Note: I am so woefully behind on what's happening with us right now, I'm not even going to try to update everyone.
Having red hair has always been a big part of how I define myself. How I see it defining me has changed so very much over the years, but it has always been a big part of who I am. I remember always hearing, "Where did you get your red hair?" and I continue to get comments on it quite a bit. Even through the years where I wasn't so much in love with my hair color, I never once thought about changing it. I often wished it wasn't so curly/big/unmanageable, but never did I wish it weren't red. I sort of liked that it made me different and I attribute that wholly to my mother. I got enough positive reinforcement that I could lean on it when I wasn't so sure myself. I clearly remember my mother saying, "You can do whatever you want with your hair, but I'm not going to pay to fix it." Meaning if you died it and it went horribly wrong you'd just have to live with it. Now that I mostly know how to manage my hair I realize that any perceived problem I had with my hair was just a matter of figuring out how to work with what it wanted to do naturally. And it is naturally thick curly red hair.
My daughter doesn't have red hair. Not even in the slightest does she have red hair. Despite that fact she does have noteworthy hair. She has the most beautiful curls I have ever seen. She gets comments on her hair, similar to what I used to get, all the time. I love that she is always getting comments and complements on it (smart and stupid). What I don't so much love is this type of comment, "What beautiful curls your daughter has! I wish I had curls like that! You know she's going to hate them when she gets older though. (Said with a sigh)" In my mind I think Gee thanks stranger. Why would you plant the seeds of her not liking the way she looks right now? Charlotte has absolutely no reason to hate her curls. They're beautiful. That is unless she hears often enough about how she's going to hate them. She's only 2 and I'm already feeling like a guard against negative self imaging for my daughter. Isn't it a bit early to do that?
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3 comments:
Ugh. That's really too bad.
And thanks for sharing this, because I think I've said that to a few moms of curly haired girls... based on what I knew from girls I grew up with who fought their hair in their teen and adult years.
Thanks for showing me that I am planting seeds that I have no business planting!!
Will straighten up and fly right from now on.
My advice about something I know nothing about? Respond with, "Well, I've always loved my curly hair. Let's hope Charlotte knows they are an asset."
Make sure your daughter hears you say it. Often. Maybe that can over-ride the negative comments from others.
An aside, my cousin has one daughter... now grown up ... with thick, curly hair.
My cousin is such a faith-filled positive woman and has armed her kids with the same - I wasn't even surprised when I babysat overnight, and as she (the daughter) fought with her hair to get ready for school, (in like, second grade) in tears at all the snarls and tangles... she only said, "I just wish my hair weren't so.... challenging!"
I had to bite my tongue from laughing. A challenge is something to overcome - if you have the confidence to do so. A challenge, she can handle.
If only I had your or Charlotte's hair...sigh. I love your hair!
It's so scary that we have to be so aware of self image starting at such a young age. It's so important! And what a great gift to give to your daughter...a healthy and confident self image she can carry with her throughout her life. You're such a great mom!
You can't protect them from everything, it would be nice to be able to do so though.
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