my abilities to figure things out. There are a great many times that I try and fail at a task that is important. If it were just about myself I'd let those things go, but now I have a husband and children depending on me. I need to get them done. We need health insurance, running water, heat, housing, cars that work (and are registered yuck), food, clothing and the myriad other tiny tasks that seem to fall in my lap. My husband knows that getting these things done isn't my favorite job and he appreciates all that I do for our family just as I appreciate all his efforts. It amazes me the things I know I can accomplish now that I never would have dared to try 5 years ago.

False Alarm

So yesterday I did approximately 12 loads of laundry (explanation for that is puking one night and then wetting the bed during the nap the next day on top of it being laundry day anyway). For each load of laundry I have to walk up and down two flights of stairs one and a half times. Also, I decided that I'd better wash all the windows and dust everything because there's absolutely no way I'm going to do that after the baby gets here. Is that nesting, realizing how lazy I've been on those tasks, or preparing for the house to be "grandma clean?" I'm not sure. On top of that my zombie like sick child wanted a whole lot of carry/cuddle me time. Plus, I decided to take bleach solution to anything and everything I thought my two year old had touched in the past 48 hours. I don't want that sort of thing hanging around my house. I bet you all wish you were me right now.

For some reason I just had a burst of energy yesterday and felt like I shouldn't waist a minute of it. I did not slow down for one second until making dinner. I was on the phone with my mom when I realized that I wasn't just achy from having done said physical labor all day long, I was having contractions. Painful contractions. I shouldn't have said anything to my mom because it got all her hopes up which in turn started my worrying. I really really did not want to drop off a sick child in the middle of the night to one of our friends houses. That just spelled disaster to me. The contractions never really went away all evening long so I decided to err on the side of caution and called a friend up just to give her a heads up in case we had to head in. So then I got her hopes up too.

Nothing happened. The pain and contractions eventually went away at around 3 AM when I had to get up to pee for the 4th time last night. Also Charlotte slept through the night without coughing so she's on the mend.

So now that my house is clean, my daughter is getting better, and I've had serious contractions I'm ready. I want this little one out. Let's get this show on the road. But I'm not telling anyone until it actually is on the road.

Anticipating

Sorry for the lack of posts lately. My awesome sister-in-law came into town last week and we were having too much of a good time for me to sit down and write something. Then I realized that some of you might be wondering if I went into labor. The answer to that one is no. Saturday I went a bit crazy cleaning the house, mopping the floors, and doing the laundry. For some reason I thought that I would go into labor today, and finally, I was OK with that idea. Then the sniffles that Charlotte got on Saturday turned into a full blown cold last night complete with coughing until she threw up. So now I'm back to thinking that I could totally wait until my due date. Because then Charlotte will probably be over the worst of this little cold. And also I'll have time to Clorox the house. I just really only want to have to deal with one ultra needy kid at a time if I can help it. (Like I can help it.)

Anyway, that's not what I was going to talk about today. Today I was going to talk about how my sister-in-law coming made me realize how blessed I am with the family that I've got. She marked the start of a two month on and off rotation of family members coming to help with the baby. I was worried at first that she would think we're really boring, but once I realized that she was here to visit us and help rather than see the sights of St. Louis I calmed down and we had a great time. I am seriously so blessed to have my family and my husband's family so willing to come and help out. Especially since my husband is kicking into high gear worrying/studying for step 1 of the boards. Or as I like to call it, the one test that will determine the rest of his carreer. Anyway, I don't know exactly how to say thank you to all of them who have come or are coming out to help because I'm overwhelmed with their kindness and generosity. Thank you to all of you!

Miracle Grow

Me at 32 weeks:

Me at 37 weeks:

The Most Wonderful Place On Earth

Conversation from dinner a few nights ago:

Daniel: "If you don't take too long to eat we might have enough time to go shopping."

Charlotte: "Shopping!"

Daniel: "Yeah, we're going to your favorite store."

Charlotte: "Home Depot?"

So there you have it.

This picture has nothing to do with the previous story, but my mom says I haven't been putting enough photos up lately so here's one of Charlotte in one of her new birthday outfits.

Is It Just Me?

The end of this pregnancy has been such a drastic change from the first that I'm wondering if this happens often. I remember (which, probably has been dimmed or changed with the passage of time) being so excited for Charlotte to come out I couldn't hardly wait. I was counting down the days and trying my best to just enjoy the moments as they happened. I never once had sleep issues during that pregnancy (thanks to a half pill of unisom before bed for nausea every night). I never really had heartburn issues. But mostly, I didn't stress about being prepared for the baby to come.

This time I feel like I am dragging myself through the day every day, just trying my best to make it to bed time when I can relax. Then bed time comes and my mind just swirls with words and thoughts that want to come out. In fact right now it's almost midnight and I had to get out of bed to get these ideas out because I wasn't getting to sleep.

Sleep, oh I want sleep. I know full well the sleeplessness that is to come, but I already feel like I'm being somewhat tested in that area. I wake up 3-4 times each night because my back hurts and my bladder is full. Yes, I know there's a difference between getting yourself up to pee and getting yourself up to nurse. But getting yourself up to stretch out all your major muscle groups so that laying horizontal isn't painful isn't all that easy to do either. Also, Charlotte wakes herself up on a semi-regular basis in the middle of the night and we have to escort her back into her bedroom. Again, you don't really have to be fully alert for that, but when I do wake up my mind starts working again. And I start thinking about pediatricians, and obstetricians, and car seats, and breast pumps, and playdates and hospital visits.

Another difference this time around is that I'm more than content to wait all the way through my due date and then a few days. Dan's last final is the day before I'm due. Wouldn't it be nice to have a few days decompression before the next big thing happens? It sounds selfish to admit, but I would love to have some time with Daniel completely, mentally home with us. I know now that babies change everything and I'm wondering if and how baby #2 will change the dynamic between my husband and myself.

Not only that, I keep looking at Charlotte and thinking how much I love her and how anxious I am for her not to feel hurt or sad when the baby comes. My mom recently sent her 8 new books which she is in love with and asks to be read to all the time. I feel like I will have to be saying no to some of her requests soon so can't say no to her now so I will sit and take the 40 minutes or so to read them all to her two to three times everyday since they arrived. I'm hoping that I'm storing up some extra love in her now so that when the baby comes her reserves wont be too depleted. I'm not even sure if it works that way, but I just don't want her to feel less love. One end result of this is that my house, which I feel I should be getting clean and organized now while I can, is messier than it has been in months. I try to not worry about that though because honestly, my daughter knowing that her mom loves her and prefers to spend time with her is way more important to me.

Which is another thing. Man do I love that little girl! I'm so in love with everything about her. She is so beautiful and so amazing. She is so smart and funny. She has so many abilities that open themselves up to me every day. Part of me wonders how I could ever love this next one as much. I know everyone says that you do, but honestly, babies don't tell you that they love you back. They don't give you sloppy milk kisses. They don't touch noses or squeeze you in a hug. They just need you. They need you all the time you have to be there for them always.

None of this is to say that I'm not thrilled to be having Baby Greg. I love him already. I know I do. I love to feel his slow movements around inside me. I love to watch my stretched tight stomach change shape as he sticks a little body parts out. I do want him here with me-with us. I have delighted in washing and sorting all his tiny little clothes. Part of me is counting down the days. This time it's just...different.

A Passionate Calling

Note: All of the following is my own view and not necessarily my husband's. He may or may not agree with me on this topic, but I thought I'd write it down just to think it out. Also, for that reason it's probably not very well organized since this is the first time I'm attempting to get the circling ideas straightened out in my mind.

On a slight break from the all kids all the time mode, I thought I'd post about a husband related topic that I've been thinking about lately. I've heard from several sources recently about how some people feel that being a doctor is "a calling" that one must sacrifice for, be dedicated to and be "passionate" about. Obviously not all three of these things typically come out of the same source every time, but you get the idea.

I disagree.

I think being a doctor is a profession. It's a job that you chose for yourself because you are drawn to it. There is something in it for you, whether it be the thrill of solving problems, the satisfaction of helping people, or the myriad other reasons people chose to become doctors. Each person's reasons for becoming a doctor are as varied as the doctors themselves.

I will concede that becoming and being a doctor requires a lot of sacrifice in time, energy, and capacities of those individuals and families pursuing it. As I look into the face of having a newborn baby and a husband that is starting his third year in med school (typically the hardest year I hear) I'm trepidacious. I also think you have to be dedicated in order to complete such a lengthy, and challenging education process. Let's face it 4 years of undergrad, 4 years of med school, 4-5 years of residency and that's not including 1-2 years that could be thrown in extra if you want to go into some sub-specialties. I would not dream, however, to compare myself and my situation to those of military families, for example. In that family one or both spouses/parents are physically out of the picture. Not only that there's also the chance that they could never come back. Now that's sacrifice.

Even with all that, I still don't think being a doctor is a calling nor would I qualify it as my husband's passion. I would say that my husband's passion is, well, me and our family. Our well being. Also, he's passionate about our religion, our country, and our freedoms. I think he has that in common with most people around the world. In my mind those are the things that lie near and dear to most people's hearts. If medicine were his passion I don't think he would relate very well to any of his patients. That's not to say he doesn't love the practice of medicine. It's not to down play the eagerness with which he is pursuing his goal. He loves what he is doing. He will make a great doctor. I'm just saying that there are more important things in his life than his job.

Which is exactly what being a doctor is, a job. I would be equally proud of my husband and his support of our family if he were a mailman, a carpenter, a marine or a farmer. He works hard, for himself, and for us and I think that's something to be admired.

Getting it Done

Today we went to the mall to actually get stuff done. Charlotte and I go to the mall strictly on it's-too-cold-to-play-outside-so-we'll-play-on-the-indoor-playland days, but today we had to. Today we had to exchange items that were purchased for us and Charlotte had to get her 2 year old photos taken. We got there around 10:15 and didn't leave until a little after 1. And I just have to say:

Charlotte was AMAZING!

Despite her angelic mood and the fun playtime we had, it was still a test of endurance for me physically and mentally. Remember when I would go to the mall for fun? Will those days ever come back? Honestly I look around the mall and just think of all the things I could be getting done while I'm stuck there running more errands. Anyway, I can now check two things off my list of things to get done before Greg arrives. And to celebrate I got myself a butterfinger bilzzard. Yeah for me!

Cue the Panic

Friday Daniel took the equivalent of a midterm and so had the rest of the weekend free of studying for that class. We decided it was about the perfect time to till up our entire front and back yards. After a failed attempt to till with a tiller that was way too small he went back to Home Depot and rented a bigger, better model. He started work about 2:30 and I went out to help dig up around the sidewalk and parking pad in the back. It was a long afternoon of working in the back yard turning our "lawn" into the biggest mud hole you ever did see. We didn't have enough time to finish the job Friday before dark so we stopped just before dinner, ate, and then headed to the garden section at Home Depot. (That store really ought to start paying ME for the amount of time I spend talking about it.) As we were walking around Home Depot I realized I was having a few contractions. Nothing serious, just a tightening of the muscles, but frequent enough for me to pay attention. Also, I NEVER had braxton hicks with Charlotte. In fact the doctor had told me see you next week and I delivered the next day. So to be feeling anything like that made me a little nervous. We went home and I took it easy for the rest of the night.

Do you think that would stop me from shoveling, raking, and leveling the backyard Saturday? Heavens no! I did work a bit slower, but work I did. And now we have the most beautiful mud pit. It's really ridiculous how proud I am of what we've accomplished.

Unfortunately, those contractions, coupled with Daniel saying, "Well, you are full term now so if the baby did come it wouldn't be that big a deal." To which my mind screamed not that big a deal?! Not that big a deal?! You only say that because you're not staring into the front end of labor Mr! I have 3 weeks left! I want those 3 weeks! I need those 3 weeks! I have things to get done! Which started a small knot of panic in my stomach. What was I thinking having 2 kids? My time with Charlotte is so precious! I love how I could stop cooking dinner Sunday to spend 20 minutes on the kitchen floor cuddling her just because she wanted it. I have so many, many projects I want to do now or they'll never get done.

So now I'm working as industriously as possible to organize, clean, and get myself mentally and physically prepared for having child number 2. Like perhaps having all Charlotte's toys de-cluttered would actually get me prepared for such a thing.

I need your help

We made it into see the pediatric dermatologist a few days ago and I'm ecstatic and stressed out. The latest hypothesis is that Charlotte did indeed have scabies, but the cream used to treat scabies contains a common allergen in people who have been sensitized to it. So right about the time all the scabies are dead, the allergic reaction started. We were given an Rx to simply treat the itchiness and told to avoid any cleanser with cocamidopropyl betaine in it. Also to stick with the free and clear detergents.

The results so far have been amazing! After just one application of the anti-itch medication she had a dramatic drop in her scratching. Only one application people! So that gives me hope that this diagnosis might actually be right. Also, being off Aquaphor, and her old sensitive skin soaps for a couple days now the actual rash seems to be going down. It makes me cautiously optimistic. Now it's a matter of finding all the cleansers, sunscreens and insect repellents that are on my safe list.

Well, it's not that hard to find body/face wash without cocamidopropyl betaine in it. We're using cetaphil and even though it's more expensive than what we've been using you can buy it in bulk at costco so that's not too bad. We have to locate an insect repellent that uses .5% permethrin instead of DEET. And also a zinc oxide based sunscreen that has no preservatives in it. None of those seem too hard to find, they just sound really expensive.

Unfortunately it's proving to be too hard for me to find a shampoo that is free and clear and doesn't contain cocamidopropyl betaine. Anybody know of any shampoo out there without that ingredient?

Even In Australia

Sometimes, when I'm feeling really pregnant.

And not sleeping.

And dealing with a 2 year old that screams "MINE!" and flops herself on the floor of Walgreen's.

And having back pain at night.

I think I must be having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

The Seven Year Itch

So remember when we thought my daughter had dry skin? And then sensitive skin? And then scabies? Remember how I had to spend a week in hell trying to launder all our fabric items? Remember how I had to buy expensive free and clear detergent and hypo-allergenic bath soap? Remember how we bought new mattresses for her bed? Remember how she had to sleep without her dog? Do you remember all that? Yeah, that was total crap.

The rash is still here. She's still itching it as much as ever. I went back to see the NP and she referred me to a pediatric dermatologist here in St. Louis. She warned me that derm appointments are notoriously hard to get into and it would be a while to wait. She told me to look for a paper in the mail from their office with the appointment date and time on it. Last Saturday I got the referral in the mail with my appointment on it.

It was for July 28th.

July 28th would mean that she would have had this rash, that itches so bad she scratches until she bleeds, for six months! I understand it being hard to get an appointment, but three months out? That seems excessive.

So yesterday I called the office using my friendliest, most "please help me" voice I could I asked them if there was any chance they could call me if anyone cancelled. I would be more than happy to jump in my car and drive out there for my daughter to see the doctor. Nothing (except labor of course) would prevent me from that. They kindly told me that their policy is that if I want to know about cancellation openings I have to call them. And the very kind lady at the appointment desk, whom I would gladly give a kidney to, told me that there's a cancellation TODAY at 3! So this afternoon we're headed out to see the pediatric dermatologist to try and get this thing resolved.

Baby'd Out

Last Saturday was Greg's baby shower. It was amazing, relaxing, and a lot of fun. I ate and ate and ate and I talked. What do women talk about at baby showers? Labor, delivery, newborns, toddlers, potty training, spit up. I decided to just take the plunge and enjoy the conversation for what it was, which I consider group therapy. I enjoyed hearing the different stories, opinions, and dilemmas each woman had faced or faces with regard to their children. It was a great couple of hours spent talking about nothing but babies.

Then we went to a friend's house for Easter dinner on Sunday. One of the other women there hadn't been to the shower, but she's just into her second trimester with her first baby so of course the conversation (with the women) circled around to topic of babies and motherhood. It was interesting and reassuring to hear about the struggle that all of us have between loving motherhood and being a mom and wanting to do other things with our time and talents. I personally think that every woman who chooses to be a mom has to face that struggle and the guilt you will feel any which way you make your decision.

Although I thoroughly enjoyed myself in both sessions of mommy conversation, I have to admit that this morning, when I got up, I realized that I'm a bit tired of talking about babies and being a mom. It's cathartic to be able to get together and talk about those things, but I'm glad that the group therapy is over. I'd like to get back to talking about other (perhaps more interesting?) things with my friends. Then I wonder what exactly is it that I talk with them about?

So my question to you is, do you ever feel like you've had enough kid time? If you have no kids (or even if you do I guess), do you ever wish your friends with kids didn't talk about them so much? What would you rather talk about instead?

Conservationists

Saturday was D-day for the "lawn." I use that word very loosely since about 90% of our lawn is crab grass, 8% is broad leaf weed, and the remaining 2% is actually grass. We took a sample of our lawn to the Home Depot, where a very helpful garden expert informed us of that fact and that the best way to deal with it would be to roundup the entire thing, till it and then seed it. So that is our plan. While constructing our plan we also had to take into account what was already in the yard. Apparently at one time a gardener lived in our home that really liked to use bulbs. We have crocuses, tulips, daffodils, and blue bells, all of which were clearly located at one point in flower beds, which are now "lawn." Not wanting to spend any more money than we have to, and also not wanting to kill anything that still had a prayer of surviving we decided to transplant any and all flowers possible to two small beds. I did that Friday and Saturday afternoons.

So I weeded, and turned two areas in our backyard and dug up all the bulbs from the lawn on Friday and Saturday with Charlotte. Do you know how hard it is to weed with an 8 month pregnant belly in the way? I have never been so slow in my entire life! Charlotte also contributed to the slowness, but made the days much more enjoyable. She is an excellent and entertaining helper. She loves to see worms and always says, "I want to hold it." Even though if you get one even close to her she runs away. She also likes to give them baths with the watering can. By the way, our backyard is chock full of worms. I have never seen a yard so thoroughly wormy. She also loved to help me jump on the shovel when digging up the bulbs.

I decided to use this experience as an opportunity to teach her about plants and gardens and such so I told her about the different parts of the plants we were digging up. She really liked the new vocabulary, flowers, stems, leaves, bulbs, roots. Unfortunately she couldn't really remember the word for bulbs, so she decided to substitute the closest word in her current vocabulary. It's pretty funny to hear a little two year old say, "I want to hold the boobies! Let me have them."

I am so proud of our two little gardens right now I can't even believe it. I've taken photos of them just so I can remember them. In the first one we made I put daffodils, tulips, onion (I think), crocuses, and blue bells. After that one was full we still had more crocuses that we had dug up to save so we put those in the second garden along with the trumpet vines and pink ladies that were already there. Hopefully the boobies will all survive the move!

It's in the Genes

There are so many physical traits that I see in my daughter that remind me of my family and others that remind me of Daniel and his family. First off she has a small brown spot on the back of her elbow, not a freckle, just a birthmark. Dan has a rather large brown spot on his arm as well. Another trait that father and daughter share is that Dan has a mole above his left ear in his hair. Charlotte has a corresponding mole in her hair above her right ear.

Today though I'm not talking about physical traits. I'm talking about behavioral traits. When you see me out and about the town you'll notice that I will be walking in more of a side step fashion rather than straight ahead. This is because my daughter has picked up a behavioral trait from her maternal grandfather. Basically she will walk at exactly my same speed about 5 feet behind me. My dad has done this with our family all my life. When new people see our bunch they think we don't give him enough time to catch up, but what they don't realize is that if we stop to wait for him, he also figures it's time to stop and look around.

Charlotte does the exact same thing! Only it's harder to be with becacuse I can't really just turn my back and assume she's following me. I must therefore walk down the aisles of the grocery store sideways to keep an eye on her. If I do stop to wait for her she thinks it's time to stop and investigate whatever happens to catch her eye and then wanders off.

How is it that behavioral characteristics that she can't possibly have observed being haf a continent away from him have so clearly manifested themselves? I tried to get her to walk in front of me so then I can walk normally and still see her, or to walk with me, but no, 5 feet behind is her preferred mode of travel. The only time I've really been successful at getting her to walk with me is to scare the pants off her about the road and parking lots. Then, and only then, will she hold my hand and walk at my pace right along side me.

Kicking Myself

I went out to lunch today with a couple of friends. The food was lovely, the conversation therapeutic, and the atmosphere was relaxing. So then why am I so frustrated and tired? Because I did not plan well for my 2 year old. I should have known better. I blame this on the fact that I haven't taken her out to a sit down meal in so long I had forgotten that I needed to do extra planning on the front end. She's two! Just because it takes her 45 minutes to an hour to eat a stinking bowl of cereal in the morning doesn't mean she'll be willing to sit and listen to grown ups talk for that long! Of course she's going to get bored. She went to the bathroom a total of 4 times during the meal. (Which I think really concerned one of my friends that is looking into potty training in the not too distant future.) Mostly, I think, so that she could run in and out of every stall in the place. She ate very little food, a fact which vexed me to no end, but then wanted to eat all of my dessert. (Of course) Why didn't I just bring some stickers? Or a book or two to look at? Perhaps a small game to play? Then I could have relaxed just a little bit more and not spent the time exerting my efforts to keep her quiet and calm. Anyway, next time I'll remember.

Time out

I am not opposed to letting my child watch TV. In fact, if it weren't for the blessed man Walt Disney I fear I would never have been able to teach my child it's OK to have Mommy shower alone. I also love to hear my daughter sing the ABC's with the pig on Super Why. Lately though, it's been getting to be too much.

Last week was the breaking point. I remember slowing down from my cleaning long enough to look at her on Thursday and just being a little shaken by how plugged in she was to the TV. She wasn't even really being entertained, she was just totally vacant. I had been having this nagging feeling of how much TV had crept into her schedule lately and that I wanted to change that, then last week hit and we were done for. She watched that thing for HOURS without complaining. If that isn't slightly disturbing, I don't know what is.

My opinion of our situation is that not only is she connected to the TV, but I also use it as a crutch. Simply put, I turn on the TV when I don't want to take the time and effort to come up with or do something probably more fun and more productive with her. I'm being lazy.

And it stops now.

Today we did not turn the TV on once during her waking hours. (It's on now because Dan wants to watch the NCAA championship.) After tonight it's going to go into storage in the basement for a week. The way I figure it is that with the physical object completely out of the way the temptation to turn it on so much will be gone with it. Hopefully in that time I can establish a few routines or habits that are more productive and positive.

When I told Dan about my idea I was worried that he would think I'm being silly or taking this idea way too extreme. I was wrong though. His reaction was, "Well, I've got lots of stuff I am or should be doing anyway so I'll help you." It's great to have someone that supports me in my efforts.

So what do you think? How much TV is too much? Is there a time and place where TV watching is appropriate? Are there shows that you think are OK and perhaps educational? What would you rather do with your time?

I have realized that the answers to those questions change over time so I have to keep revisiting them as my family and my needs change. Now to come up with short positive activities to occupy our days...

Stifling her Creativity

Since I'm trying despirately to deep clean my entire house all at once I've had to also address the challenge of my daughter and her naturally creative and inquisitive spirit. I was feeling really bad yesterday because she spent a whole lot of the day on the sofa watching PBS kids. I usually try really hard to come up with stimulating activites, but there's only so much I can do at once.

When I woke up today with a hurt knee from walking upstairs to get the laundry and taking it to the basement to wash it and then hauling it back up I knew things needed to change. I figured that both of us would be happier today if I slowed down my pace with cleaning and tried to incorporate a little more interesting activites for her. So after I put the first load of laundry in we read books, then she took a bath, then things went downhill.

I decided that she could color pages that I could then use to make thank you notes to mail to her friends and family for her wonderful birthday presents. I had to leave in the middle of one to switch over the laundry. Not so bad right? I mean she was in the middle of coloring and covering a sheet of paper with stickers. She couldn't do anything too bad right? Wrong. I came back and she had retrieved her paints and spilled them all over the kitchen table and was attempting to clean them up when I returned. We were done making thank you cards.

Later, after having actually done her hair, I needed to switch over the loads again. I went upstairs to get the dirties and came down to see our recliner and the floor beneath it covered in water from the spray bottle I use on her hair. At least it's water right? Oh, that's what I thought too, until I realized the reason she sprayed the chair was because earlier she had gotten some of the paints (from the previous spill) on the chair. She was attempting to clean that mess up all by herself.

As I was trying to slice cheese and get out some crackers to eat with applesauce for a snack I appreciated the quiet that reigned in our house for a good two minutes. Then I came into the dining room to put the snack on the table. I found my daughter eagerly sitting at the table waiting for her snack. My heart was so happy with the angelic child sitting before me. Then I smelled the overwhelming smell of vicks vapo rub. She had taken the small can of baby vicks and smeared it all across her face, hands, and clothing. She says, "Smells good?" Yes darling, it smells like heaven.

So maybe sitting her in front of the TV makes me feel guilty, but at least I have only one mess at a time to deal with. I mean there's only so much stimulation that mommy can handle in one day!