Moving On

I packed up some of my stuff to move out of my apartment today. As I was doing this I thought of a couple of things. Physically moving isn't all that hard. You pick up your stuff and move--you know when you get there and you can clearly see where you were from and how you got to the new place. It may be hard to move, but it's cut and dry. There, you're done! The only hard thing about physically moving is moving your heart. By that I mean everything that is so close to your heart.

It finally hit me today that I'm really moving on. What a mixed blessing! On the one hand I absolutely love the man I'm going to marry. He means more to me than I had ever thought another person could. On the other hand, I love everyone here. I have this horrible feeling in my heart. It was like the end of freshman year when I realized that I would probably never see the people that had made their way into my heart again, or if I did it would never be the same. Last year wasn't as hard because I knew I would see the people I loved again. Tonight it is even worse than it was then. The reason is that I love the people close to me more than I have ever before. The thought of leaving them and things never being the same scares me so much. I have this sense of loss about something and I can't even put my finger on it. My head knows things will be alright-it really does. Tonight things are a little hard is all.

On top of that something happened today that made me realize I am not even the same person I was at the beginning of the year. Something so seemingly insignificant happened that at the beginning of the year would have devistated me, but today didn't bother me at all. I was shocked! I kinda missed my old attachment, but I'm also relieved that I'm not attached. I could look back and clearly know that I was different. Also that the accumulation of small choices each day had brought me to such a different place. I don't know if this post made sense to anyone but me. Sorry it wasn't funny.