Teaching a Pig to Sing

My dad likes to "discuss" issues in life. His discussions have two scenarios.
1) He already has his mind made up. You have come to a different opinion than he has. He thinks that if he repeats the facts of the situation to you again, you will suddenly say, "Oh you are right! How could I come to that stupid opinion?"
2) He doesn't really have an opinion on the subject being "discussed" at all and just dances around you trying to make you worked up.
Either of these scenarios ends up making one or both of the people involved upset.

My grandpa does the exact same thing.

It is for this reason I learned early on about "dicussions." My mom always says (and recently said this to me again), "You can't teach a pig to sing and if you try it'll just make the pig annoyed and you frustrated." This is my feeling on "discussions." If you have an opinion that you've come to after having looked at the facts that's great. I can have looked at the EXACT SAME set of facts and come to a completely different conclusion. That doesn't mean that one opinion is right and the other is wrong. It is based on the different experiences people have in their lives and the different perceptions they have on those experiences.

I have no problem with discussions where the aim is just to see what the other person thinks. In fact I think that this is one of my favorite pass times. I once told one of my very good friends when I first met him that my hobby/pass time is just to talk. He later admitted to me that when he first heard this that he thought it was stupid, but now he realizes that I just like to hear different ideas. I think it makes life interesting that people come to different opinions after having reviewed the same set of data. Learning about something from a different perspective is like exploring. I love it.

What I don't like, however, is someone that thinks they are doing this, but in actuallity is trying to test me or change my opinion. I would say that in general I have thought a lot about my opinions. I like to think about things and test them out before I form an opinion on them. Opinions are just that. An opinion can't be right; it can't be wrong. I can't always tell when someone is trying to do this until I am in the conversation. Sometimes it comes in subtley when the person just tries to keep telling me the same things over and over or when they try and convince me of their correctness (again an opinion isn't right or wrong). Other times it is blatant when someone says to me, "well you're wrong."

I have encountered a few people in my life that like to debate topics. This can be ok if one or both of the people involved is willing to change their stance on an issue. In my life experience, this rarely happens. I have seen most people's debates be rather similar to my father's type number 1 discussions. I find this to be a pointless exercise. The other person has made up his mind and I have made up my mind so trying to change opinions or go over facts again doesn't teach me anything and it doesn't teach them anything and it ends up frustrating one or the other of us. That is something I will never understand.

My shortcoming in this area is that I get very worked up when I get into this situation. I can feel myself getting worked up and so then I just have to close my mouth and say to myself, "well, this is something I'm just not going to do with this person again." I think that a lot of times it would be better if people in general (myself included) could just take a second and ask themselves, "What do I want to get out of what I'm saying right now?" or "What's the purpose of this conversation?" I think a lot of unnecessary words would be taken away.

Next time you're talking to someone just take a second and ask yourself, "Am I trying to teach a pig to sing?" (Not that the people you talk to are pigs, but you get the picture.)