Monday, September 03, 2007

Talents

All I can say is that it's a good thing my husband isn't vain at all. When we got married he suggested I buy clippers so I could cut his hair. I bought a set of clippers. I proceeded to be the sole person that cuts my husband's hair. I have absolutely no training, but I got a video tape with the set. (You can easily see where this is going I'm sure.) After watching the tape (which was produced in the 80's and had little to no value in teaching me to cut my husband's hair, that is unless he wants a flat top) I started in on his head. The first year of our marriage was a bad hair year for my husband. On the plus side we did find out that about a week and a half to two weeks later his hair looks just as good as if it were cut by a professional.

Now I would like to say that I think I'm pretty ok at cutting my husband's hair. I have developed my own system that I use every time. My idea is that with repetition I might just perfect the system. Here's how it goes:
  1. Use the clippers on the bottom 2/3 of his head.
  2. Get his whole head wet.
  3. Realize that I still haven't shaved his neck and around his ears so towel dry is head.
  4. Use the clippers on his neck.
  5. Get his head wet again.
  6. Get out the scissors.
  7. Accidentally scrape the comb across the top of both ears while combing it out.
  8. Cut a T to divide the top of his head into 4 quadrants. This I will use as a guide later so that it's all even.
  9. Lose where the T was and make another one.
  10. At this point I get sort of confused about the two different T's because of course one is shorter than the other. Since I can't make hair longer I use the shorter of the two T's.
  11. Fill in the rest of the four quadrants so that the hair is longer on the top of his head than on the sides.
  12. Proclaim the job finished.
  13. Spend the rest of the night looking funny at him because I cut one side longer than the other.
  14. Decide to do something about it the next night and cut the other side even with the first.
  15. Spend the next two weeks finding spots that I didn't cut as short as others.
  16. Call them "texture" when husband asks me about it.

All I can say is it's really good that my husband isn't vain. He honestly thinks I'm good at cutting hair! I think I'm better at cutting hair than I was and one day I might be good enough to get it right on the first try. By then though, he'll probably just go to the barber again. Sometimes I just have to laugh at myself!

5 comments:

Heather said...

That's why Matt always just shaves all of his hair off with the clippers himself (I'm not sure what setting he uses, it's short, but not too short). Then I go back and shave his neck and around his ears for him. This system works great!

Maggie said...

Heather,

That is a good system for hair cutting. The more important issue here is that when you comment on my blog you get me all excited. I think to myself, "Ooh! Heather's been blogging! I need to go see if she posted anything about her life right now. Maybe she'll say something about her coming baby! Maybe something about being pregnant! Maybe something about her new house! Maybe something! Anything!" Then I rush over there and you haven't posted. Then my hopes are crushed! I don't want to disuade you from commenting here, but I miss hearing your off beat sense of humor sometimes. (You're driving me crazy!) I hope all is well with you! I also hope you have fun at your baby shower. It'll be great and I know this becuase your sister's in charge of it and she always does really cute and fun stuff. I'll hear from you soon, I'm sure.

Heather said...

I will posting something today just for you. I promise!

The Barkers said...

You had me rolling because I totally remember those days!!!!

Maggie said...

Kathy-

I knew you would find this funny.