Not A Baby Anymore

I woke up about 10 minutes before the kids a few days ago. I lay there in bed and enjoyed the stillness. The soft yellow light of the rising sun was coming in filtered by the blind. I heard the garbage truck going down our alley, the two wonderful dogs that belong to our neighbors, and even a few birds ready for the day. Then through all that I heard the shuffle-shuffle of bare feet on the carpet in the kids' room. Soon there was a little body snuggled next to mine.

We got to cuddle.

I felt her warmth as she molded herself to fit as snugly as possible. The tickle of her curly hair that had escaped the braid as she slept was across my cheeks. The droopy eyelids of the still waking little girl were there too. We listened to the start of the day. Then we blinked and winked at each other. Our own little game to play while we were waiting for the boys to wake up. That moment was wonderful.

It lasted about five minutes.

Then I heard the "Mama!" coming from his crib. I got up and went to my baby. I brought him back to bed with us. All four of us squeezed into the queen sized bed. We snuggled and wiggled until Daddy woke up and Charlotte had to pee and Greg wanted to find a book to read. They all left me alone in the bed. Then my two kids came back into the room. They don't start the day without Mama if they can help it.

For a moment my two little babies stood in the doorway and it hit me. They're not babies anymore. There are no traces of baby even left in Charlotte. And only a few hints of them in Greg. I have no baby right now. I have a preschooler and a toddler.

I love them more today than I have ever before.