I remember going swimming with my next door neighbor, Kim, when I was younger. She had these snorkeling goggles so we would take turns putting them on and swimming upside down on the bottom of the shallow end of the pool. It was so surreal looking up at people, the room and the lights through the top of the water. Eventually we got up our nerve and swam with them to the deep end of the pool, which I'm sure was around 5 feet, but since we couldn't touch it was deep. I remember looking up at the shallow end and thinking how silly I was when I thought the bottom of that was deep.

The past couple of days I've had that same feeling, only not been able to quite put it into words. That's why I haven't really been posting all that much. I've thought it through now so I figured I'd try to share it. This next part is going to sound really, really silly though. I feel that the pool I am swimming in is my love for those around me, and specifically my family. I was swimming around the bottom of the shallow end of the pool gazing around thinking I had this deep love. It seems that in the last months, and probably triggered by having my baby, I have finally ventured out into the deep end of the pool and my love for them is so, so much more. The funny thing is I don't really think it appears to be any more than it was a few short months ago. So here's what I've been thinking I want to say to my family.

Charlotte
I love you so much that every time I think about it tears just start coming. You are so, so amazing just because you are you. I think you are beautiful and strong and funny and smart, but I want you to know that's not why I love you. Even if you were none of those things I would still love you because you are my baby and you are amazing. I thank Heavenly Father everyday for the blessing it is to be your mom and I pray for the knowledge of the skills I need to meet your needs mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally. I feel that because of you I have become a stronger, milder, and more open minded person. I love you.

Daniel
I love you more than I can ever express to you. Sometimes I just burst inside to try and get that across to you. I can't imagine being any happier with my chosen partner on our path as husband and wife. You truly are smarter than the average bear and I am so, so, so proud to be the wife that stands next to you. I think you complement me so well--at times holding me up and at times being held up by me. You are smart and handsome and strong and truly gifted, but again, like Charlotte, that's not why I love you. I love you for just being you, and for letting me see all of you. There are somethings I want you to never stop doing because I cherish them so. I want you to never stop making up silly songs to sing to our children, I love hearing them from the other room as you sing them to Charlotte in the tub. I want you to never stop being, "funny, funny" even though sometimes I don't laugh right away. You always know how to make me laugh. I want you to never stop trying your best to make me feel protected and provided for. I love that about your masculinity. We had heard that the third year of marriage is a hard one, which may be true for some. We have also heard that the first year of medical school is a hard one, which may be true for others. I just want you to know that I am proud of what we are doing and I am loving you for your efforts more and more each day.

Daddy
I love you and I can't thank you enough for being my dad! I feel like I won in the daddy lottery! Thank you so, so much for being my dad and giving me so much of yourself! I am learning more and more each day how hard it is to raise children in a righteous way. It is hard, but you have also taught me that it is worth it and it has plenty of perks along the way. I am so sorry when I think about how hard on you I was when I was in high school. I just want you to know that I appreciate and value you as an amazing man and a wonderful father. You are strong, patient, smart, spiritual, and funny. That is not why I love you though. I love you because you loved me first. I know that you worry about me because I know I will never stop worrying about my baby. Thank you for your love and support.

Mom
I love you and I can't believe how shallow my love for you has been until now. Now that I understand what it means to have a mother's love. Now that I know what it's like to worry over every choice I make and my child makes. You worked so hard for Katie and me! And now I realize that your job is not over, even though both of us are out on our own. Being a mom is forever and I am so glad that you are mine. You have taught me so much about what that means and I am realizing more and more each day how carefully you treated your job. Nothing good happened in our home by accident. You and dad had plans for us and I thank you for that. I don't know if I have ever told you this before, but I was always so proud to have you come to my school when I was in elementary, to pick me up, to give a presentation at career day, to go to my performances. I just want you to know that 100% of the time I thought you were always the most beautiful mom there. You are beautiful, strong in mind and personality, humble, and spiritual. I love you mom!

Katie
I love you so much! You are my exemplar. Thank you so, so much for being there when I needed you. I know, and have always known, that I can turn to you for any help that I may need. I really do have the best sister in the whole world. You never acted too cool to be around me and I love you so much for that. I hope I can teach Charlotte to be the kind of big sister that you always have been for me. You are S-M-A-R-T! And you are also sincere and loving. Thank you for showing me yourself. I love you so, so much.

Garrett
To the newest member of my family I just want you to know that I love you so much! You have made my sister more happy than I have ever seen her before and I cherish that about you. I want you to know that I think you are amazing both in action and in word. I hope that my children will look to you as another shining example of what it means to be a good man in our society. Thank you for that, in advance. I love you.

Nathan and Jodi
I love you both so very much. You have taught me what it means to be a newlywed and be poor and be happy. The two of you are the first examples that I actually was aware of outside of myself. Thank you so, so much for that. You both are also my first examples of good and righteous people that weren't raised by my parents. You taught me that different ways of doing things are ok and that I need to figure out what I'm going to do as a parent. Thank you. I love you both and I love your girls!

LeAnn
I love you so much more now than I ever have before! I love you not only for being a wonderful mother to my husband and a great grandma to my baby, but also for being a great role model for me. It is such a comfort to personally know, someone that has done the exact same things I am doing right now. I love that you support Daniel and me so very much. I am very fortunate to have such a great mother-in-law. It feels so good to be understood about where I'm coming from. Thank you. I love you.

John
To the father of my husband, I love you. Thank you for teaching my husband what it means to be a good father. I think that many of the things he does in our family are because he saw you doing them for him. Thank you for teaching him to work hard and to be honest. Thank you also for your continued love and support for all three of us right now. We love you so much. I hope that my children will also look to you as an example of a good father, husband, leader, and man. I love you.

There are many more people I have been thinking about lately and many more that I love very much. This post is getting long though so maybe I'll just call them and let them know. My love for each of my family members and friends has deepened so very much in the past few months that it amazes me. I thank the Lord for each of you daily.