Just Say Thank You

There are many lessons I clearly remember my mom and grandma making a point to teach me. Make your bed when you get out of it. Wash your hands. Look both ways. Read books. Lots of books. Always keep learning. Hot water takes out chocolate, cold water to take out blood. Little things that I learned to lean on. One of those lessons I have found particularly important in my life. That is the lesson of how to graciously accept a compliment. Not many people do that and sometimes it can be hard.

For instance when I was growing up and would play my violin at a recital. People would come up to me later, no matter how well or poorly I did, and compliment me on my performance. Some of the time I would be thinking, were they actually listening to what I was playing? That doesn't matter though. What matters is that person enjoyed your performance and is letting you know that. The appropriate response is always thank you. Nothing more, nothing less.

In life I can be presented at times with situations where it is hard to accept other's compliments of myself without bravado or dismissiveness. The lesson that I was taught is that in complimenting me a person is graciously giving me a gift. One that they most certainly did not have to give. My responsibility in that situation is to accept that gift with the same grace and sincerity in which they gave it. I'd like to think that this lesson has been thoroughly learned.

Even though I feel I have mostly learned this lesson, there is a situation that I'm acutely aware of my lack of ability to accept the compliment. That is when people compliment me on the kind of mother I am. (Which my sister does quite often.) I wonder why I can't just smile and say thank you when someone gives me such a wonderful gift.

There are a few reasons why I think I have trouble with this. The first being that my job as a mother isn't done. How can I possibly know how well I've done on a job that's not finished? My children are so young. There's so much of their lives ahead of them. I have so much to teach them and so many, many pitfalls to avoid. The last notes of the sonata aren't ringing in the air yet.

Another reason is that nobody sees the mistakes I'm making quite as acutely as I do. Nobody sees when I lose my temper. Nobody sees when I'm lazy and let my kids do things that I told myself I'd never let them do. Nobody sees how amazingly my children bounce back from a mistake that I led them into. The sharp and flat notes I make as I play the song seem to be more amplified in my ears.

Regardless of those reasons though I should take the compliment as it is given. With love. Just like the songs I would play on the violin. When someone comes up to me afterward and says how much they enjoyed it, even if I think they're only saying that to make me feel better, my response should be to smile and say thank you. And you know what? It does make me feel better. There are too many times when I hear negative thoughts and actions about motherhood. Why not gladly receive any positive that may come along?

So to all you moms and grandmas out there that are trying your best to be good role models, WAY TO GO. I think you're great. I think your kids are beautiful, smart, loving, and gifted. You are amazing. Keep up the good work.




PS. In no way am I trying to fish for compliments. I've just been thinking about this lately and wanted to see if anyone else had similar thoughts on the subject.