Turning Around

Maybe I'm getting old (which compared to the 3 and 1 year olds I spend my day with isn't that far off). Maybe it's the passing of a good friend whom I really should have kept in touch with better. Confession: I thought seriously about calling her the week before she passed not even knowing her health was failing and then blew it off. Maybe it was hearing another good friend from high school is pursuing a career that I think is perfectly suited to her. I don't know what it is, but lately I've been feeling like I really want to gather all my old friends around me. Not just to check up on their facebook status or the random email here and there, but really truly talk to them face to face. And I'm not longing for a high school reunion because honestly besides a handful of very wonderful people I don't really care about much of what happened to the graduating class of 2002. But there are a whole lot of people from the town I grew up in that I'd love to see again. To meet their spouse and children if they have them and to see what they're up to. I want to see them all having success and being wildly happy. I have in my mind that they all are, but honestly who knows?

And it isn't just from my home town. I would love to see how some of the people I went to college with are doing. I would love to go to lunch with them and ask them about the things they are passionate about. The things that keep them going.

Probably I'm being overly romantic about things and logistically insane but wouldn't it be nice if you could gather those people up together and just get a chance to see what they're up to? To say the things you perhaps should have, and the things you hope they are doing, and wish them the success you hope they are having.

Anyway that's what I've been thinking about on this very rainy St. Louis day.

Warning

I just thought I'd tell everyone that just for today, I hate medical school. And also I hate the green color we painted the front room. It's putting me in a bad mood. So it would probably be best if you just stayed away.

Tomorrow things will be different. I promise.

I'm not Dead

It's just that our computer is. Our laptop screen got broken so we took it in to get it fixed. I took it in July 1st and we still don't have it back. They ordered a new screen and when it arrived it was cracked. So then they told me they were waiting for a new one. I called them yesterday and they said the company they ordered the first one from is being obstinate about sending them another one so it looks like they'll just have to eat the cost of that one. Translation to me: there isn't even another screen on the way right now. I'm just about ready to screem. On the plus side we do have our old laptop, but it is really unreliable so I'm not even sure this will post. In fact I've tried to post a small explination three times since July first and my laptop hates me. So hopefully you will all be able to read this.

On the other bright side Dan and I have nearly killed ourselves trying to resurface the walls of our entryway, hallway, stairwell, and upstairs landing all in one week. I can honestly say that I have put my blood sweat and tears into this project. Tonight we finally got to start painting. I'm getting pretty excited for the results. Photos to come. Well, maybe photos to come. We'll have to see.

Happy Father's Day

Did you celebrate Father's Day in your house? We did in ours and this is what we did:

• Ate a nice hot breakfast consisting of oatmeal, with goodies added for those who like that kind of thing, courtesy of Dan.
• Did the breakfast dishes while Dan sanded the stairs and other woodwork.
• Played with the kids while Dan did more sanding.
• Got ready for church while Dan sanded.
• Let Dan get Greg ready for church because who doesn't love trying to get a sleepy baby ready for church?
• Let Dan have Greg for the thrid hour of church because who doesn't love trying to entertain a sleepy hungry baby while in public?
• Made chicken salad for dinner and let Dan accompany that with grilled pineapple (yum!) and baked beans. Thanks Dan.

We just like to make sure he knows how important he is around here. Happy Father's Day!

My Boy

How you've grown! I know it's not a birthday or anything big like that, but I looked at you today and just burst out with love for you so I thought I'd let you know. Which I did in the moment with hugs, kisses, tickles and laughs. And which I will do now so you can read later.

Once you started walking you also decided it was high time you let us know what you were thinking as well. My favorite is whenever you see a ball you run to it pick it up and yell, "tatch!" then you throw it impossibly low so that nobody will be able to catch it. Sometimes there's nobody even around to catch the ball. You just love the ball.

I also love how you stick out your bottom lip. Mostly when you don't want to eat something (which is quite often right now). And that you raise your eyebrows and point your chin at whomever you wish to be talking to.

You are also learning the names for everything these days. You are always pointing and asking, "as dat" which means what's that. Though you can't yet form the words for everything, I'm sure you're learning them very quickly.

Also, you tell jokes. You sister used to do this too. You sit in your car seat and babble and then laugh and laugh like that was the funniest thing you've ever heard. You are such an amazingly great kid and I love you so much.

I feel so blessed to be your mother. There are so many things you want to be doing these days and so many things you are doing. You have taught me that I can love and love and love and there is no limit to it. You are my big boy now. Off to see the world and I'm lucky that I get to be along for the ride. Drive on little guy.

Love,
Momma

Please Support

Hey Everyone,
I know I don't have the largest following out there, but I wanted to direct everyone's attention to my friend Dana. She is an interior designer and has started a group around these parts where we get together once a month and re-design a room or part of a room in a member's house. It was my turn this last month and we decorated my living room. I thought there wasn't anything that could really be done, but boy was I wrong. I love the way it looks. I'm not posting photos quite yet because I decided to do a little more painting of my coffee table. Then I'll post photos.

Back to Dana, she's trying to get onto OWN and she needs votes. So please go over there and vote for her.

Thanks.

Falling To Pieces

Things that have broken in our house since Mother's Day:

• digital camera-with some help from a three year old.
• portable DVD player- good thing it was still under warranty.
• Vacuum cleaner- well really it just got clogged for the 4th time in 2 years and I was fed up with taking it in and spending $30-40 each time to get it fixed. We traded in for a very good used one. (And now it sounds like I went car shopping.)
• laptop screen- This feels like icing on the cake. Aren't things supposed to come in threes? This would be number four!

Dancing

Last weekend we started in on probably the most exciting project we have on our house. This project was the reason we bought the house. This was Dan's dream project. And we have taken a long time to get here. In case you were wondering we started to sand the woodwork on the stairs and built-in bench in our foyer. It is looking beautiful! Very yellow at the moment, but that will change soon. I'm so excited. And so is Dan.

The excitement level reached such heights on Saturday that we ended up having a dance party in our living room. Dan turned on Sierra Hull and we all danced around the room. We, of course, took videos of it, but there's no way Dan would be OK with me posting his dancing on here. All I want is for all of you to know that he does dance!

Wishes

This morning Charlotte woke up a little before 7 (which is just about as perfect a time as you can get in my opinion). She came into our bedroom and snuggled up to me.

We were both awake. Just laying there together. Nothing was being said. We were both enjoying the quiet of the morning.

Then I wondered if she's old enough to remember this. This perfect moment of snuggled in bliss.

She is three now.

Remember this. Please remember this wonderful feeling. You are my joy. You are sunbursts and rainbows and stars in the sky. You are why I start my day. I love you so very much.

One Last Hurrah-Sort Of

Last week we decided to celebrate the ending of our Magic House membership by going twice in one week. We stayed as long as we could before tears started and saw just about everything my children's ages would permit us. It was so much fun now that Greg could walk! I didn't have to take a stroller. Here are the photos of our last hurrah:
Charlotte climbed down the three story beanstalk-and didn't get stuck! That was a first.

Greg loved this ball toy. Put the balls in at the top and they ring some bells while falling to the bottom.

Charlotte loved to see these balls floating in the air from the jets below. Her hair is crazy in this photo because she had just been through the machine that makes your hair stand up with static electricity. (My science teachers are all cringing right now because I can't think of the name of that thing.)

Greg spent a lot of time at this wall of bubble mirrors. He thought it was very funny.

The sand table was really fun for both children. Bonus that Greg could reach it!

A great time was had by all and I was getting a little sad when we left the last time. Then yesterday I got a renewal email from the Magic House. What a wonderful gift! Thanks Grandma and Grandpa! We will love it all over again! When I told Charlotte about our membership she squealed and asked if we could go and I told her not until we get the new card.

We are very interested in the mail these days.

First of June

The first questions out of Charlotte's mouth today:

"It's June now?"

"Are Grandma and Grandpa here yet?"

She is clearly excited for any visits from familly.

Tidbits to Remember

I have a few stories I want to blog about, but after putting in a new garden today I just don't have the patience to upload the photos to the computer, then to blogger, then to write a story about them. It will come later.

What I want to do now is write down a few tidbits about how my children are now so I don't forget.

First Charlotte:

• We didn't (haven't) taken down the Happy Birthday banner from Greg's birthday. Last week she looked up at it from eating her breakfast and asked why we still have it up. I told her because I just haven't gotten to it yet. Then I asked her if she knew what it said wherein she told me, "Green H, White A, Red P, Blue P, Gold Y." I was very impressed.
• At her three year check-up she was 37 1/2" tall (25%) and weighed 33 1/2 lb (75%). What a cute little shortie.
• Charlotte makes up all sorts of pretend friends that hang around our house. This reminds me a lot of her cousin Travis and I love it.
• Charlotte is currently taking music classes at the Folk School of St. Louis for the summer. She loves them. She especially likes Sally the camel. And the egg shaker songs and games.
• Two weeks ago in the car she asks me, "Mom what does pitter patter mean?" This came out of nowhere so I gave it my best shot by saying, "It is the sound of little feet running along." Silence from the back seat, then, "Umm Mom? I think maybe it's the sound of rain maybe?" First reaction if you knew the answer then why did you ask the question? Then I realized one of the egg shaker games is the rain game where they match the volume and tempo of the teacher's guitar with their egg shakers while singing "pitter patter" until the teacher reaches the thunder and lightening.
• She loves the egg shaker games.

And now for Greg:

• At Greg's one year check-up he was 29 1/4" tall (25%) and weighed 22lb 3 oz (50%). Which means he gained about one pound from the time he was 4 months to the time he was a year. Sounds a lot like his daddy.
• When Greg walks he holds his hands above his head. Usually he is also opening and closing one of the hands.
• Greg plays with his hair. All the time. I used to think it was his ear, but now that his hair is a little thicker and longer he is always playing with it.
• One of the spindles from the banister broke a while back. It wasn't a big deal until Friday when Greg realized he could see Suzie below him through the hole and then I had to catch him by the leg before he fell. That opening is now tethered off until a more permanent solution can be found.
• Greg says, "Mama!" "DA!" "uh-oh" "Baa" (Ball) and his approximation of cracker, kitty cat, and dog.
• Tonight he also figured how to say "Mana" which is Mindy (aka his favorite person in the whole world right now).

7:25 AM

After a few weeks of having the ability to walk with zero motivation to try it Greg decided to join the world of bi-peds yesterday. It happened while I was doing my hair at 7:25 AM. He still falls down on his bum a lot, but walking is surely his favorite at the moment. You can see in his face that he's totally excited about the new trick he can do. Dan and I tried all day yesterday to get a video of it, but were totally unseccessful. Then this morning at the park...

We went to the park at 8:30 and by the time we left an hour later it was already 80 degrees!

The Pool That Daddy Bought

When it got hot here in March I wanted to buy a new pool for the kids. Dan wouldn't let me because the pools I was looking at were the small blow up kind. He said that Suzie, the cat, would pop them and we would just be wasting our money. He had a point. So I didn't buy one. We made do with storage bins with water in them as water tables. Then it got cold and it wasn't an issue.

We kept our eyes open and my friend told me they had the kind we were looking for at Walmart. We headed out and bought just exactly the pool Dan wanted. I was sure glad we had it on Saturday. Summer officially hit St. Louis with and 83 degree sunny and humid day. We spent the day out in our little pool.

Yes, the little pool has a slide! The water started out clean and clear, but there was so much re-applying of sunscreen it ended the day hazy. We emptied it.Greg kept trying to climb the slide and then slipping and face planting into the water. It didn't bother him enough to stop trying. I had to get into the pool to keep him from drowning.

Saturday was one of those magical times with my kids where life is good and you remember what it felt like to have summer last forever.

Oh The Worries

Last week I hurt my neck. Just like I hurt my neck at my cousin's wedding right after Charlotte was born. Turns out I hold my babies exactly the same way every time I pick them up and over time my neck gets hurt. That, and I tend to tense my muscles more than necessary. So when this happened I dug through the medicine shelf and found the muscle relaxer my OBGYN gave me last time this happened. After consulting my physician (Dan) I took one. It was supposed to last 6 hours.

It didn't.

I was out of it for a good 24 hours. It was rough. Try as I might my body was moving in slow motion. Not something I want to do again soon. Then again I don't want my neck to go into muscle spasms anytime soon either.

After the 24 hours was over though I realized that I felt Great. All my muscles were relaxed and my body suddenly wasn't revolting on me causing me pain. And that's when it hit me.

I'm a worrier and those worries have been building up for a while. What's funny is that mostly I don't really feel worried. It was only when I was forced to take a step back from the day to day grind that I realized I need to start doing something about it.

So my solution, instead of living on muscle relaxers which sounds a bit like torture to me, is to figure out my worries and stresses and find constructive ways to deal with them. As it turns out though, being a mom means you have worries and stresses. They come with the job title. I watched a Gerber commercial a few days after this incident that perfectly shows the messages moms receive every day. It talked about how what kids eat from birth to five changes their bodies for their entire life. Oh great! Let your kid eat a cookie now and they'll never live a long, healthy life. You better watch all their bites or you may ruin them! Now if that's not stress I don't know what is. Trivial, and yet not.

Oh! And add on top of the stresses and worries of motherhood the stresses and worries of being poor which we are. And you know what? There are some perks to being poor (hi WIC and Medicaid), but that doesn't take away all the stresses there are as well (hi WIC and Medicaid). Plus, our particular brand of poor (medical school) has it's own healthy serving of worry.

When I was in high school I would literally be unable to sleep because I was too stressed and worried about things. I'm fairly certain my parents seriously considered sending me to therapy. Though it never came to that. Now I think to myself, what on earth did I have to be worried about?

Please don't misunderstand me. This isn't complaining. I love my stresses, and my reasons to worry. I love my family and kids, I love my husband's efforts to an excellent career, and in a way, I also love being poor. It has ripped from me so very much of the pride I never knew I had. I am amazed at the things I will do because I love my kids. I just need to also allow myself to face the fact that these choices we've made, these things we are trying to do and accomplish, they're hard. If I don't I might just end up a cripple in need of a very long nap.

I also would like to acknowledge that many, many beautiful and wonderful women and mothers are much more able to handle their stress and worries, which are so very unique to each person. So the question I have is, what do you do with your stress? How do you identify it and manage it? One solution I am trying to implement is a spiritual one. I am trying to remember the importance of Alma 37:36-37

"Yea, and cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever.
"Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God"

I think that, along with drinking more water and eating less crap are good first steps.

It's a Miracle

In light of me not taking the little things for granted I chose to see my son making it to his first birthday as a miracle! He didn't kill himself! Or cause himself to be killed! Anyway, we're so happy he's in our family. In honor of his first birthday we had the pancake cake and he opened presents. Mostly that means that Charlotte opened his presents. But both were excited about the things inside.

Also as an afternoon treat (and instead of cake or cupcakes) I gave him a jello pudding cup. I did this for Charlotte too and liked it. That's about as much effort as I think a 1 year old needs.

Happy Birthday Little Guy!

Quick Quote

As heard coming from upstairs.

Dan: You need to get dressed.

Charlotte: I am.

Dan: Right, but you're just wearing panties. You need to wear something over them.

Up Before the Birds

The birds start chirping at 5:18 AM around our place. How about yours? Would you like to know how I know? Greg wakes up before them most days. Most days he starts making noise around 5 AM. Today he woke up with a scream at 4:45 AM. I can't even blame this on Dan because it's before he gets up for the day. I want this to stop, but I'm not sure how. Any ideas?

Here's what I've already done:

• He goes to bed at 7:30. I'm not willing to make it any later because I already pushed it back from 6:30 and that didn't change this issue.
• He has a room darkening shade. It isn't a blackout shade, but it does keep the room dark enough for nap time during the day.
• He's off pacifiers so it isn't that he's losing it because he doesn't use them.
• He takes great naps.
• He sleeps solidly from 7:30 until 5.
• We feed him a second dinner right before bed so he's not hungry. Plus, this morning I refused to nurse him right when he got up just to see if it was that and he calmed down without it.

Anyway, all advice is welcome, even if we don't use it.

History Lesson via Daddy's Quilt

Remember the NFL quilt that sneaked it's way onto our bed? Well, once it was on there it never really left. Except for in the summer when we only need one quilt on the bed. To which Dan replies that I'm crazy for wanting the AC on during the day and yet sleeping with a quilt on at night. I know I am, but at least I haven't turned on the AC right Dan? Right?

The other day Charlotte and I were cuddling in bed and she kept pointing to the pictures asking me about them. Some were easy, but others weren't. Call me crazy, but the logos have changed since before I was born. Plus, it looked like there were three different kind of pirates on that thing and I'm pretty sure there aren't three different NFL teams with pirate mascots. So I told her to just ask Daddy since it's his quilt anyway.

Sunday I'm in the bathroom doing my hair and Charlotte asks Daddy about the quilt. They spent a half hour talking about the quilt. Turns out that there's a lot of American history tied up in that quilt. All about the patriots, and the red skins (and how we don't call them that anymore). There was more, but I was only half listening. I learned that there are indeed two teams with basically pirates so at least I wasn't too far out of it.

Amazing what a quilt can do.

Just Because

Because it's Friday, and because every time I see this photo on my screen saver, and because I think it's so funny I thought I'd share it with all of you today.

When people say they worry about giving young girls Barbies because then the girls might think they want to be Barbie, I'm not sure this is what they have in mind.