Thoughts I Wanted to Record

To my Little Ones,

Did you know that I love you so much? Do you know that? I sure hope so because sometimes I love you so much I can't believe it doesn't just physically burst forth from me. That feeling that I get in the morning when you come shuffling into my room never ceases to amaze me. I never used to be good at waking up before, but I never had you to wake up to. I may be tired, but I always love your sometimes quiet sometimes wiggly bodies laying next to me in the bed. I know the day will come when I wont get to have that anymore and I can't even think about that right now because I love it too much.

I love your kisses. Right on the lips with the tightest squeeze you could give me that just barely seems like you're holding on. I love that I get to pick you up and hug you and that we get to cuddle on the sofa. It gladdens my heart to know that you are enjoying the moment just as much as me. I am so lucky to have kids that like that sort of thing. One day that will be different, but for today I will love it just as I love you.

Charlotte, you are such a beautiful and intelligent little girl. I love everything that is feminine about you and I think they are some of your most amazing strengths. I see how much you love those around you, even your little brother who picks at you. You are my first and the engine of our little train as we find our way along. Thank you for that. I love when I check in on you before I go to bed and I see you sleeping away in the room that was meant to be your brother's alone. You wanted to stay upstairs with everyone else and I love that about you. One day, I'm sure you're going to want your own space. You will long for more, you will want that bedroom in the basement, away from everyone else. For now though, I will support you in your desire to stay upstairs. I will put three kids in one room and leave the other one empty if it means that my kids get to love each other even more. Thank you for teaching me that.

Greg, you are such an amazing and brilliant light in our family. I can't look at you and think anything but how handsome you are. You are such a masculine little boy, which is new for me. I was never around little boys much growing up so every time you discover something boyish that delights you I discover it too. Because of you I've learned to love cars, and monster trucks, and balls, and rockets, and paper towel roll telescopes. I think my life with you will always be filled with new discoveries about what it means to be a little boy, a young man, and an adult male. I find it enlightening to discover the world through your eyes. One thing though, please, in your love of fast and loud and adventurous, try to also not kill yourself.

And my third little one. I'm sorry we can't seem to name you yet. Maybe we just need to see you first. I can't wait to see you. I'm so excited that you will be with us soon. Though your older brother wasn't much of a mover inside me, you seem to be taking after Charlotte because you move most of the day and almost all of the night. Your kicks seem to serve as an ever present reminder that you are indeed with our family now. I can't wait discover how you interact with our family, where your pieces fit into our family picture. You will, I'm sure make your own mark on everyone. You've already made your mark on my heart. This time around I love you with confidence. I had no idea what to expect with Charlotte. I worried about how I could possibly love Greg as much as the first. This time around though I KNOW I will love you with all that I have.

Thank you to all of you for the wonderful privilege it is to be your mother. You amaze me.
Love,
Mom