If there was a problem then I solved it.

When Dan said, "I think I should try playing basketball twice a week this year instead of just once a week. I think that way I will really get enough of a workout in to maintain my fitness level," the other day I could have sworn my head exploded and blood came rushing out of my eyes. Apparently it didn't.

You see the problem I saw with this scenario don't you? You don't? Well, I was kinda mad that he got to work out two times each week without even worrying about what to do with Charlotte. He could just assume that I'd be fine with him being away from home. It never occurred to him that his exercise needs and my exercise needs both need to be met for optimum happiness in our home. Also, that we can't just leave our baby alone while going out.

Instead of addressing this issue like a rational mature person, I stewed. I stewed and I stewed and I stewed on this one until just the mention of basketball was going to send me over the edge. Then a miracle happened. One that probably saved my innocent, unknowing husband's life. A friend of mine that lives only blocks away complained that she can't ever exercise anymore with her little girl.

You don't think this is a miracle? Well, we came up with a plan. We borrowed some pilates DVDs from a friend and Charlotte and I go over to her house three days a week. The mommies exercise while the two girls play more or less successfully together. Now I get to exercise three times a week and I don't have to hurt my husband.

So I still don't get to go out running with Charlotte, but also I don't have to spend any money. Another great plus is that my friend and I both insist on exercising in the mornings so we don't have to get ready for the day twice. It's great.

When I told my darling husband about my new solution he was very happy for me, but was completely surprised that I even cared about how much basketball he did. I just had to laugh at the monumental argument we were having without him even being aware.

Something I already knew

Last Thursday was the breaking point with my relationship with my beautiful daughter (and also my loving husband truth be told). She was crabby, never wanted to eat anything I fixed, never wanted to go down for naps (and woke up 45 stinking minutes later!), was only happy when I was currently holding her, and yet everything I did while holding her was wrong. I thought I just needed a break from being around her. I thought my husband wasn't helping me enough (which he totally was as it turns out). I thought we are going to have to make drastic changes in our home here. I thought, "We are NEVER going to have another one of these EVER again!" It was at that point I learned something that I already knew and should have been doing, but had let slip. What is this magical piece of wisdom?

A routine.

So simple. So beautiful. So scary. I don't know why I thought that doing things whenever it pleased me or on her whim would actually make for a fun time for anyone. It's hard to decide on a routine when you've stopped being on one for, oh, almost a month. Did my child take one nap or two? Does she still like to have four mini meals a day? I had no idea. And what about working on the house? How was I supposed to get anything done? Let's be honest here, every time I try going over there within 15 minutes Charlotte needs my attention and then I'm no longer of any use to anyone. That's probably not going to change.

In the past I would watch her closely for a few days and then formulate a schedule around what she was already doing. I had been so out of touch with her that I had no idea what she was doing. So instead I just decided what to do when. Arbitrary hours, activities and mealtimes. We'd put it into effect and then make changes as needed. I made her schedule fit around what I wanted to get done. This seems silly to admit it out loud, but I was so nervous about this. I was just waiting to crash and burn. I was changing so many things from when I could last remember we actually had a schedule.

Saturday came and Daniel and I implemented the schedule and surprise, surprise (or really no surprise at all) that day went so smoothly. So did Sunday. Not only has this helped my little darling, but it has also helped Daniel and me. He knows that if he wants to have a lunched fixed for him he needs to be at home at lunchtime. I'm only making lunch once. Same goes for breakfast and dinner. We get to sit down and eat together and I'm totally loving it. After dinner we get to divide the chores of dishes or getting the baby started on her bedtime routine. (We switch off on those two.) Charlotte eats so much better when there are people eating with her and when she's had enough time to get hungry. For a while there she would just go to the pantry and find something (usually crackers or cheerios) and just snack on it all afternoon. No wonder she never wanted any dinner. Also she naps. Glorious 2-3 hour naps in which she wakes up happy.

What I was really surprised at was the ease with which this new schedule went into place and the complete success we were met with. Daniel's happier, I'm happier, Charlotte's happier. Welcome back to sanity little family!

Red Hot

So the common idea about red heads is that they also have a red hot temper. Do I believe this? I don't know. Is it right about me? Again, the jury is still out. I'd like to think that it isn't the case. I'd like to think that I'm a fairly mellow person. Then something comes along to disturb my calm. It is then that I am confronted with what I will do.

I've learned that even though I may feel unable to control my anger, I can completely control my actions and words. Past experience has displayed in detail the shattering consequences my angry words can create. It is much harder to pick up the pieces of a negative situation gone much worse thanks to me, than it is to just let the dust settle and look at the picture as a whole.

My mom always told me to ask myself, "What do I want the result to be from this action or these words?" I know I'm angry when the answer to that is to just zing the other person. In the end that doesn't get me anywhere near where I'd like to be in any situation.

That's the little lecture I give to myself whenever I feel myself wanting to respond to anyone in anger. I may end up saying the exact same thing to them later I may decide to say something completely different or even nothing at all. But, when I do it with a level head I get much better results 100% of the time.

Which makes me curious, do most people consider themselves level headed? Do most people I know consider me level headed? (Please don't answer that one. It would be embarrassing either way you answered.) Does my pep talk make me have less of a temper or merely help me to control the temper that I do have? What are some other things people tell themselves to keep from saying things they'll regret?

A Good Friend

I always hear, "If you want to have a good friend then you need to be a good friend." I have found that to be true more and more as I'm experiencing life. Mostly I realize that if I want to have social interaction I need to invite, I need to contact, and I need to go out of my way to meet with people. Most people don't really want to be the ones to do that. To be honest, I don't really want to be the one to do it either. In a perfect (read lazy) world everyone would call me up and invite me over. Turns out that would be pretty lame for everyone else.

Confession: I'm super slow at making friends. I feel like I've started my little group of close friends since we moved here. I have a few that I feel comfortable just calling up and asking what they're doing, but, honestly not many. Don't misunderstand, I love my little circle of close friends. And I'm super happy to know that they're there, but more to the point the women I feel closest to are the ones that really truly did call me up! My friend Mindy is awesome at this. Totally 100% awesome at being there for people. She has tons of friends. Perhaps I should be more like her. More giving, more willing to reach out. I decided this past week that I need to go beyond my comfort zone. Events at our last med wives lady's night were sort of.....illuminating as to my situation here. Really most of the women that I meet are pretty much in my same position. They are wives and they've moved away from their family and old support system. They need a new one just as much as I do. But in the back of my mind I'm thinking to myself, "But really, do they? Haven't most of them already found close friends? Would they really like it if I called and invited them over just to play scrabble? They're probably too busy."

If I want to be a good friend I have to go out of my comfort zone. Who really wants to do that? I sure don't. But what I don't want even more is to feel like there's nobody I could call just to say, "I have to escape my house! Can I come over there for a while?" Currently it would take a whole lot of courage to do that. No, not courage. Just a comfort level that I don't yet have. Comfortable knowing that the impostion I would have on the other person would be overlooked. I'd also really, really like to have a friend that would feel comfortable doing that with me. Come, invite yourself over. I'll make room. I'd love it. I promise.

Blowing It

My spending money philosophy makes me feel like a tiny mouse that searches and stores up all the seeds it finds all summer. Then went I feel like I have enough I will spend it all at once. I've been saving since before Christmas. Yesterday I decided it was time to let the money flow. Those few days of guilt free spending are such a delight I will be saving for months in order to have them. Today I went shopping with two friends and I purchased:
These jeans (from gap) are super cute, but no I can't bring myself to wear high heels with jeans. My jeans are for comfort, not dress up.

These pants (also gap) are so cute and perfect for summer! They were the first ones I tried on and they fit perfectly! None of the other white pants I even tried on fit me right. In an unexpected turn of events I'm back down to my pre-baby pant size! I don't really feel like I'm back to my pre baby pant size, but the numbers don't lie. I kept picking out a size bigger for myself, but then they didn't fit and I had to go down a size.

So I still have money to spend after that! I'm thinking of getting new undershirts from Shade clothing and perhaps a new spring dress. I love when it comes time to blow my spending money! It feels good to get something for myself without worry about bills, my daughter, or, well, food. After today I'll be back to my regular thriftiness, but today felt oh so good.

My Sanity

So yesterday I was really questioning my sanity. I think my husband was questioning it too because he kept giving me lots of hugs. He's so cute when he thinks something's wrong and there's nothing he can do to fix it. I decided that the issue is that I've slackened on my goals. Remember the goals that I wrote down a while back? Physical Activity, making the bed, learning new things, regular scripture study. Well, since we moved I pretty much let them go to the wind. Last night as I went to bed I just felt awful. I just wanted to cry. This morning when I woke up I decided that I should jump start back onto those goals again. I know my life is hectic and nothing is in any sort of schedule, but doing those things will make me feel better.

I also decided that I need to talk to an adult other than my husband. I love him, but when he comes home for the day he's spent! He works so hard at school and talks so much and is concentrating so hard, and still has more studying to do that he doesn't have a whole lot left to give. I totally understand that and I also appreciate that he does make an effort. He talks all during dinner about my day and his day and what we want to do about certain things and it's great. The problem comes in that out of 24 hours I spend 7 hours sleeping (sort of), 15-16 hours conversing with a baby that can't talk, and 1 maybe 2 hours with an adult. I decided I need more.

That is why this morning I walked for about an hour, and had Tammy over with her two kids to play. It was SOOOOO GOOOOOOD! Plus, I think Charlotte was happier having stuff to do with Madeline, Tammy's baby girl. Anyway, we're much happier today.