I Miss You

Last night Charlotte woke up at 2:30 AM to eat.



Then she woke up every hour after that.



Ever since this vacation started she hasn't really slept well, but last night my husband had gone home for his bsa camping trip. So I had to get up every time.

Mom Friends

Everyone (and by everyone I mean all the mom/parenting type of magazines) says that it's really important for me to get "mom friends." The good news about this is that my sister-in-law lives three blocks away from me and had her baby 7 weeks ahead of me. We are a perfect match so that whole, this-is-how-I-met-my-first-mommy-friend thing was already made the moment we moved into town. The bad news: we're moving in three weeks. We're moving to a place that I have never seen before and never really paid attention to until I found out its a place I might live.

My husband is totally stoked to be going because, well, this is his life's dream. Goal number one since the third grade (when he figured out he would not be big enough to ever be a pro football player) was to become a doctor. I am so excited for him and for us that we're on our way to the future! I feel like his cheerleader sometimes. "Way to go honey! I always knew you could do it! You are the best!" These remarks are all deserved on his part. He's a great husband, and one of the brightest men I have ever met.

Here's the thing, St. Louis doesn't have my mommy friend! I am so comfortable with my sister-in-law that I know I can go over to her house in the middle of the day and she wont feel inconvienced. In fact she worries when I don't show up for a few days! Medical school is a full time sort of thing. I know my husband, as great as he is, is only human. His time will be taken up much by his schooling (as I think it should. I don't want my doctor to have slacked off learning his profession when I go to get help!). Plus, he's not a mom, he's never been through what I'm going through. It feels so therapeutic to be able to talk to someone who knows exactly what I'm going through because she's going through it too.

I feel exactly like I did when we moved the summer between fourth and fifth grade. To be precise I feel like I did on the second day of school. I had no idea what I was jumping into then. Now I know how hard it can be to make new friends. Here's hoping it's easier at 23 than it is at 10. Maybe it'll be like freshman year in college. Everyone was friendless and looking for new friends and so it was pretty easy to make them. Yeah, it'll be like that. Right?

"Mom Clothes"

My brother is 10 years older than I am. He and his wife got married when I was somewhere in the 13 year-old range. Once after they were married my mom, sister, and I were with her and her baby girl and I said to her that she wears "mom clothes." I did not say this as an insult, just a statement of fact. I didn't realize how much it must have hurt her feelings, but with her reaction I knew I had said something wrong. It is only until now that I realize what a horrible thing I must have said to her!

Ever since having a baby I have felt just like I did at 12 when my body had changed shape and I didn't like the way it looked. I didn't know how to dress it, and I was sure it didn't look as good as the girls around me. Now I have that same feeling, but for different reasons. At three months post partem I was still in maternity (or once you've had the baby I like to call them fat-girl) clothing. Then my dad of all people said it really was time for me to get out of maternity wear. In my heart I knew he was right. He had been right for a good month. The reason I was still in maternity clothing was three fold:

1. I no longer fit into my old clothing. Everything was too tight or just didn't fit right.
2. I didn't want to spend the money to get new clothing.
3. I worried that becuase my old clothing made me look and feel fat, going shopping for new clothing would confirm that yes, I really was a fatty.

The thing is that I realized I was wearing the same oversized T-shirts and baggy jeans every week! YUCK!

Yesterday I went shopping with my mom and dad (my mom really is the best person for me to shop with! She tells me the truth and we can be silly in the dressing rooms). And do you want to know the truth? Once I gave up trying to be what I used to be and really trying on things that fit the new me I realized that I still look good! It felt good too. Clothing that fits is the best thing in the whole world! I feel so much better now! I know this might sound vain, like I shouldn't be worrying about all this because I have a new baby that is the most precious thing, but I do. Once I stopped feeling guilty about feeling ugly I was able to move forward to a new me. Plus, I'm only one size bigger than I was before the baby. That's pretty good I'd say.

Now my new clothing isn't what I used to wear. I don't think that it is "mom clothes" either. I'd like to think it's somewhere in between. Older, more grown up clothing, but that fits and looks good too.