Night owl

You know what is a horrible time to be fully awake? 2:44am.
But here it is 2:44am and I've been awake since 1am.  I go a little crazy worrying about things at 2:44 am.

I know there are times and seasons to life and I'm currently in the my toddler has oddly regressed to waking up in the middle of the night needing a drink of milk and my kids' cries fully wake me up and so now I'm awake and can't fall back to sleep because all those things I decided to worry about later is now, time of life.  The concern for me is that what if my kids have ruined me for a full nights sleep forever.  Like how some experiences just change you and years of not sleeping through the night will make it impossible for me to ever do it once they are finally old enough.

My mom doesn't sleep in in the mornings.  She is always the first to wake up.  And by first to wake up I mean 5:30am. Years of having to wake up early and now that she doesn't have to she still has to.

So there is that to think about.

Spit and Polish

I started music lessons when I was young.  In the neighborhood of 5.  I started violin lessons when I was 8ish and played the violin through high school and some into college.  Music, and the violin was a huge part of my life.  During high school I was in three hours of rehearsal minimum every day, and then did practicing on top of that.

Then in college I just sort of dropped it.  Without the external groups to be in there was really little motivation to keep up with it while doing my studies.  Then I got married and had kids and life is hectic.

My daughter, 6, is now taking violin lessons.  Every day I practice with her.  I mold her hands to what they should be and ask her to think about the curve of her pinkie. And it has reminded me of the curve of my pinkie.  The straight spine on the hard chairs.  The gentle yet strong motion of the arm.  The weight of my head holding the violin in place.  I love being reminded of the basics, the basics which will always always be helpful for every musician.

Start small, take little steps and you will make it to the top of the mountain.  Work here and there and you can create something beautiful that you never thought you could do.  I love creating music.  I love being around others and putting my "voice" with theirs to blend and create.

And so

Tomorrow I am going to the chamber symphony here in town that is open to anyone that wants to join.  I'm joining.  Or at least I'll give it my best try.  Just looking at the music tonight seems daunting.  With all the nerves inside of me I'm not sure how it will go.  I just hope this is an accepting group of people willing to be patient while I take my first steps to the top of the mountain.  Start small, work hard, and I can succeed.

Vegetables and other growing things

Today Charlotte was at school, Greg was at a playgroup and Lee was totally happy.  One of those golden opportunities... to go grocery shopping.  Crazy how I get a little pep in my step just thinking about taking one child to the grocery store. I swear I didn't do a good shopping trip all summer long. I just didn't because with three kids the longer you spend in the store the more fighting, whining, and ultimately buying you do.  Pretty soon it feels like supermarket sweep. In my mind I say, "OK KIDS! You get in the cart and put your arms out.  I'm running down the aisle and anything that lands in the cart we're taking home with us. I'll figure out what to cook with twenty boxes of Ritz crackers, panko bread crumbs, and granola bars later. Just get me out of this place."

But today was not that day. Today Lee and I walked down almost every aisle (I refuse to go down the juice/cracker and the chips/candy aisles) and some we walked down twice.  I let Lee be out of the cart and pick out items from our list which is wildly difficult, but such a joy for him.  He is growing like a weed.  Also the four or five retired couples and old men seemed to enjoy his efforts to help.  They would chuckle and comment on my little helper. He was ready to please with a wave of the hand and a short bye from him, his one and only trick.

But another reason that the trip today was so enjoyable was that I got a boat load of produce.  Now I am not a "foodie." I don't rave over dishes I've had.  In fact, Dan and I rarely eat out at all.  Also being responsible for brakfast, lunch, dinner and any snacks for this whole crew does make me want to quit sometimes. But I love food.  I love it for the science of it.  I love getting vegetables that I rarely use and creating.  I personally think it is amazing all the things we know about food and how it works.  Look at these vegetables I kept thinking to myself.  I packed them into the fridge.

Then tonight for dinner we ate carrots and beans from our garden and the bell pepper from our plant went into my sloppy joe.  I am fully aware that nobody cares what I had for dinner.  But even so I can't help but love and enjoy the bounty before me.  A fully stocked fridge and a garden not done with its bounty.

Also, and on a totally un related note today Greg found his own experiment. He's getting so big.  This is what he discovered.

His balloon on the air vent floats when the AC is running.  Pretty cool.

Seasons

While writing yesterday's post I forgot about this little exchange that I still laugh about.

Charlotte was walking home from school in the hot humid afternoon.  When we came together she said, "I wish it wasn't summer anymore! I wish it were winter." I responded, "you would rather be walking home in the snow?" She said, "no. I want it to be early winter, where its chilly, but no snow." I laughed and told her that what she was describing was fall.

Only in Minnesota is fall described as early winter.

Running and still falling

September was going to be my month to get back on the wagon so to speak for writing on this thing.  And then school started and hoo-boy!  I'm running and running and running and still I can't catch up. My goal was to get the mountain of dishes done today, but it still isn't done. I know it's bad when there aren't any spoons left. I didn't get it all done before Lee woke up from his nap.  There is really no point in cleaning the kitchen while Lee is in it. Charlotte had violin lesson today and it went really well, but we committed to practice every day and today's practice was supposed to happen after dinner.  You know, the dinner where Lee decided to not eat anything but cottage cheese, but mostly he just smeared it all over the table.  The practice time where Charlotte wasn't all that interested, but Greg was desperately hurt that he wasn't being included. Half way through I gave up and included him which made practice take longer.

All of which to say that we're still working out the kinks.  One of these days I'll get the chore chart together and mornings will actually get accomplished.

So even though I have no real point to this post I wanted to record a small conversation I had with Charlotte after school her first day.

Charlotte: I realized today that some people are just mean people.
Me: what happened?
Charlotte: there were just some kids that were mean.
Me: how do you know they were mean?
Charlotte: first of all, they were using mean words. Second of all, they were using mean voices.
Me: what did you do?
Charlotte: I just ignored them. Some people are just mean.

It seemed so grown up to me for her to realize that sometimes what other people do has less to do with her and more to do with them.