This morning I found out some hard news about a really good friend of mine. We both got married the same year and right away she and her husband started trying to get pregnant. My husband and I weren't so ready right away, but I wished her well. When my husband and I were ready to start trying getting pregnant came pretty easily and quickly. She was so excited for us when I told her even though I was really nervous to tell her since I knew they'd been trying for a while. A couple weeks later she called and told me good news of her own! They were expecting and although things were pretty scary for them and the doctor was really concerned about the pregnancy the baby's heartbeat was loud and clear.
When I called her today she told me that on her last ultrasound (two days ago) the doctor couldn't find a heartbeat. Nothing. She said that yesterday her husband took off work and just stayed home with her while she was crying. She has a little pile of baby things (very similar to mine I'm sure) reminding her of what she just lost. When she told me I just started crying for her. I have no idea what it must be like, but I know that losing my baby was/is a big fear of mine. I spent an hour on the phone with her just crying and talking and doing my best to make her laugh or at least chuckle a little. All I wanted to do was sit down and cry with her and hug her and give her all the love I could because I know there's nothing I can do to help the situation. She asked all sorts of things about how my baby was doing and how my pregnancy was going but all the complaints I had seemed so selfish and trivial compaired to her's and all my little joys of my pregnancy seemed.....less so I guess.
I wish I knew what to say or something to do. All I could really do was cry right along with her. Maybe I could get her some little something to cheer her up. Any ideas would really help.
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2 comments:
My best friend had a miscarriage before having her two healthy children. Though disappointed, she was able to approach it from a science/ biology point of view... reasoning that this particular conception was not by God's design. It would not be a healthy child... And it was for the best.
Another friend just had a miscarriage - after her first child was about 10 months old. She too accepted it as... divine intervention ... for lack of a better phrase.
Now, I don't recommend saying that to her now... it'll hurt too much. But maybe at some point... she'll be able to view it as God's plan at work.
What is hard now... is the loss of the future she's been planning for. Acknowledge that for her.
The good news is... she is still excited for your future. Hers is coming... she just has to wait.
So sorry!
Well since I had a miscarriage in March 05, before I had my baby, I think I might be able to offer some suggestions.
Chances are, when she asks about your pregnancy...she doesn't really want to know. (Unless she's a masochist.) I know it's basically impossible, but try not to act all excited when you talk about being pregnant.
And I wouldn't worry too much about making her laugh. It might happen, or might not. But just be there, and let her guide the conversation, because she might want to talk about the miscarriage, or she might want to talk about the latest episode of Grey's Anatomy instead.
Don't say: Well, now you know you can get pregnant. Or: You'll get pregnant again soon. Those things just annoyed/hurt me because I was grieving for THIS baby, you know? I didn't want some other baby!
And pray for her. Like trs said, she will come to grips with this, but right now, she needs friends to be there for her!
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