Oh The Worries

Last week I hurt my neck. Just like I hurt my neck at my cousin's wedding right after Charlotte was born. Turns out I hold my babies exactly the same way every time I pick them up and over time my neck gets hurt. That, and I tend to tense my muscles more than necessary. So when this happened I dug through the medicine shelf and found the muscle relaxer my OBGYN gave me last time this happened. After consulting my physician (Dan) I took one. It was supposed to last 6 hours.

It didn't.

I was out of it for a good 24 hours. It was rough. Try as I might my body was moving in slow motion. Not something I want to do again soon. Then again I don't want my neck to go into muscle spasms anytime soon either.

After the 24 hours was over though I realized that I felt Great. All my muscles were relaxed and my body suddenly wasn't revolting on me causing me pain. And that's when it hit me.

I'm a worrier and those worries have been building up for a while. What's funny is that mostly I don't really feel worried. It was only when I was forced to take a step back from the day to day grind that I realized I need to start doing something about it.

So my solution, instead of living on muscle relaxers which sounds a bit like torture to me, is to figure out my worries and stresses and find constructive ways to deal with them. As it turns out though, being a mom means you have worries and stresses. They come with the job title. I watched a Gerber commercial a few days after this incident that perfectly shows the messages moms receive every day. It talked about how what kids eat from birth to five changes their bodies for their entire life. Oh great! Let your kid eat a cookie now and they'll never live a long, healthy life. You better watch all their bites or you may ruin them! Now if that's not stress I don't know what is. Trivial, and yet not.

Oh! And add on top of the stresses and worries of motherhood the stresses and worries of being poor which we are. And you know what? There are some perks to being poor (hi WIC and Medicaid), but that doesn't take away all the stresses there are as well (hi WIC and Medicaid). Plus, our particular brand of poor (medical school) has it's own healthy serving of worry.

When I was in high school I would literally be unable to sleep because I was too stressed and worried about things. I'm fairly certain my parents seriously considered sending me to therapy. Though it never came to that. Now I think to myself, what on earth did I have to be worried about?

Please don't misunderstand me. This isn't complaining. I love my stresses, and my reasons to worry. I love my family and kids, I love my husband's efforts to an excellent career, and in a way, I also love being poor. It has ripped from me so very much of the pride I never knew I had. I am amazed at the things I will do because I love my kids. I just need to also allow myself to face the fact that these choices we've made, these things we are trying to do and accomplish, they're hard. If I don't I might just end up a cripple in need of a very long nap.

I also would like to acknowledge that many, many beautiful and wonderful women and mothers are much more able to handle their stress and worries, which are so very unique to each person. So the question I have is, what do you do with your stress? How do you identify it and manage it? One solution I am trying to implement is a spiritual one. I am trying to remember the importance of Alma 37:36-37

"Yea, and cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever.
"Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God"

I think that, along with drinking more water and eating less crap are good first steps.