Gratitude

So my grandma died. I was thinking of a way I could say that politely, but I've said passed away so many times in the past few days and it has sort of started to sound strange to my ears. Then again so does died.  At any rate she's gone and in a show of solidarity our dishwasher decided to pass away the very next morning.

Then yesterday I took Lee to his 15 month well child check (at 19 months, oops) and the doctor heard a murmur in his heart.  At first I wasn't concerned because Greg has an innocent murmur and I figured we've already gone through this before. It didn't sound quite right to be an innocent murmur though so he referred us to a pediatric cardiologist.  Lee and I went to that appointment this morning. The cardiologist listened and listened and listened to his heart from every angle on the body then said it didn't sound like a classic innocent murmur and I have to take him in for an echocardiogram. We are having that done this afternoon.  It is terrifying when an expert at children's hearts says that your son's heart doesn't sound right.

Right now I am in a fog of chaos. My house looks as if some giant hand came and flipped it upside down then let the papers and clothing and shoes and books fall like a snow globe wherever they wanted to and then let the dog roll around in it.  Right now that's ok with me because it looks like how the inside of my head feels. Despite that feeling I keep being amazed at how things keep turning out. So in order to document the tender mercies I seem to be receiving I thought that is what I will share today.

First, when Charlotte's friend came over this morning they decided to have a before school dance party in our front room. The music they chose is the new CD Charlotte got for being the friend at bring a friend to Awanas (sp?) night. They were rockin' out to the lyrics of don't worry about anything just pray about everything. Not our usual fare for a Wednesday morning, but it really touched me. I am so grateful to know that my daughter has good friends. Friends who think its good and fun to be good.

Also and in no particular order I was very grateful for the doctors we have worked with the past two days. Lee's family doctor is also a member of our church and the father of one of Greg's buddies. He is a wonderful and caring man and I am grateful for him. The cardiologist this morning is clearly used to working with kids. When he got in the room the first thing he did was make a toy for Lee out of a tongue depressor and a paper cup. He seems very kind and caring. I'm so grateful to know that if he does have a problem we are in the best place to deal with it.

I have been blow away by the support of the people who are surrounding me right now. I am going to be able to attend my grandma's funeral simply because I have friends willing to watch my children at odd and inconvenient times. They are so willing to help. As I was trying to get the schedule all put together it felt as though things just fell right in to place. I know I am inconveniencing people, but they all seemed so happy to help. I sort of feel their love surrounding me right now.

Also, my husband. He normally isn't around to be able to help. Not only does he miraculously not have to work all weekend long, but he has an unheard of Saturday afternoon off and uncluttered. Also, there is just something so great about having someone you can totally lose it with who will hold you as you cry. Who will then hold you some more when you are done and then after that will prop you back up and point you in the direction you need to go. His confidence in me inspires me to be more confident in myself. I feel we are almost invincible together.

Life is hard, but there is help surrounding me and I am grateful for all of it.


***update*** lee's tests came back normal. He has an innocent murmur. When the doctor told me that I was so relieved and then so exhausted. Crazy how much stress takes out of me.