We all have them

Last week was a complete failure.  Complete and total and horrible.  It seemed that everywhere I looked I found something I was lacking.  Somewhere that I had done wrong.  Places where my best just wasn't good enough. It was my best and it really just didn't cut it.

I'd like to think that we all have those days, weeks, months.  That I'm not alone in the failure. Where we wonder what went wrong.  Where even if we could figure that out we probably wouldn't be able to change the outcome.

By the end of the week all I wanted was to just sit and be still and stop worrying.  So that's what I did. I spent some time after the kids went to bed just sitting and not thinking.

I don't know if it solved any problems.  Actually it probably solved none and now my house is even more of a mess and I didn't practice for rehearsal and I have nothing planned for playgroup and what delicious dinner am I making for my kids to refuse to eat tomorrow.  I still have specific things I'm worried about with each of my kids. Things that I can't change because it is their choice.  Why does that choosing have to start so very young? 

At any rate in that moment of nothing I gave myself the freedom to stop worrying.  All those things were still there after my time of quiet, but oh the quiet.  The ability to just sit and be. I am not able to do that very often.  And by able I mean that not worrying isn't a natural part of me.  Worrying comes even when I try to stop it.  But for that moment I didn't worry.  And I loved it. 

It reminded me of a poem I found I my mom's papers once. It is a common poem and most people know it, but if not, here it is:

Desiderata by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.