Unexpected Reaction

This week was apparently a non-fiction week for my kids at the library.  When we came in Greg decided he wanted some books on astronomy. Then Charlotte told me she wanted a book on Machu Pichu.  While Charlotte and I were trying to find an age appropriate book for her Greg came up to me wanting a book about 9/11.  I told you, non-fiction day.

Friday was a beautifully sunny day and the perfect time to bring back out the outside blanket for outside story time.  We were making our way through the books and then came along to the book about 9/11.

The book really had way too many words for the kids.  A bit over their heads, but I read through the first page that summarized what happened that day.  Then I just ready the photo captions.  To my complete and total shock I started crying when I read about it.  The kids were confused as to why I could possibly be crying and I didn't know how to articulate it.  I simply told them because something sad happened. Then I pulled it together and finished the book.  I don't think the kids will be having me read it again anytime soon.

I haven't really thought about that day in I'd say a decade maybe? I remember only parts of it.  Only emotions really.  I remember getting to school for my class that started an hour before the rest of the school and turning to the TV and watching explosions and smoke.  I remember shock and sadness, but mostly I remember being wholly confused at initial reactions around me.  Through the day our teachers led us in talking about it and I heard so many, so very many express not just anger, but really truly hateful things at people we don't know on behalf of people we didn't know.  Those reactions more than anything else stuck with me.  The confusion at those reactions.

But like I said, I didn't know anyone involved, and it never really hit close to home so at the time I moved on.  So then why, I asked myself, did I break down reading it to my kids?  I think I know part of the answer.  Because now I am a mother I feel a whole lot more connected to strangers.  Because those strangers are somebody's cherished babies.  Somebody's proud parent.  And also I know because the confusion and loss hasn't ended.  There are places in the world right now that somebody is loosing someone that they cherish all too soon.  There I was on that warm blanket sitting in the sun reading books with my kids in safety and I know that isn't the reality for so many.

I dont have an end to this post. Maybe because I'm not the most articulate writer, but also perhaps because this topic hasn't ended because life hasn't ended.  I just hope to teach my children love and kindness because those are the things I hope will win in the end.