When it Goes Terribly Wrong

Sometimes I worry about stupid things. I know they're stupid and yet I get myself worried about them. I think I'm going to blame my dad because he's also an habitual worrier. You'd never know that he is, but trust me when I tell you. He worries a lot. Then again so does my mom. If you don't call as soon as the plane lands to let them know you're safe, they think the plane has most likely crashed and you are now struggling for life outside waiting for the rescue team to figure out how to get huge chunks of airplane off of you. In my family headaches could also mean brain tumors. I didn't know this was unique to my family until I met Dan and his family of non worriers. "Yeah, that happens sometimes" has got to be his family's mantra. Needless to say that my worries often completely confuse Dan. Usually Dan isn't around so by the time I see him again I have peaked the bell curve of worry and I'm on the downward swing. At that point there's no need to even bring it up to him. I think that is one blessing of him becoming a doctor. He's saved from most of this particular oddity of mine.

This last month though he has been around. And so he's been served a healthy dose of my worry about things that can not possibly be changed, (Do I really have to go through labor in order to get this kid? If I died today what would you name our baby? Name him! Name him now!) things that we are working on fixing, (what if the dampness comes back into the basement even though we've fixed the perceived problem?) and things that are so totally mundane even I can't believe I'm worried (what are we going to do for breakfast when we're at your parents' house?)

Usually I don't think he minds so much. Sometimes though, I bet it bothers him. Last night, after worrying for a few days over some things they sort of spilled out of my mouth at 11:30 at night. Not only that, I started talking in the middle of my thought process instead of at the beginning. As it turns out when it's 11:30 at night, and you are 31 weeks pregnant, and you're worrying about things that haven't even happened yet, it might be hard for your husband to understand you. All I was needing was a little bit of, "I see how that might worry you, but you don't need to because I'll be there and I can help." Probably that's what I should have told him. Instead I just kept talking and talking and talking and getting myself totally worked up. I knew I was going about the whole thing terribly wrong, but I just couldn't stop myself. That was until he finally said, "I am so confused." And then I cried.

And in the end I was finally able to tell him what I should have said in the first place. Then I apologized for being totally insane. Then he did exactly what we both should have done in the first place. He hugged me and kissed me and told me he loved me and then he went to sleep. Next time friends, next time that's what I'm going to try doing.

Dear Pinkalicious

Thanks for planting the idea in my daughter's head that there are such thing as pink ice skates. I was thinking of investing in ice skates for her because she would enjoy it so much. Now she's hoping for either pink or purple sparkly ice skates. Great.

T words

A few weeks back we talked at home about paying tithing.

Then tithing was mentioned in Charlotte's primary lesson.

Then today she says, "I don't have to pay my taxes do I?"

I think she meant tithing.

The Last Two Days

I think all doctor's offices should use kilograms. Up until yesterday I had no idea how much I weighed or how much weight I had gained. Since the only thing my doctor ever said was that I was "right on" I didn't even bother asking what that meant. Then I had to get my weight measured at a different office and they use pounds. Now I know and you can't go back to not knowing. I'm sure I'm still "right on" because that's what the lady said, it's just that "right on" during pregnancy is actually really a lot heavier than a person typically thinks for themselves as "right on."

In fact, now that I'm 30 weeks my body seems to be finally feeling the weight. I move slower. I'm more tired. I don't sleep as well. The next time anyone says anything about how things are going to go after I have the baby ("sleep now, while you still can") I think I might punch them in the face. If I could think of a witty and graceful remark I would say it, but honestly I'm too tired. One amazing thing about this pregnancy that I didn't have before is our huge jetted bathtub.

Yesterday was Dan's big 30th birthday. In honor of the day he spent the entire thing working. I planned lots of activities for the kids and I to do, including bedtime stories at the library. A very nice co-worker told him that he'd take the late late shift for his birthday so he came home in time to go to the story time with us. As a special birthday present to him I told him to stay home by himself and took the kids with me. Nothing says happy birthday like your family leaving you alone. I think he liked having a bit of time alone though because when I got back he had taken a bath in the big jetted bathtub. I told you that thing is great.

We did have his birthday breakfast this morning. The kids each presented him with scrap books of family photos that they had made themselves and he also got a nice new shirt and lovely coffee table book to open. All the cards had arrived earlier in the week and he opened them as they came to the house. Then, to celebrate his special day, he spent the rest of the morning tearing carpet out of the basement and being completely puzzled as to what is happening down there. How does the carpet get wet if the pad underneath is dry? Or did the pad get wet and then dry faster than the carpet? Where is that awful smell coming from? How much money are we going to end up paying to fix whatever problem we have? Happy Birthday honey! We love you!

Time to Share

Charlotte's at preschool and Greg and Dan are napping. The house is so quiet so I thought I'd sit down and write a few things I've been wanting to share. First, Charlotte got her hair cut. Greg got his cut over Christmas with Grandpa and the experience made her want to get hers cut. (She wanted to go to the barbershop, but we found a nice place in the mall that gives a discount for resident doctors. She got a sucker at the end so I think she thought it was just as good.) Daddy is sad to see the length gone, but Charlotte is thrilled that she doesn't have to sit through de-tangling so much. Here's an after shot of her hair.

And because he looks so stinking cute with chocolate pudding on his face here's Greg with his new big boy haircut. Mommy is still pining away for the curls, but Greg is thrilled that he almost never has to get his hair combed.
Katie said she needed a shot of my growing proportions so here it is. Taken last week so at 28 weeks. Can you believe that I still have to get bigger before I'm done? I sort of can't. Also, my belly button is decidedly off center at this point. Who knew my babies like to grow on my right side.

Remember how Greg wouldn't wear a coat? Every time we had to leave the house it was a battle of wills that he was quite frankly winning. Grandma got him a new bigger coat and with one monumental battle I won the coat fight. Who knew that once I won the coat fight I would also win the snow pants fight and the mitten fight? He also realized that if you zip the coat all the way to the top it can cover half your face from the freezing wind. Here are the kids dressed for sledding in our backyard a few days back. We took Charlotte's new sled that Grandpa made her out for it's inaugural run. That thing is pretty zippy and when you hook Percie's leash around the bar she will pull it up the hill for you. Charlotte thought that was a great system to use.

I'm feeling pretty great about the pregnancy so far. The little guy is a healthy mover. He kicks even more than Charlotte did. He never stops moving. Ever. Which is weird after Greg who was not really a mover at all. I wonder how that will translate into his personality later on. I feel like I have been blessed with reasonable children thus far. Then again, I'm sure I'll love him no matter what. At night when I wake up to go to the bathroom I will lay back down and try to sleep, but I must have samba music playing in my stomach because he is just so active.

I'm starting to feel the urge and desire to get things set up for our little guy. Mostly I just wish we had a name. I don't know why it seems so much harder this time around than last, but it 100% is. The kids have even started throwing out names at the breakfast table for us to talk about. Their ideas can be pretty amusing sometimes, but they also have come up with some pretty good ideas. Also, I want to have the kids' bedroom painted, but that probably wont happen because I am again fairly uninspired at the moment.

You know what I do find inspiring, watching Dan build those bunk beds. He was going to place the hand holds even and symmetric along the foot of the bed because he's a perfect example of his family's tendency to do just that sort of thing. Then he decided that it might look more fun (and I thought it might be a bit easier) to have them be random. He couldn't bring himself to put them at random so he brought Charlotte out to the garage and had her place then. They look great. Charlotte pointed out that the shape of the cut-outs looks like jelly beans and as soon as she said that I saw it too. Now I silently call it the jelly bean bed to myself. I'm sure once all the pieces are put together it'll look great.

Boys Can Like It Too

The kids were bored this weekend so I had them each start making Valentine's Cards. Since they love to make cards, but can only concentrate for one card at a time, so that's what we're doing. They get to pick one person a day and make a card for them.

Charlotte's cards are turning out wonderfully Valentine-y. They are all pink and red and purple and have hearts and glitter, and princesses and castles. Be warned, if you get a card from us, it will probably include glitter. (You might want to open it outside the house.) Then again, if the definition of a Valentine's Day card is that it has a lot of love in it, I would say that Greg's are turning out incredibly Valentine-y too. Though some do include glitter, they are all blue and green and orange and they also include snakes and brown "rainbows" and "guns that shoot things." What would say I love you more than a picture of a gun? Hopefully by Valentine's Day we will have a pile of cards to be sent out.

Christmas Present from G-Grandma/pa

Today was Charlotte's second day of ice skating lessons and she seems to be loving it. It is really fun to go watch her tackle something that is completely new to her without being too scared to try. She does get a bit nervous as I'm lacing up the rental skates though. Hopefully she has found some activity that she likes to do (unlike soccer which she hated doing).

Funnies From Greg

A few quick things Greg has said lately that made me chuckle.

Christmas morning Greg caught on to the gift giving idea and how everyone was so happy when someone else got them something. About half way through after every gift was opened he said, "I got that for you."

He has decided that his favorite person right now is Uncle Garrett. As an extension of, "I got that for you." He has also decided that Uncle Garrett has given him just about everything he owns and much of what Charlotte seems to get. "Uncle Garrett got this for me." Is pretty common. Then we have to say, "No, Grandma got this for you." Or something like that.

During Thanksgiving Greg discovered he liked pumpkin pie. He also likes the whipped cream on top. He however couldn't remember the name whipped cream so he substituted a name that was more recognizable for him. He really likes his pie topped with Cream of Wheat.

And lastly yesterday Dan was home working on the bunk beds. Greg was his little helper and while the help was taking place so was an enlightening conversation. Greg asked about Mom and Dad being married. Dan told him that indeed we were married and that someday he would be able to meet a girl and get married too. Greg said, "Hmm... to Avery?" That's a little friend of his.

Bunk Beds

Remember when I decided that our kids needed bunk beds upstairs? (Charlotte doesn't really want to be sleeping downstairs by herself right now and both kids actually sleep better when they're in the same room.) And that I thought Dan would be able to make nicer bunk beds than we could find for either the same price or cheaper? And that I wanted him to have them done NOW? Then I told him about it and he said, "Umm....no." We looked around for a while and didn't like anything we saw.

Well, now that Dan has finished his orthopedics rotation he has decided, "I could make nice bunk beds that we like for about the same price or cheaper." Doesn't that sound familiar. I'm thrilled. Also? I'm excited about the plan that he's decided to make and I think the kids will love it.

The only problem with the whole situation is how to decorate it. Greg loves airplanes and cars (I was thinking those art deco/retro airplane and car prints) and Charlotte loves pink and princesses (how does someone do that sort of thing in a subtle way) and then we'll have a baby boy on top of that. Do I try to put all ideas in there? Do I just ignore Charlotte because someday she'll be sleeping in the basement? Or do I just do nothing? Knowing me it'll probably be that last option.

At least we're going to have an awesome bunk bed.

Thoughts I Wanted to Record

To my Little Ones,

Did you know that I love you so much? Do you know that? I sure hope so because sometimes I love you so much I can't believe it doesn't just physically burst forth from me. That feeling that I get in the morning when you come shuffling into my room never ceases to amaze me. I never used to be good at waking up before, but I never had you to wake up to. I may be tired, but I always love your sometimes quiet sometimes wiggly bodies laying next to me in the bed. I know the day will come when I wont get to have that anymore and I can't even think about that right now because I love it too much.

I love your kisses. Right on the lips with the tightest squeeze you could give me that just barely seems like you're holding on. I love that I get to pick you up and hug you and that we get to cuddle on the sofa. It gladdens my heart to know that you are enjoying the moment just as much as me. I am so lucky to have kids that like that sort of thing. One day that will be different, but for today I will love it just as I love you.

Charlotte, you are such a beautiful and intelligent little girl. I love everything that is feminine about you and I think they are some of your most amazing strengths. I see how much you love those around you, even your little brother who picks at you. You are my first and the engine of our little train as we find our way along. Thank you for that. I love when I check in on you before I go to bed and I see you sleeping away in the room that was meant to be your brother's alone. You wanted to stay upstairs with everyone else and I love that about you. One day, I'm sure you're going to want your own space. You will long for more, you will want that bedroom in the basement, away from everyone else. For now though, I will support you in your desire to stay upstairs. I will put three kids in one room and leave the other one empty if it means that my kids get to love each other even more. Thank you for teaching me that.

Greg, you are such an amazing and brilliant light in our family. I can't look at you and think anything but how handsome you are. You are such a masculine little boy, which is new for me. I was never around little boys much growing up so every time you discover something boyish that delights you I discover it too. Because of you I've learned to love cars, and monster trucks, and balls, and rockets, and paper towel roll telescopes. I think my life with you will always be filled with new discoveries about what it means to be a little boy, a young man, and an adult male. I find it enlightening to discover the world through your eyes. One thing though, please, in your love of fast and loud and adventurous, try to also not kill yourself.

And my third little one. I'm sorry we can't seem to name you yet. Maybe we just need to see you first. I can't wait to see you. I'm so excited that you will be with us soon. Though your older brother wasn't much of a mover inside me, you seem to be taking after Charlotte because you move most of the day and almost all of the night. Your kicks seem to serve as an ever present reminder that you are indeed with our family now. I can't wait discover how you interact with our family, where your pieces fit into our family picture. You will, I'm sure make your own mark on everyone. You've already made your mark on my heart. This time around I love you with confidence. I had no idea what to expect with Charlotte. I worried about how I could possibly love Greg as much as the first. This time around though I KNOW I will love you with all that I have.

Thank you to all of you for the wonderful privilege it is to be your mother. You amaze me.
Love,
Mom

Christmas Presents

Highlights and unexpected delights from Christmas presents that I can remember right now:

1. Uncle Garrett and Aunt Katie got Greg a Junior Stomp Rocket. I kept it in the box thinking it would be a great spring/summer toy for outside. Well, today we ran out of activities so I opened the box. As I write this I can hear the thud, scream, run run run of Greg delightedly stomping that rocket into the air inside the house upstairs. Instead of pointing it up we pointed it to the side and he LOVES it.

2. Santa (aka my parents) gave Charlotte a reproduction Chatty Cathy for Christmas. I was nervous about this toy since up until now Charlotte has paid minimal attention to any doll we've given her. Now that she's four and a half though she has realized that she can change her dolls clothing by herself. This opened up a whole new world of play for her. If it's quiet and she's nowhere to be seen I can just peak into her room and see her changing her doll or doing her doll's hair or putting her doll down for a nap.

3. Speaking of dolls, Dan's parents gave Charlotte a new snow suit for her baby doll and an infant carrier for it. With the resurgence of interest in changing and playing with dolls this one has once again become a beloved member of Charlotte's "family." We had to take her in her car seat with us on all of our errands the other day.

4. Lego duplo is awesome for both of my kids. Greg loves the Lego Lightening and Charlotte loves to make houses. It works for both of them to play with together.

5. I mentioned Greg's new fascination with monster trucks. This started because my mom got him a new monster truck book. He loves that book. He carries it around with him.

6. Zingo is a fun family game that even Greg can play. Charlotte always suggests we play that when she's bored and it's great because even though Greg probably wont win anytime soon, he's already getting better at recognizing matches. Charlotte however plays that game cut throat style so don't cross her.

There have been so very many more delights and surprises with our presents this year, but I can't remember them right now. Plus, the stomping upstairs has stopped and it's eerily quiet. I need to go up and investigate before something of mine is broken. We are so grateful for all the gifts that we got this Christmas.

What A Difference!

I was at the end of my rope.

Dan finished his three month orthopedics rotation December 30th and started working in the surgical ICU. That was one particularly intense rotation that took just about everything he had in him. Even though he loved what he was doing and I could tell he was completely satisfied with his work, I was happy to see that rotation end. His first two shifts in the ICU included an unusually long day and then a night shift. When he came home Monday morning he was walking around in a daze. I missed him terribly.

I expected him to pass out and be gone for all of Monday. That's not what happened. He stayed up and indulged his little boy in some watching of monster truck clips on youtube (a new favorite of his) and generally took it easy. He did take a nap in front of the TV "watching" football, but once he fell asleep I turned on RIO and let the kids watch it. It was really funny because, even though Daddy was asleep and they sat in their little chairs on the floor they were excited to be watching RIO with him.

He went to bed a 9pm Monday and didn't get up until almost 10am Tuesday, but what a great day! He moved all the Christmas decoration boxes back up to the attic and took down the outside lights and did puzzles with Charlotte and played cars with Greg and was actually awake, aware, and interactive with all of us. It felt like I'd been swimming under water and I was almost out of breath and then yesterday I was able to break the surface and take some super huge breaths of fresh air.

Yesterday made me cautiously optimistic about the month of January.