Being the wife of a medical resident is hard.
Being the mother of three is hard.
Feeling somewhat alone at times is hard.
I've come to realize that it's not a bad thing to admit that something is hard for me. I used to feel guilty about saying something was hard. Somehow admitting difficulty was construed as whining. I know that there are so very many other truly hard things in life. There are people out there starving, and dying and in true pain so it seemed fruitless and selfish to admit to anyone, even myself that what I'm doing here is hard. I think that not letting myself admit to difficulty was adding stress to myself.
Then came a breaking point a few weeks ago. I felt like I was working and working and working and not making any headway towards any of my goals. And I felt so very alone. Then there were a few days of tears. Tears from everyone in the house (except for Dan because that's not how he reacts to stresses).
Today I read part of 1 Peter 1. Very abbreviated it says, "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which according to his abundant mercy hath begotten us again unto a lively hope by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead ...Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations: That the trial of your faith ... might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ."
To me that says that its OK to admit that something is hard for me. Just because other people have hard things they are going through doesn't make what I'm trying to do any easier for me. It also doesn't mean that I don't want to live the life that I've chosen. I love my life. I love God. I love my family. That doesn't change with the difficulty level I've been living through right now. But admitting it has strangely made it so very much easier to face each day.
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2 comments:
You can handle anything. I will always remember you marching down the trail at that Pioneer trek you didn't even want to go on. You had that angry bee look in your eye. You made me so proud that day that I almost shed a tear, and you know how difficult that is. You bless my life.
I remember my father when he had Parkinson disese and people would try to cheer him up by telling him about others that worse, he said "but this is me!. I think we all go through a time when things are hard for us, and you are right it is good to say it is HARD.
g-jane
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