Reflections

I drove home this weekend with my cousin. She is so funny! I didn't even know until I had to spend 10 hours with her in the car non-stop. We stopped at a rest stop on the way home because I was so full of pee I thought it might come out my eyes. We went into the "restroom" that had wet floors and those airplane style toilets. You know the ones with the flap that opens to let the waste out of the bottom and use the least amount of water possible. She was in the stall next to mine when she yells, "Ahh!" After we got out I asked her what happened. She said that as she flushed the toilet the flapp opened, the water sprayed the stuff down and then the flap shut, WHILE THE WATER WAS STILL SPRAYING! Needless to say the water sprayed all over her foot! GROSS! In other news a friend of mine just got home from his mission this weekend. He left the summer after our freshman year in college. The question in my mind is how the heck did time all of the sudden jump forward? I went to his farewell! It's too bad I didn't get to go to his homecoming. He always was an amazing person and I'm sure he'll end up doing simply amazing things in his life! Anyway my leaving BYU and starting a new life away from everything I've known for the past three years has really given me a lot of stuff to reflect on. His homecoming hit this idea home to me in more concrete terms. It seems ironic to me that as my friends are coming home and back to school, I'm leaving it. Now I can't be sure of this, but I think I've changed tremendously over the past three years. Not that I've changed per se, but that I've grown up. My freshman year in college I was so naive in my understanding of things. I kind of regret how people viewed me after that year. I always kinda felt misunderstood. I realized this past month that the way people saw me that year was a direct result of what I let them see. They say that you can change who you are from high school to college, which is only sort of true. You can change what you let people see and percieve about you. You will always be you deep down inside, it is my opinion that doesn't really change. You can change the ficade though. When I decided that I wanted to be friends with someone I let them see in me what I thought they would like the most. Unfortunately I showed the lesser aspects of my character. The ones that were superficial. Somehow I went from one of the best good girls in my high school to one of the "easier" girls in college. (That's in quotes because I went to BYU and the general public would never think anything I had done was "easy") The reason that happened was that I showed that side of myself to the people around me and once you are percieved that way it is really easy to act that way too. I never told any of them how I didn't kiss a guy my entire high school carreer. I never told them that until my senior year the parties at my house were all girls. I never told them that I was always "one of the boys" with all the guys I knew. I never told them about telling boys I wouldn't date them until I was 16 and once I was that age they had stopped asking. Don't let this post make you think I didn't love my freshman year in college. I look back on it with fond memories. I think the people I met there are some of the most amazing people. I can see them being the future leaders of businesses and organizations, families and nations. I just wish I had shown them something better of myself. Now I have someone that thinks the world of me! He thinks I'm better than anyone else. His perception of me is so precious and dear to my heart. I realize now that is because I showed him everything about me. If he doesn't know everything about my past, he certainly knows all the parts of my personallity that were created from those. I am so excited to be with someone forever that loves me so much and that thinks I'm so amazing! So as scary as moving into the great unknown is, I am so glad to know that I will get to do it with him by my side. With someone that thinks so highly of you, how could you not work to achieve the best?