I Was Wrong

There are times when you look at a situation and you are unhappy about it. Then you realize that the reason you are unhappy is because you're wrong. Well, at least that happens to me. Here is how I know I need to change:

• There is a card on my desk that Heather and I got at the beginning of the year. On it is a photo of an elderly couple cuddling and talking to each other. Under it a statement says, "Love each other or perish."
• Tonight I was helping out with my activity in my ward and I asked the girls I was working with how their weekends went. They didn't really say anything interesting until one of them said, "Can I brag about my roommates for a second?" She proceeded to tell me what great things her roommates, the other girls in the kitchen, had done that last weekend.
• I read out of my 14,000 things to be happy about book tonight.

These three things in conjunction made me realize that I have been unhappy in Provo this last while because I have chosen to be. Yes, there are challenges in my life that make it more difficult, but I have chosen to be upset at those things. Yes, my roommates have done things that either hurt my feelings or annoyed me, but what good is it to point those out? I feel that of the choice between "love" and "perish" I have chosen the latter. I'm not quite sure when the excited about what is going on in my life changed to muddling through. I realized tonight that I secretly or not so secretly have had such a negative outlook at work and at school and in my apartment. Perhaps my little black rain cloud that I put all my grievences in has been really what has been making me unhappy. There are plenty of things in my life to be happy about! I need to remember that! I need to stop being wrong. Now, I just have to get myself out of the rut I'm in.

Dooby Doo

Well, it was well worth the wait.

In order to tell this story a little exposition is necessary so here goes. I have a locked mailbox. You use a key to get into the mail and if you have a package, or as we like to say in the mail industry a parcel, they put it in the parcel box and put the key to the box in your mailbox so you can get it out. Apparently for some the two key holes in the parcel box can be a little confusing.

Last friday I recieved a package from my sister. They put it in the parcel box and the key in our mailbox. One of my roommates went to get the mail that friday. She shoved the key in the wrong hole and then turned so hard it broke. Yes, that's right. I think she's wonderwoman or something, breaking metal and all. Anyway, the package was kept hostage in its mailbox prison for several days. I called and I called and I called the post office and I was just getting the run around. At one point my another roommate said we should just break into it and get the present out. I was really tempted, but the whole that probably being a federal offense issue kept me from destroying the box. Anyway, on Wednesday I decided to go down to the post office. I waited there for 45 minutes to finally get someone to take my name and mailbox location to go fix it. It was a horrible fiasco and I was mad because my birthday present was being kept from me and it wasn't my fault.

Skip to yesterday. I go to get the mail myself, hoping that something has been done. I round the corner of my apartment with my confidence building with each step. There is indeed a new key in parcel box number 5 (the evil box that ate the key) and there is no key in parcel box 4. I rush to the my mailbox (#14) and open it in eager anticipation. There it was! The saving key! My parcel was indeed in box #4! Happy Birthday to me! YEAH! I slide the key into the correct lock turn and open the door. There is a present for me! It is wrapped in brightly colored paper (which technically you're not supposed to do because it's some sort of safety hazard and also it gets caught in the machine. It must have this time because the paper on the bottom of the box was torn) and the gleam shining from off the paper was a promise of the exciting present that lay inside. I took the box out and walked/ran back to my apartment to open in.

I layed it on the table and ripped off the paper. What a joyous moment. I saw the Crate&Barrel logo on the box and I thought to myself, "Yeah, she got me some dishes! I'm going to like this!" Well let me tell you, it was WAY better than I thought! In my box of joy was:
1) Two place settings of plate, bowl, and cup from Crate&Barrel (possibly the cutest new dishes I will ever own)
2) A new outfit that coincidentally matches the dishes. It is a green skirt with a blue camisole and a green and blue jacket. (WAY CUTE! Even though that's a very Utah thing to say.)
3) waffer cookies (Yumm!)
4) A leprechaun pen that punches when you push the buttons on the back. It will go well with my collection of other interesting pens.
5) A waterbottle with a cool bunny twisty straw (I thought this was an appropriate Easter tie in)
6) A big balloon thingy that you have the elastic string on and you can bounce it off your hand. This is probably one of my favorite games to play. I LOVE THEM. I just can't figure out how to tie it so that the end will stay in the balloon. Maybe I'll take it home so that mom can show me how to tie it and then I'll take it back and tie it at home so I can enjoy hours of fun. The only downside of this is that playing with the balloon will possibly be the most annoying thing ever to the people around me.
7) A pack of Scooby Doo playing cards.

WHAT A GREAT BIRTHDAY PRESENT! My sister is the best at giving presents! It was well worth the wait! Thanks Katie! She told me that she was curious about what my favorite would be. How can you make a decision like that with so many great things?! It's really impossible. I like the jacket, because I've always wanted one and never been able to get one for myself. I like the big balloon thingy because I know it will provide hours of entertainment. I like the dishes because they are so cute! (I think I'm going to end up like my mom. I get too excited about dishes already.) Anyway, that's the closest thing I could come up with to having a favorite. Thanks again!

Zen

So I'm at work. There are things I COULD do at work if I wanted to, but I'm here all by myself and I have no drive to do any of them. Being at work is my one relaxing time in the day. I have no deadlines and really no specific task. I just do the work as it comes in. Since I'm here all by myself I also do it at the rate I feel is appropriate for that day. Today I have a test that I'm stressed about. That is why I'm taking it easy at work. If I'm going to have to stress the rest of the day I might as well have a little time to just relax.

On another note. It has been really rainy the past few days. Well, rainy/slushy. At first I was kinda miffed about this. Then everything started to get really green. I stopped complaining because it is making things so beautiful here! It would be nice if it weren't such a cold rain, but I'll take what I can get.

Mounting Frustration

I have a certain roommate that is getting on my nerves. I have tried to just let it go, I have tried to talk to her about it, I have tried to forget. Then the next time I talk to her I am instantly angry again. I know it is my choice to get angry, but sometimes I honestly do feel like I have no control. What should I do? Its getting to the point that I never want to see her face. Grr, I wish I could just relax and be friends. She really is a great girl, I just can't stand her.

Stoned and Loved

Yes, I had a kidney stone. It was basically one of the most painful experiences of my life. No I didn't keep the stone or even take photos of it. I was just glad to have it out of me. It did let me know how much my family and friends love me. I have been flooded with calles the last couple of days. Thanks to all of you! I am loved!

Lord of the Flies

Today, as I was walking up onto campus to the Islamic Discussion, I used the usual route-the stairs on the southeast side. There is this pile of rocks that are stacked up so that people don't run over the curb on this driveway at the bottom of the hill. Instead of being really effective at stopping cars, the rocks just get knocked over all the time. I noticed that they had been stacked back up this morning and on top of the pile was a conch shell. Instantly I thought of Lord of the Flies, I don't really know why the shell only reminds me of that book. Anyway, I get closer and someone has written on the shell "Be CONCH-ous" I thought that was pretty funny.

Homebody

Last weekend I went home, the weekend before that I went to Denver, the weekend before that I was in Salt Lake with my grandma, before that I was in Logan. This weekend, sadly enough, I couldn't figure a way out of Provo. I decided that it might be good to have a break from trying to catch up from being out of town every weekend. Plus, my daddy is coming into town on Sunday and I told him I would drive him to the airport so I couldn't really split. I decided that I'd be a homebody tonight and tomorrow. I told myself this would be good. I needed to relax.

Now it's Friday night and tomorrow's my birthday and I'm sitting here wishing I were somewhere else. Tomorrow I have to go to a pannel discussion on the Islamic Jihad, which I think will be very interesting, and then write a paper about it, also I have an optomitrist appointment. It would be really nice to get some studying done for this big biochem test I have next wek, which I am totally unprepared for. None of these things are really birthday things, but I feel I need to get them done. Depressing, but true. My friend Mary wants to take me out to lunch, which is so nice of her, but I'm just not in the mood. I don't feel like it's a very Happy Birthday. It doesn't feel like tomorrow will be anything special. I don't want to have to pretend that I'm having a happy birthday when I'm really not. Do I have any real reason not to be happy? Well, not really. I'm just not right now.

Uugh! Oh well, maybe it'll be sunny and I'll wake up in a great mood. Who knows. Till then I think I'll read a book and go to bed.

Changes and the Tao

BYU made me change my email program. They're changing to a new system and I HATE IT! Well, I realize that this new system will probably be better for most of the people here at BYU, but I liked the old system. It worked for me. Before the new emails were listed on the bottom of the screen, like the end of this list of things that people who love me wanted to tell me. Each day was like finding something else new and exciting added to my list. Now they appear at the top. I don't like this. Its disconcerting to find them at the top. I like the old way. It was easy to use and I was comfortable with it. My resistance to change has kept me with this old email system even during times when I could have acquired myself a newer better system. Now, a change must be made against my will. I was recently confronted with my lack of flexibility in one of my classes.

In my religion class we were studying Taoism. It was pretty cool. They talked of becoming one with the ultimate Tao. That all things in life and really all life is governed by the Tao (not a diety, more of an energy force kinda.) The Tao is described as being a river. The individual experience is described as being the twig in the river. No matter how hard the twig tries to go against the river it will fail. Happiness is brought by going along with the flow of the river. So things that happen to you in your life happen for a purpose and you should try to deal with them the best you can. This will bring you to the ultimate.

I was realizing today that I am always going against the Tao. Not that I really ascribe to this philosophy per se, but I understand it. Did you know that I still put two spaces after every period at the end of the sentence, even though we're not supposed to in the new writing style? I also fight off this desire to put a comma after each thing in a list. You know, right before the and. Ex. I like trees, flowers, and grass. See, you're not supposed to use that last comma, but I like to because when I was taught commas in the thrid grade my teacher said it was my choice. Then they changed the rules on me.

So along with my antiquated punctuation, my basic instinct to stay with the known has made me realize that I don't really follow the Tao all that much I don't think. Do you think that effects my happiness?

6 AM

There's nothing worse than feeling like the bad roommate at 6 AM! Here's the situation:
Last night I fell asleep at around 9:30PM. Yeah, I know that's early, but it feels like I haven't really been getting the sleep I need/want lately. Plus, I had nothing left that was really pressing as far as school goes. This is an off week for me. So I woke up a little before 10PM, changed into my PJ's and then in my groggy mind thought, "I know I have something that needs to get done in the morning before I get to school so I'd better get up at 6 AM." You know by that last sentence that I must have been pretty tired because my classes don't start until 10 AM and, as I said before, this is an off week. Perhaps I did need to get up, but not that early. That is exactly what I thought when it the alarm went off this morning. I thought, "What was I thinking?" So I turned it off and went right back to sleep. This would not have been any big deal, except that I have a roommate. You know how some people wake up easily and can't go back to sleep? That's her alright. I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER! She has always been this way. Also, she has a new boyfriend so she's staying up later. The only thing is that when she comes in late she never wakes me up. I sleep right through it. So I'm cutting her sleeping time off, but thus far she hasn't disturbed my sleep time in the slightest. My logical question then would be who is the bad roommate? ME! I hate that feeling.

Plus, on a deeper layer of this issue, she is my best friend. I honestly could hang out with her everyday and not get sick of her. I realized this morning that since she has acquired this new guy, who I really do think is a great guy for her, she spends time with him. I didn't realize how jealous I was getting! I think this guy is great for her and I'm so happy she has someone that can take her mind off school for a while and that she can have fun with! I want her to go and have fun! Why can't I be a more understanding roommate? I thought I was being understanding, but I realized today, although I haven't really complained about it, I should change my attitude. Maybe I'll do something special for her today!

Beaver Nation

So I officially got my acceptance to OSU via email. It was the dorkiest thing I've ever seen. They welcomed me into the "Beaver Nation." Pretty awesome. Despite the weird acceptance (a regular mailed letter will be following) I'm pretty excited to have that officially done with. Now the next steps can be taken to start my new life.

I also recieved another package this week. Yesterday a small box came to me from Daniel. In it included a cute card, my fossil tin that my watch (Valentine's Day present) came in, two pairs of fun St. Patrick's Day sox, and the biggest T-shirt I've ever had given to me. It smelled like him so I wore it to bed. Sentimental, yes, but it made me feel so much better.

Whil I was gone this weekend all the rest of the daffodils bloomed! They are so beautiful! My favorite are the miniature variety with the orange centers. Either that or the pale yellow ones that are almost white.

I have needed to go grocery shopping for a little over two weeks now. I am litterally down to spaghetti noodles and oatmeal. Katie gave me a bag of Mint Milano cookies and two yogurt cups which have helped me the last two days now. But I've eaten both of them. It looks like I will actually have to step into that torture chamber and actually purchase groceries.

I spent so much time cleaning my romm and apartment and now, only 1.5 days after my return I've made it horribly messy again! I guess I'd better go clean it.

Special Occasion Speech

Well, this week's assignment in my public speaking class is to write and give a 4 minute special occasion speech. It could be for any occasion and any person. Although it does not nearly do her justice here's my speech.

Occasion: Mother's Day Toast
Person: My mom

There are those for whom a simple thank you would never be enough, and yet that is all they ask for. They have a seemingly inexhaustible source of strength, giving, and love. The true glory that is held in that person perceived through the thankful eyes of those blessed by them shines like a beacon. In my experience there have been very few of these pillars, yet when examining the framework of my life those people have held up my roof of dreams.

Alongside my daddy, my mom is one of the pillars in my life. It seems as though I could never do enough or give enough accolades to her to really convey her awesome beauty. My mother seems to have accomplished quite gracefully what many women today see as impossible. She was and is a mom that works. This is precisely how I have always perceived her role in the family. Her job was never her career, it was a way for her to bless her children’s lives. With all the demands on her time, I never really registered that perhaps she could be doing something other than being with me. When I was little she was at every school concert and show. She was a frequent mom on field trips and I learned to love the zoo from her. Looking at today’s society I wonder to myself–how did she do it?

My mom has always taught me the potential that I hold. Growing up my sister and myself would always get dolls for presents. Alongside these would always be telescopes, microscopes, and science kits. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t KNOW I would get a college education. When I want to give up, let go, or just plain stop trying she always gives me a loving nudge in the forward direction.

Being a gracious person has always been important to my mother. She knows how to carry herself with confidence and charm. In her line of business she coordinates all sorts of functions and parties, yet all the times I’ve seen her help others organize receptions of their own, she knows how to support them and not butt in. She taught me how to write a proper thank you note and promptly mail it. She knows her worth and quietly lives up to it.

It has only been recently that I have realized the sacrifices that my mom has made for me. When I was a junior in high school my mom got one of the best job offers of her career. If she would only move from Spokane to Salt Lake, she could be an area manager–a significantly higher position in status and pay. Another benefit to this move was it would bring her back to her family who live here in Utah. She turned it down. I would have had to go to a new school for my senior year in high school. She never complained and I, regrettably, never acknowledged the sacrifice.

My mom did so much for me today. With my wedding exactly four months from now my mom is in high gear. Today she just called me with an estimate for the caterer in between some of her tasks at work. She is in the middle of a big career change and yet seems to be wrapped up in my wedding. Again, as always I am amazed.

With all the pandemonium in our lives and with Mother’s Day on the way I’ve been thinking about my mom. Although my words right now don’t really seem to do her justice, I would just like to say thanks Mom.