May 1963

So I spent the night with my Grandma Margie last night. She is such an amazing woman! I wish I had spend more time getting to know her before now. We went through all her old photos and I learned about her life. My grandma is truely amazing. Her life...wow. Words can't even express my gratitude for all she has done. At any rate, we spent Friday evening going through her photos and labeling them. Who they were of really was the only thing that we got on them. I decided that they were simply amazing. I saw photos of little kids with happy smiling faces. It's kinda weird to be confronted with the beggining of someone's life KNOWING the end. I saw photos of my Aunt Sandy. Such a happy little girl. I saw photos of Grandpa Willie--the little boy, the young man, the sailor, the pharmacist. These are photos of people that were taken from me. Seeing their faces and their photos have given me such a new sense of their personallities. I'm so grateful for the chance to get to know them.

Tidbits

1. I feel the great loss that is surrounding our apartment already. Kate was such a wonderful addition to our apartment, so loving and cute. My only question is who are we going to have dispose of the body? I say a boy because girls don't touch dead stuff.

2. Last weekend was amazing! I love spending time with my sweetie. It doesn't happen that often. We went up to Logan and visited with some family up there. We went sledding up there because it's colder. If we were in Dante's version of Hell I think Logan would be the lowest circle. It was fun anyway. The little nephews are SO CUTE! I wish Dan could be around me more. I miss him so much! I think it's getting better though. I mean school is keeping me really busy and there's not much time until I get to see him again. I sometimes get a little jealous of people who get to have their fiance around them, or even in the same state, but I know that things will work out for the best.

3. There's more, but I'm off of work now so I don't have any more time to write. Sorry.

Maggie's Classes

I don't know if any of you have ever felt this, but I don't want to go to school anymore. I don't get to take any classes this semester that are food science, which stinks. A lot. I don't really like any of my classes this semester and it kinda makes me not want to keep going. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing how important it is to me and those around me. I'm glad that I have that kind of influence in my life. If it were just me, I would have given up about a semester ago.

When you've lived with girls too long

Last Sunday, I took my roommates over to my aunt and uncle's house for a nice Sunday Dinner. Well, everything was going great! My sister was in town so, of course, the family favorite topic of conversation was discussed. That would be skiing if any of you are unaware of my sister's new obsession. Also, I felt that my aunt and uncle did a wonderful job including my roommates. The dinner was a particularly tasty meal with my aunts wonderful homemade rolls. To top it all off a dessert of warm, freshly baked brownie with ice cream and real hot fudge was served. My uncle made this delicious concoction. He had it set out in the laundry room to cool on the extra microwave in that room. We were all sitting at the table in blissful anticipation when, with much pride, he brought it in. My aunt, doing her usual running around clean up went over to the bar to help serve. She suddenly started laughing. We all look over and she gasps out, "Look at what your uncle used as hot pads!" She is holding up two hot pink panties! Yes, my uncle, assuming that the brownies were resting on two hot pads just picked up the panties and brought them in with the brownies without even noticing that anything was amiss. I think this is a testament to what happens when the only boy has been out of the house for three years now and the three girls remaining take over the place. (PS. the panties were clean)

Raging Insecurities

I don't know if it's just me or this happens to everyone, but I just can't stand the beginning of a new semester. Some of the people around me see it as an opportunity, a new challange to tackle, or new and exciting people to meet. I don't see it this way at all. I just finished my first organic chemistry lab. This class brought out all of my insecurities at once. First, it was a class that is male dominated. I know I'll have to really hold my own in that class or play the "I'm just a stupid girl" route to be able to work with anybody. It sucks, but that's the reality. Also, we have to work independently. I don't like to do that because I very rarely understand things without talking about them. Thirdly, I really feel that I DON'T understand organic chemistry. It is a subject for which I have had to work extra hard just to get a passing grade. Also, I'm not a pre-med pre-dent major. I don't NEED an A in this class. I just have to get a passing grade and I know, for my last o-chem class, I had to work three times as hard as the guys I studied with who got A's. Lame. Anyway, that's what I think about that.

Happy Christmas!

I feel so sick right now and I love it! To explain first I need to say that every year as long as I can remember my family has been packing up and driving down to Utah for Christmas. This is where both of my parents are from. Every year since starting school at BYU, I've had this time of limbo between the end of finals and when my parents get here. They are coming today. They are also bringing me something better than any Christmas present. They're bringing my sweetie, Daniel. As the weekend has gone on I have gotten more and more excited to where I have now literally made myself sick waiting for them. I can only remember my sister ever getting this sick on Christmas Eve. My stomach is literally doing flipps. I wonder if he knows how excited I get to see him.

I must say though that I have truly loved my time by myself. My last roommate left Saturday afternoon and I've had the apartment to myself since then. It has been so nice to be relaxed and quiet for a day or so. I love to have the time to myself to just sit and think and get excited. Each year at the end of the semester I get rather stressed. Planning for Christmas and finishing my classes and getting everything together seems to overwhelm. Then I have this calm before the holidays start. It is a time I take to remember things that I love.

So anyway, I hope everyone has a very Happy Christmas and New Year!

The Heat

Dear Reader,
I just wanted to write a post saying how awesome my roommate is. Her name is the Heat. She is awesome. I was just sitting here, using her computer this very second. She was sitting beside me when, all of the sudden (yes I say all of the sudden instead of all of a sudden) she jerked. This jerk wouldn't have been much except she was holding her water and it spilled all over the part of the seat she wasn't sitting in. To wipe it up she just moved her bum around the chair. Yes, she's awesome.

Also, an amusing quote that she said lately is, "Cream cheese is a secret ingredient for lots of delicious meals." This would not have been weird, except that it came out of the blue! And she said it like I was in despirate need of this information.

Don't you think that a person that does things like this is awesome? Because I do!
Sincerely,
Maggie Jo Timothy

PS. Which do you think is better, Maggie Timothy or Maggie Jo Timothy?

Something Short

So my posts have been really long lately and I just wanted to write something short on here really quick. I decided the other night that one of my favorite things is to see something performed live. I love live concerts, plays, musicals, and operas. I wish I were more adept at finding things like that to go to that don't cost too much money. Well, that's it on that issue.

Growing Up

***Disclaimer: To my sister. I am nervous about posting this blog just because I don't know how you will take it. I am just writing my reactions to what I percieved you to be saying. If I am wrong in some way or I hurt you I apologize right now.****

I'm not entirely sure how this post will go. I feel as though there are many thoughts in my head and I'm not sure how to get them out correctly. This post contains my personal reactions to my sister's post "9 things I do differently now that I'm not a psycho BYU co-ed Mormon ." There are two parts to this post:

Part 1:

I admit that my initial reaction was not a happy one. In fact, I was royally upset. I percieved my sister's blog to be saying that BYU is a place that is too sheltered from the world. Perhaps even that it is difficult to become the person you want to be in that environment. I have known many people in my life that have challenged me in my decision to go to BYU and also in my decision to have my religion. Therefore, I get rather defensive. Recently I went up to Oregon State for a visit and a guy I met there told me to my face that I was a sell out for going to BYU. He said something to the effect of there's no reason that people should try to go there like they do because it doesn't help anybody. The social environment is detrimental to people. I was a little upset because he has never actually lived here. Why is it that I always here all these negative things about my school from people that haven't actually GONE to my school? Now my sister, whom I love and trust, thinks the same thing.

Here is my philosophy, BYU is an LDS school. Being such it should be expected to be a center for LDS thought. If it were a Jewish school it would be a center for new Jewish thought. If it were a liberal school it would be a place for new liberal thought. I am frustrated with people who complain about BYU not being liberal enough. It isn't a liberal school. With that said, I don't feel that people are close minded here. Maybe this is my experience alone, but I have met many very open people living here with very different ideas about life and religion than my own. (Yes they are Mormon too.) Granted there are people that are close minded, and ignorant. You would get that at any school though. Take the good with the bad. That's the kind of world we live in. You like where you live because of how you live and who you are. People can be content just about anywhere if they are living in a manner that makes them happy. It is a personal choice not the choice of the masses.

Most of that was just tangential and I'm sorry, but I've been mulling that one over for a while now. I thought I might as well just get it out into the open.

Part 2

Growing up. I think really that's what my sister's blog is about. I will admit that I had to rush off to work right after having read her blog. I spent two hours stuffing envelopes with money for the taste pannel tomorrow and had plenty of time to think. That's what I came up with. Here's my take on the topics discussed in her blog:
1. Defining yourself/prayer. Everyone has a point in their life that they HAVE to chose who they are and what they believe in. I think my sister's done it. She's made her decision. Bravo to her.
2. Lame activities/Support. This one goes off more on what was said in the comments section, but I have also been to many lame activities. Dances, I'll admit, I have stayed away from, not really ever having liked my experiences there. Also having been put in charge of many activities I personally thought were lame I know how much it means to someone if people actually show up to FHE when the only thing planned is the flour game.
3. Try to convert others. Again a timeless life lesson. Having been forced into many different social circles in the past I know what it means to have a friend that just appreciates you for who you are. I can't say I've ever converted anyone, but I can say that I have good friends that know what it means to live an LDS lifestyle. I think this lesson can be learned with no respect to where you live. BYU or somewhere else, the lesson will come.
4. Judging others. Again that just comes from growing up. Here, there or anywhere.
5. Peer Pressure. This one made me laugh. Peer pressure is overcome at different stages in life. I think of my sister as a completely independent woman who makes up her mind about many things on her own. To be pressured into not doing something by her peers seems so amusing to me.
6. Sarcasm. I personally have NEVER liked sarcasm. I have consciously tried to stay away from it, even though it pops in every once in a while. I'm glad she stopped.
7. Sleepy Sundays. I think the real message here is that she decided that she would make her Sunday more meaningful. I get this from her comments later, not the actual post itself. I personally disagree about the THREE hour nap for myself, but whatever helps you the most on Sunday.
8. Feel Guilty. I think that this is also a lesson learned in time. Being able to have an accurate picture of yourself is a very hard task. To be able to say, "I'm not what I should be, I'm not what I could be, but I'm not what I used to be either." Is difficult. By that I mean, having the appropriate perspective. I think people everywhere have this problem. Not just at BYU.
9. Opening my friendships. I will admit that at college, once you are in your major you are basically locked into a certain social circle. I'm glad my sister now can accept more people as friends. I think this was a cause of some disagreements between the two of us my freshmen year.

All in all, I'm glad my sister can see herself grow. I think it's amazing. I still disagree with her on a few issues, but for the most part I'm just glad it happened. I hope everyone, myself included, can strive to become more introspective, whether it be at BYU, CU, or anywhere else on the globe.

My Sister

This post seems to be out of place with the other one. I really do feel everything I say on this one. I guess that's one of the great things about families. You can respectfully disagree with each other and still love each other tremendously.

I love my sister. Does anyone know how absolutely amazing she really is? I don't think people around her actually do. I try to convince her, but she never agrees with me. I think she is wonderful. I love her.

Katie has always been my hero and sometimes idol. When we were younger I wanted to BE her. I have shaped my life after hers from taking the violin to wearing my two pairs of sox rolled down the "cool" way. I have followed her into the jaws of a dog and back. To me she seemed brave, fearless, undaunted, and courageous. I would do anything she asked me to. She protected me.

When we moved to Spokane I always percieved her as the popular daughter. In my mind she quickly made friends whereas I struggled. Then I watched her go into highschool. She was so fashionable. Her friend and she were always around the cool people in school. I had a hard time with friends when I was younger having had two "best friends" that decided they were too cool for me. I wanted to be just like my sister. She was popular, pretty, funny, and impressive.

Today I still see my sister as so much older and more sophisticated than myself. She has a career and a car and really nice clothes. She knows what's up in her life. She is in charge as she always has been. This whole time I have wanted to be just like her.

As time has moved on I am now finding out how my perception of the truth was completely different from hers. She has insecurities and fears that I formerly knew nothing about.

Now I see how different we are. This whole time I have tried to be her I find I am not. Don't get me wrong I am happy being me. That's a long hard road I think everyone has to travel. I still see her as a fashion expert. To me she is still brave, classic, chic, undaunted, fearless, sexy, and beautiful. I don't think that will ever change. I love her so much. She is so amazing. She is my sister.

Grotesque

****Disclaimer: Extremely Long, Emotional post. I couldn't cut any out. Sorry****

Much to my surprise I found out in my nutrition class today that I am grotesque. This startling news was doled out by a bunch of angry women and men. Mostly just the other females in my class. Here's how my nutrition class went.

The final subject in my nutrition class for the semester is energy balance and weight gain. I don't really like my nutrition class, but this topic is one of my least favorites. I think it is the least favorite of most women, but usually for a different reason than my own. I don't like it because I honestly don't care. I am how I am and I think that's ok. I also don't like it because it tends to get women extremely worked up and I try to avoid those situations. Anyway, we calculated our BMI (body mass index) before class and I went into class knowing mine is in the 18 neighborhood.

Today we go into class and everything starts out normally. I'm learning about different types of obesity and different energy balances. Then they start talking about BMI. Here's where the train wreck started. Our professor told us about the different cutoffs that the National Health Board have come up with for various weight classes:

• Unerweight <19
• Healthy Weight 19-25
• Overweight 25-30
• Obese 30-40
• Severely Obese >40

I was a little surprised to see that I am in the underweight category. He explained that the cutoffs were based on mortality rates for each of the BMIs, healthy weights being associated with the lowest mortality. He asked the class why in particular the lowered BMI would be associated with a higher mortality rate. Snide comments came out such as, "People that are that skinny just fall through the cracks in the sidewalk and get trampled on." That was seriously a comment that came from someone in my class. My professor tried to mitigate these comments by saying that low BMI is also associated with diseases that might cause death. For example, someone with cancer, at the time of death has lost a lot of weight and would thus have an extremely low BMI. I was a little upset by all the negative comments about me being too skinny and dieing, but honestly I've always been skinny so I'm used to comments like these.

Then came the real clencher. My professor introduced a study that was done at a university on attractiveness levels of each gender. He presented this to the class to try and make the point of the unrealistic expectations that society has for body shape. Forty men were shown photos of 50 women from the neck down with different body compositions. They tested waist to hip ratio and BMI vs. attractiveness level. Waist to hip ratio didn't seem to matter, but BMI accounted for 73% of the variation in attractiveness level. The highest level in the statistical model was found to be at a BMI of around 18. He then went off on how this was an unrealistic goal. Then comments were shouted out about men only liking grotesque, prepubescent girls that weren't really women at all. Keep in mind that I have a BMI of 18 and was sitting listening to how grotesque I am! I was so mad I didn't even know what to say.

I'm not complaining that I'm skinny. I'm just noting how incredibly rude some people are when they feel attacked. It's not like I was shouting out how all the other women in the room were fat lards that needed to go to the gym and eat right once in a while. I don't think that, but even if I did I wouldn't be shouting it out to the rest of the class. I think my professor could have handled this situation in a much better manner.

Raw Meat

I went to Otto and Sons Inc. today on my class fieldtrip. It was pretty awesome. I didn't think it was going to be, but actually I was intrigued by the meat processing industry. Otto and Sons Inc. is the "exclusive meat supplier for McDonald's". They also supply meat to Nestle, Kraft, and Chipotle (a Denver based restaurant company). I thought that was an interesting fact because people in the United States feel that the meat industry is corrupt and that you can't trust your meat to be safe. Let me tell you that this is so far from the truth.

My friend Jonny read "Fast Food Nation" and was trying to tell me how corrupt the meat industry was and how they were always trying to cut corners. All I can say to that was, he read an expose of one person's experience of one factory. That person was also trying to sell a book. Like any activity, you're going to get some people who don't do what they're supposed to. Do you think that the restaurants would buy the meat if it didn't pass microbial tests? I say NO. If he wants to believe the word of one person without actually researching the truth about government regulations in the United Sates, I guess I can't force him to see the truth.

Here's my attempt anyway. First of all, companies know it's bad for business to be putting out food that would harm the consumers. People stop getting food from a place that has been connected with bad food. It would put them out of business. People want to produce something they can be proud of and if they want to stay in business for any length of time they also want to produce something the consumer will buy. Consumers stop buying damaged goods. Secondly, since the infamous Jack-in-the-Box outbreak the US government has really cracked down on the meat supply and it has become much MUCH safer. In fact, what I found out was that most of the contamination that people get from restaurants that serve meat now is actually from the bathroom. Yeah, that's right, other people in the bathroom that don't wash their hands. Kinda gross, but it's true. You should see all the tests they do on the meat coming into the facility and going out of the facility. Tests run constantly.

Also, I think that my sister should give up being an aerospace engineer and design new equipment for food processing. She'd be so good at it! It SOUNDS lame, but honestly I have been so amazed at all those machines working this past semester as I've gone through the processing plants. It's pretty cool. Well, actually she's going to go to grad school so she'd probably be WAY too qualified for that job. Katie, you rock.

Big News

Over the Thanksgiving Break, I got engaged.

Holiday Festivities

I was reading my sister's blog yesterday and it hit apon something I've really been thinking about lately--the holidays and money. I know this is a big stresser for many people this time of the year. Personally I find it to be rather hard to go into the holiday season without the money I would like to have to buy Christmas presents. I feel that right now in my life I am more poor than I have ever been before. Also with the way my future is looking I'm only going to get even more poor.

Here's the catch though, I have found more things for my family this year than ever before. In the past I've always been in the "What do I get them?" frame of mind. This year, I haven't even been to the mall to look for stuff for presents, but I know all the things I would LIKE to get for my family.

Also, I feel that I don't want to get much from my family. I mean there are things that I know would be really nice to get, but let's face it, my family is spending tons of money on me already. Do I really need anything more? I already have so much.

Even with all of these feelings running through my brain, I am looking forward to this holiday season more than I have since I got to college. I don't know why, but along with missing Dan right now, I miss my family even more. All the traditions, and all the security. I simply can't wait to have time to just be with my family. I mean no family is perfect, but mine is pretty awesome. I think they are great people to be around. I feel so homesick! I can't wait to go home! I love the holidays! It really is the most wonderful time of the year!

Getting Sick

I am kinda hesitant to actually write anything on this blog now because I know it wont elicit the response of my last one. Actually I wasn't expecting very much of a response on the last one.

Anyway, I'm sick. I've been sick for a full week now. I'm blaming all of this on Dan. Sure he wasn't the one that gave me the sickness, but it's still his fault. Weekend before last we went up to Logan to see his brother and sister in law get sealed. I was sleeping in their boy's room (they have two absolutley precious little boys) on the bunk beds. The older boy got the sofa bed in the front room with grandma and grandpa. Anyway, in the middle of the night Travis, the younger one, woke up scared. I let him climb in the bottom bunk with me to sleep for the night. Did I fail to mention that HE was incredibly sick? He coughed right in my face a few times in the night. So yeah, it's Dan's fault. Also compounded with this sickness was that last night I decided that I wanted to eat chocolate so I went out and bought four candybars on sale and ate ALL of them last evening. This morning not only do I have a cold but I fell kinda gross in my stomach from all the chocolate.

The worst part about all this is that Dan thinks that getting sick is all in your head. He says that people get sick, but they chose to let it effect them. Like when he got mono and didn't know it until he tried to donate blood and they wouldn't take it because of his mono. So perhaps to an extent he is right. On the other hand, I'm not the only one in the world that gets sick. I am most definitely sick. I can't help that. I have tried to keep going as usual, but the fact of the matter is that I don't have as much strength as a healthy person would. So I'm sick and I can't even say anything to him. I think it stems from the fact that his whole family consisted of healthy children. That's just my theory though.

At any rate, I'm sick and I want to be better right now. I wish it worked like that.

I'm A Girl

Recently I have noticed an opinion in myself and those around me that is quite startling. I'm not sure how or when this opinion was formed but it has been firmly intrenched in the attitude of those around me. What is this upsetting opinion you might ask? Well, I'll tell you. It is the opinion that being girly is not ok. I understand that being ANNOYINGLY girly is, well....annoying. Talking really loud in a group of girls and squealing and making noises of that sort kind of makes me want to vomit. (I used to do this, but I have found the actions not to my liking.) I don't recommend that to anyone.

I think this opinion arises from the perspective that to be girly means to be annoying/brainless. I propose a different view. To be girly means to be a girl. There's not a girl I know that doesn't get excited when someone she's interested in shows some interest back. Also to be a girl can mean lots of other things including, being compassionate, clever, classy, and chic.

I understand the negative attitude displayed about being girly. I have just one thing to add though. I'M A GIRL! I like being a girl. I like sitting down when I pee. Also, I like getting excited when a boy likes me. I like feeling comfortable falling asleep in a boy's arms. I like getting excited to see a boy that I love. I don't think that there is anything wrong with any of these. So let me ask you all out there, is being a girl wrong? I say no. I'm going to keep on being a girl. That doesn't mean that I'm going to go around giggling mindlessly or making that sighing noise during a romantic movie.

I guess the bottom line here is: I'm a girl so it's ok if I'm girly.

Registration

Registration is the worst time of the year. You never get what you need or want and you have to just settle for what you really don't want. I just sit infront of my computer feeling my frustration level rising. I would like to get this secretary job in the computer science department that my roommate knows is going to open up. I need the 8AM-12PM block of time open for it. That means that next semester I'm going to have a fair amount of evening classes. Not that bad, but have two three hour labs on top of all my regular classes. It doesn't seem like I'll be able to get them all worked out without any conflicts. I don't know how I'm going to fit all of my classes in before I transfer, but it will happen, I know it will. I will do whatever it takes to get into the classes I want, even if that means I have to sacrifice my first child. Well, maybe not that far. Maybe.

After the registration frustration I went to my classes. We got a HUGE section to read about dairy. I mean I love milk and probably this will be the most interesting part of the class, but that is A LOT of material to cover. I'm going to have to know so much! After that I went to my food law class. We went over the take home test. I HATE FOOD LAW! I spent 3.5 hours in the library on that test and I still think I didn't do so hot becuase he asked lame questions. Questions that highlight a tiny part of the CFR. By the way did I ever say how much the CFR is lame in and of itself. Too much to know and read through that doesn't say much. Lame!

On the plus side I don't have work today. That means a whole afternoon open to go take my stats test and study for O-chem. I'm sure it'll end up being a pretty ok kinda day. Thanks for letting me vent.

Mittens

Ok, so this post might just be lame, but I wanted to dedicate some of my blog with the belongings that I spend the most time with in the winter.....my mittens. I love my mittens, they are soft and warm and I couldn't last the winter without them. The other day I was on campus and some guy tried to make fun of me about wearing my mittens and it didn't work at all. The thing is that once I wear my mittens I never take them off. From the months of November to February it's a pretty safe bet that I'm wearing them. I got these little treasures of delight either my junior or senior year of high school. Since then every winter nobody really sees my hands. They now have permanent marker on them from my job last year and are starting to get holes in them, but I fixed the holes yesterday and I don't mind the black marker. I would probably be worried by the marker, except I don't know if I can ever get a pair of mittens that are so good. They are thick, but not too thick. Two layers of soft, thin polar fleece wrap my hands in a delightful warmth. Anyway, I'd like to thank whoever gave these little delights to me a couple of years ago. They never knew what a source of joy they would be in my life.

Fall Rain

It has been a real fall week here at the BYU. As I was walking up to campus the other day I decided that I am in despirate need of something. I need a new coat. Anyone that knows me might be thinking right now, "Reah right you need another coat. You already have three coats." They would be right about the amount of coats I have, but I feel that just one more would do the trick. I'm going to describe the coats that I have to you and you see if you can figure out where the hole is that would be fixed by another coat.

1) I have a beautiful green wool coat that I bought myself last winter to wear with nice clothing. It is mid claf and I wear it on Sunday's over my church dresses. It kind of looks like a dress and it is beautiful. It's not very practical though so I don't feel safe wearing it during the week where it could get dirty/ruined.

2) I have a rain jacket. This rain jacket is great. It keeps the rain off of me without making it too hot. It's just one thin layer of jacket so if it's cold then I have a hard time with it.

3) I have a snow/winter coat that is really warm. My parents bought it for me when I was a senior in high school and it is truly amazing. It is so warm. There is no way I'm getting cold in that thing. I love it.

Do you see the gaping hole in my coat coverage? Well, if you don't I'll tell you what it is. I need a jacket that would be warmer than the rain jacket and not as warm as the winter coat. I decided this because the other day when it wasn't raining, it was just really cold I decided to go onto campus with my winter coat on because that rain jacket was NOT keeping me warm enough. Well, I got about half way up the hill and I was about to die I was so hot! Then when I was in my class I took it off and got cold! It was ridiculous. Anyway, I know if my grandma read this she'd probably tell me that I have enough coats and I'm just complaining. Well the truth is that she's right, and I know it. All I'm saying is if I had just one more coat I'd be happy as a clam temperature wise this fall/winter. Also I realize that it doesn't get as cold in Oregon as it does in Utah, so that new coat I was describing would be pretty good for Oregon or Washington if I end up there. Anyway, that's what I decided the other day.

Teaching a Pig to Sing

My dad likes to "discuss" issues in life. His discussions have two scenarios.
1) He already has his mind made up. You have come to a different opinion than he has. He thinks that if he repeats the facts of the situation to you again, you will suddenly say, "Oh you are right! How could I come to that stupid opinion?"
2) He doesn't really have an opinion on the subject being "discussed" at all and just dances around you trying to make you worked up.
Either of these scenarios ends up making one or both of the people involved upset.

My grandpa does the exact same thing.

It is for this reason I learned early on about "dicussions." My mom always says (and recently said this to me again), "You can't teach a pig to sing and if you try it'll just make the pig annoyed and you frustrated." This is my feeling on "discussions." If you have an opinion that you've come to after having looked at the facts that's great. I can have looked at the EXACT SAME set of facts and come to a completely different conclusion. That doesn't mean that one opinion is right and the other is wrong. It is based on the different experiences people have in their lives and the different perceptions they have on those experiences.

I have no problem with discussions where the aim is just to see what the other person thinks. In fact I think that this is one of my favorite pass times. I once told one of my very good friends when I first met him that my hobby/pass time is just to talk. He later admitted to me that when he first heard this that he thought it was stupid, but now he realizes that I just like to hear different ideas. I think it makes life interesting that people come to different opinions after having reviewed the same set of data. Learning about something from a different perspective is like exploring. I love it.

What I don't like, however, is someone that thinks they are doing this, but in actuallity is trying to test me or change my opinion. I would say that in general I have thought a lot about my opinions. I like to think about things and test them out before I form an opinion on them. Opinions are just that. An opinion can't be right; it can't be wrong. I can't always tell when someone is trying to do this until I am in the conversation. Sometimes it comes in subtley when the person just tries to keep telling me the same things over and over or when they try and convince me of their correctness (again an opinion isn't right or wrong). Other times it is blatant when someone says to me, "well you're wrong."

I have encountered a few people in my life that like to debate topics. This can be ok if one or both of the people involved is willing to change their stance on an issue. In my life experience, this rarely happens. I have seen most people's debates be rather similar to my father's type number 1 discussions. I find this to be a pointless exercise. The other person has made up his mind and I have made up my mind so trying to change opinions or go over facts again doesn't teach me anything and it doesn't teach them anything and it ends up frustrating one or the other of us. That is something I will never understand.

My shortcoming in this area is that I get very worked up when I get into this situation. I can feel myself getting worked up and so then I just have to close my mouth and say to myself, "well, this is something I'm just not going to do with this person again." I think that a lot of times it would be better if people in general (myself included) could just take a second and ask themselves, "What do I want to get out of what I'm saying right now?" or "What's the purpose of this conversation?" I think a lot of unnecessary words would be taken away.

Next time you're talking to someone just take a second and ask yourself, "Am I trying to teach a pig to sing?" (Not that the people you talk to are pigs, but you get the picture.)