"My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing."
I guess it comes as no real surprise that I've been trying to work on having patience this time as well. I've been getting so upset at the crying, screaming, lonely days I've been living with the toddlers of the house and just wishing I had the self control to not be so frustrated. Because I do love what I'm doing. I love this wonderful life I have and my amazing kids. There isn't a day that passes where I'm not amazed at their lovely beings. Over and over to myself I've been thinking what is it that I'm missing? what am I not seeing here that is preventing me from being more patient with my kids, myself, my husband, and my situation? What part of my faith is being worked on?
On Sunday I was particularly focused (or shall I say nervous) about the upcoming three moths where Dan will, for all intents and purposes, be gone from our family. I was worried about trying to be on top of everything all on my own and how I don't really think I can do that. Then that scripture came again to my mind. Only this time I realized something. I don't know if it really connects to this verse, but it whispered peace to me.
I realized that patience is such a Godly trait. He has so much patience with me. These months he has not been trying to tell me to be patient with my progress, with what I'm doing, but to be patient with my children. Something, my very wonderful sister-in-law said to me while they were here on spring break in April came to me as well. She said, in essence, its hard for moms to not think of their first child as a little adult. How often I have thought of my children as little adults, getting frustrated with how much they blow things out of proportion. Of course the color of the Popsicle is important to you. Of course you care if you get to wear that shirt backwards. What the Lord wants for me is to see that. And to settle into it.
It came to me that in order for me to be where I want to be, to be patient and to have a loving home I needed to sacrifice something. I need to be able to stand back and sacrifice my control of the daily situations. In order for me to lead my family the way I want them to be led I need to focus more on serving my family and taking the time to listen to them. Because when I do I am blown away by the things that I learn from them. What a wonderful blessing it is to be a mom.
3 comments:
I'm not a mom, so I really can't fully relate.
However, ever since I was at grandma's house in July I've been trying to work on just loving my life in the moment. I try to stop everyday and just soak up the happiness of what I'm doing without having a million thoughts and plans crowd in and make me feel anxious.
I think of them as "retired moments." Like any job that I feel like I have to get done gets pushed to the backburner.
Like when they stop for coffee, cookies and a chat everymorning.
They are my examples in life!
Take advantage of these wonderful days you get to spend with your little ones, they won't last forever. They grow up, move away and replace you with the love of their lives.
The plus to all that is that I am alone again with the love of my life just like when we started our lives together.
I think you are too hard on yourself. You are doing GREAT!!!
grandma jane
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