Amnesia

I forgot that when I'm pregnant I need to eat every two hours. What a pain. I'm running out of cheap, yummy, no prep snacks here at a quick rate. I wish I were still living with my grandparents. They can always pull out a snack from nowhere. Today's my first doctor's appointment. Wish me luck!

A special kind of torture

It's really good that Charlotte and I had such an uplifting week last week.


This week she's sick.


Nobody, but someone who has experienced it, knows the mental, physical, and emotional torture that you go through when your precious little baby gets sick. Sure it's just a cold, and teething at the same time, but the sound that she makes while trying to breathe makes me want to scream. Which I did today, twice. In the back of my mind I think that makes me a bad mom, but I've resolved to do better tomorrow. When I lose my patience, it only makes things worse. I just keep thinking of moms with truly sick children, and wonder how on earth they manage to cultivate such patience, love, and understanding. I guess you learn when you have to.

Last Night

If you want to see photos of what we did last night click here.

All of my photos didn't turn out because if I took them with the night setting they were too fuzzy (my daughter can't hold still that long) and if I took them with the action flash all you saw was her. Anyway, we had tons of fun.

Big News

At times of introspection, my mind has been painting an image of my family. In this image my husband is courageously, excitedly, and joyously leading us over an incredibly large, deep and scary crevasse. He’s done it before in real life so it’s not that difficult an image for my mind to conjure. He knows where he wants our feet to fall and what he desires for our end result. Before we set out on this journey we talked about it and I agreed that I also desired the same things. Now though, as I’ve left the safe and sure ground we were standing on my courage fails me.

I am still excited for our end result. I’m still excited about the strongholds in between. It’s just that now I’m faced with the reality of how difficult the route we’ve made for ourselves might actually be. My husband always thought I could do more difficult climbs than I believed I could.

What’s one of the most important things to remember about situations like this? Don’t look down. So what happened that made me look down to where my feet are? Because our next step is a big one. Huge. I’m not so sure my legs can span the gap from one to two children. I feel like I’ve mentally planted both feet on the safe keep the status quo rock and I’m trying to prepare for the next step. I remember how much work it took to pull ourselves up from zero to one and my mind can only see how it must be all the more difficult to leap from one to two.

When I say that to myself though I remember Daniel telling me that you’re not supposed to get stuck in the middle of a big step. Keep your momentum going from step to step. Never put your feet on the same rock. You’re unstable that way and could easily fall.

So then I try to alter the image in my mind. I give myself a little more courage, a little more faith, and a little more strength. I hold Daniel’s hand tighter and I grasp Charlotte’s hand as I lead her along with us. Together the three of us will courageously, excitedly, and joyously become four.

Whistling a different tune

Dan and I thought about getting a cat for Charlotte for Christmas. Really, she's not yet two, the cat would be for us, but she'd love it. Anyway, after looking at the cost incurred in feeding and cleaning up poop, we decided to wait a while. (I know you all are saying, it doesn't cost a lot, but that was our decision.) Also, I didn't want to have to deal with Charlotte choking it, pulling it's tail, or loving it to death. A few nights ago something happened to make me reconsider.

Dan saw a mouse. If we see another one it might be time to get a cat.

Please don't forget

Dear Self,

I know sometimes you forget things that seem little in the moment. Usually that's not a big deal, but sometimes it is. THIS time it's a big deal. Don't forget this week. Please, don't forget how great this week has been with your daughter. Remember how on Monday she snuggled/napped with you for an hour after her nap time and you just got to lay there, still, playing with her hair and loving her. Remember how in love with her you were that day. How it seemed like nothing and nobody could ever come between your love for her. Remember how on Tuesday she played with the lavender baby wash and then smelled of it all day long. She thought it was great and because of that so did you. Remember how it felt last night to come in after she woke up crying late in the evening (lights on this time). You hugged her and her little body clung to you and you could fix anything right then. Remember how great it is not just to be a mom but to be Charlotte's mom. Please don't forget how wonderfully blessed you are.

Love,
Me

Living in an older home

Have I mentioned lately how much I love our new house? Because I really do. I practically float around my kitchen making dinner and snacks for my family.

One thing has been nagging at me since we moved in though. Well, since we had to remove the lead pipes in the bathroom really. Lead poisoning. I've been seeing billboards for lead safe St. Louis around town and so a few days ago I thought I'd look up the web site. Most of me thinks, this is silly. Our home is fine. I have no reason to worry. Part of me though thinks, we live in an older home. Our bathroom plumbing was lead. Some of the paint on the window sills is cracking. What if it's lead?

Turns out you can get lead testing done for free here in St. Louis because of the high number of lead poisonings that are found in the older homes in this area. So I called to schedule an inspection. At least that will let me stop worrying about our house is slowly killing us.

Resurrection Lilies

Remember that post a while back about the beautiful pink flowers in my back yard? They're all gone now, but I saw them again at the Botanical Gardens. I found out that they're resurrection lilies. Here's a photo (not from my backyard) I found for you.

Mine were just as beautiful, but there weren't as many of them. I'd like to plant more next year.

Twilight Zone

While Daniel's parents were here he and his father hung the fan in Charlotte's room. What a life saver! She no longer wakes up sweaty and cranky from every nap I give her. On the other hand I've found out that our house is haunted.

Here is why:

All the upstairs fixtures in our house are on pull strings. Annoying and not very good for resale. We wanted to replace the fixtures anyway so Daniel was thinking he'd wire switches behind a picture rail that he'd install and then down to a switch level. When we went to go get our new fixtures we decided to go with fans so that there can be more circulation of the air upstairs, cutting down on our heating and cooling bills. (I have a point here so stay with me.) We found out that you can get remote switches for your ceiling fans. You mount them on the wall just like a regular switch, but they run on a 9V battery so you don't have to run wire down the wall. Whoever thought of this idea was a genius and saved our family much time and frustration. We both jumped on this idea and never looked back.

Dan hung our fan in the master bedroom right away because I thought my body might melt while sleeping up there in the August heat. Everything worked great! The wall mounted remote switch works so well I can't even believe it. We didn't run into anything weird until a few days after Charlotte's fan was up.

Now in the middle of the night her light will mysteriously turn on. The fan doesn't switch on or off or change speed, but the light will switch on. It will eventually wake either of us up and we turn it off for her. Luckily it doesn't wake her up. The weird thing though? It only does this at night and only in her room. Both rooms run on the remote wall mounted switch, but only hers turns on. Strange very strange.

Dan says that there must be something else around here on the same frequency as the remote. Or that something is wrong with the wiring of the fan. You know what I say? I say we're haunted.

This is Funny Right?

Tonight my husband decided he had to study. Friday and Saturday (I think) are his first two tests of the term and his parents were in town this weekend so no studying happened. Well, he decided that he needed to take the two hours from 8-10 to study. I tried to help him by kicking him off the couch at 8, but it didn't work. He decided that he needed 10 minutes to just sit before getting off the sofa. He starts studying upstairs about a quarter after. Then at 5 to 9 he comes downstairs to "take a break" because he's been studying for an hour right? I'm ready to believe him until I look on his forehead and see three lines of notes imprinted backwards from where he fell asleep! He had no idea what was on his forehead so he kept trying to convince me that he'd done some good solid studying. I started to get the giggles so he asked why. When he saw his forehead he decided that he should probably go back upstairs to study some more.

Support

I've got nothing to post today, but I did want to direct all of you over to my sister's blog. She's having a silent auction to benefit Stephanie Nielson. Read about it over there.

Rolling

I have been told that my blog isn't funny enough so today I sat down to write a funny post. The only thing that I found funny in the last 24 hours involved poop and I don't really want to write about that. Plus, it's not really funny retold. It's kinda gross.

So I'll be on the lookout for something funny Dad and when I find it I'm posting it here.

In big letters.

And possibly yellow font.

Because yellow is funny right?

What font do you think is the funniest font?

If there was a problem then I solved it.

When Dan said, "I think I should try playing basketball twice a week this year instead of just once a week. I think that way I will really get enough of a workout in to maintain my fitness level," the other day I could have sworn my head exploded and blood came rushing out of my eyes. Apparently it didn't.

You see the problem I saw with this scenario don't you? You don't? Well, I was kinda mad that he got to work out two times each week without even worrying about what to do with Charlotte. He could just assume that I'd be fine with him being away from home. It never occurred to him that his exercise needs and my exercise needs both need to be met for optimum happiness in our home. Also, that we can't just leave our baby alone while going out.

Instead of addressing this issue like a rational mature person, I stewed. I stewed and I stewed and I stewed on this one until just the mention of basketball was going to send me over the edge. Then a miracle happened. One that probably saved my innocent, unknowing husband's life. A friend of mine that lives only blocks away complained that she can't ever exercise anymore with her little girl.

You don't think this is a miracle? Well, we came up with a plan. We borrowed some pilates DVDs from a friend and Charlotte and I go over to her house three days a week. The mommies exercise while the two girls play more or less successfully together. Now I get to exercise three times a week and I don't have to hurt my husband.

So I still don't get to go out running with Charlotte, but also I don't have to spend any money. Another great plus is that my friend and I both insist on exercising in the mornings so we don't have to get ready for the day twice. It's great.

When I told my darling husband about my new solution he was very happy for me, but was completely surprised that I even cared about how much basketball he did. I just had to laugh at the monumental argument we were having without him even being aware.

Better and Better

We have some friends here who have a little boy just older than Charlotte. I'd say in the range of 9 months. It's been really great to have them around because it's like looking into the future. Her little friend went through a phase where he wouldn't eat. Now Charlotte doesn't want to eat. He learned to stack blocks, and now Charlotte is stacking blocks.

I remember my friend saying that she just loved the 18 month age. That it was so exciting to have her son saying words and communicating with him. She said that being his mom was getting really fun again. When Charlotte was 9 months and just learning to walk I was thinking, "Yeah right! Nothing could be as fun as watching her taking her first steps!" Then a few months ago we went through a time that was not so much fun. Charlotte was whining all the time to try and communicate. Anything and everything elicited the same response. And I think I was going crazy. But this week I've really been remembering her remarks and realizing how true they were. Charlotte has exploded with words. True, most of them sound exactly the same, but she's trying and most of the time I can understand what she means. It is so much fun to say something to her and know that she knows what I'm saying because she responds. Also it has cut way down on her whining, which has the reverse effect on my sanity.

Not Spellchecked

Now that things are starting to settle into a livable level of organization in our home (will it ever be really organized-right now I don't think so) I'm realizing that I've got to get myself back into my happy routine. I vaguely remember a nice routine I had last year through the haze of construction dust. I just can't really seem to feel caught up. I feel like a contender on American Gladiators going through the eliminator. They make it so far and then they have to go up the, well, I can't remember the name of it right now, but it's the incline with the treadmill thingy on it. They've worked so hard to get there and they want to get going, but they just can't keep their feet under them. Yeah, that's kinda how it feels.

I really want to get Charlotte to walk to the library with me one day a week. It's only three blocks away. Then we'd get in some nice physical activity and we could check out some new books each week. I'd also like to start going to the botanical gardens again. I love being there and just letting Charlotte go wherever she wants to. It's great. I'd love to take her to Music Makers every Friday morning. She loves music and I think she can get a lot out of it. Also I want to keep her going to the Medical School Wives playgroup. I think it's good for her to interact with all the different aged kids there.

And then there are the things I want to do for me. I want to have my sewing space set up so that I could finally make the curtains I have fabric for. I also would love to start exercising again. I haven't been since we started this house deal and I realize now that I miss it. I tried to go running with Charlotte, but she's now too heavy to use a regular stroller. I've felt very good about using what I had, but I just can't do it anymore which basically means I'm not going to exercise again until I find a new solution to that problem. Also I would like to have time to either take a class (like my wood working one that was awesome) or read some more books. I also want to have time to go visit with my friends and just talk.

When you look at each of those things they aren't that much to do. It's when you add all of them into your schedule that things start bumping into one another. Especially when you realize that on top of all the things I want to do there are the things I have to do. I still have to unpack things and organize things and we still have to eat so I still have to go to the grocery store. The millions of little errands that will never end. Gah!

So how do I pick the best things? My tendency, and I know this about myself, would be just to cross off that whole paragraph about the things I want to do for me. That can't possibly be the right choice though. Each thing I cross off my list though brings a little bit of sadness, and if it's something I'd like to do for Charlotte a little bit of guilt. If I don't do it am I really being the best mother I can be? I don't mind making decisions between good and bad. I don't even mind really making decisions between good and better. It's hard when the choices are between good and good. Who's to say what the "right" choice is then?

Don't get me wrong, I know I am truly blessed to be able to have this dilemma. Many women, and I guess people in general, don't have all the many options I have. They don't get to choose their wants at all for various reasons. I am so grateful to have these decisions in front of me, but now which choice do I make?

Not a Photographer

Well we're done working on the house for now because Dan's school started up again last Monday. He came home last night all depressed because he's going to have to take Saturday to study. This is exactly what most of his Saturdays were like last year, but somehow he must have thought it wouldn't be the same this year. Yeah, right. So I thought I'd share a few photos of our house in this stage. I'm not a photographer and I had a hard time getting good angles to show off the rooms, but here's my best shot at it.

The Entry:

We found this table on Craigslist for $20. Originally it's a sewing machine table where the machine sits inside and the top flips open and then the machine comes up, but the insides are broken. We're just using it as a hall table so that doesn't matter anyway.Do you like the circle rug? I love it.

The Living room:

If you're looking at this photo thinking, "Why on earth did she put horns above that mirror?" The answer was that my husband thought it was a funny, funny joke to hang them there. I like having something above the mirror, but those belong in the bedroom with the other cowboy stuff.

Notice the horns are gone. I thought this shot showed the paint colors nicely. Again, I haven't put out our decorations yet or put any window treatments up so it looks a little bare, but I'm just excited that the furniture is in! I thought this showed the layout of the room well. We kept going back and forth about that rug orientation. We're living with it like that for now and then I'm going to switch it and see what we like best.

The Bathroom:

It is very hard to get good photos of such a small space, but here's my attempt.
Those shelves are there until Dan can make the built in shelves behind the shower. That'll be a while so I decided to paint the shelves we already had and put them there in the mean time.

Dan and I both thought that the hotel shower curtain rod my dad insisted we get was a little silly, but now we love it. It makes your shower feel loads bigger, but doesn't take up any larger footprint in the room. What a great idea.

Well, that's it for now. What do you think? There's still no window treatments in any of the windows and it sort of feels like we're living in a fish bowl, but that will come as soon as it can.

Dear Sweetie,

I think I may be more in love with you today than ever before. I have loved listening to you work and play and enjoy our daughter all day today. Right now you're sanding wood, listening to a CD and singing along. It makes me smile to hear you sing, "If the whole world was a honky tonk." I love listening to you laugh with our daughter and explain what is going on outside. I woke up to you giving her a bath this morning and the two of you playing together. We have a lot to get done and we're working hard, but I needed to take a moment to remember today. What an amazing day. I love you with all my heart.

Love,
M

Boring

I sense that my short posts about the house are getting fairly boring for everyone. I'm sorry. There's only so much of me I can give and, well, the Internet gets the least of it. In fact that seems a theme of my life right now. There's only so much. Physical, emotional, and financial limitations are real and I seem to be running into all of mine at the moment. What is strange though is that I don't seem to be feeling as overwhelmed about that fact as I used to get. I sort of feel like I'm living inside of a Dave Ramsey book. I write down what I would like to have done (in my head) and who I would like to see or help then I face the fact that there's no way on earth that I'm going to get it all done. I work and give and help until I go to bed and I say to myself, "The other stuff was below the line." I feel bad that I can't get to all of it, but tomorrow will be the day for the next thing on my list. Mostly I just feel bad about all the people over the summer that I would have loved to see, visit with and get to know.

Usually my mantra is that the mopping can wait, but right now it's not mopping that is requiring my attention. It's the whole house. And it can't wait. Dan's going back to school next week. On Monday he went in to talk to the head of the ortho department and left me alone with Charlotte and it nearly killed me. I forgot how hard it is to try and accomplish something while being the sole person watching her. Now I'm very, very worried about school starting. My way of dealing with it to pretend like it doesn't exist. I'm focusing on this week, this job, this time we have together instead of the looming school year.

So I'm boring right now. Things might pick up later. Just remind me in a month about what Dan thought would be a good dinner for Charlotte, or what wildlife we see in our backyard even though we live in the center of a big city, or the color of our porch right now, or the beautiful flowers that were growing in our backyard. We never even knew about them until they burst forth with a brilliant pink bouquet. I can see them from my kitchen windows and I love them. I wonder what kind of flower they are and how I can keep them coming back next year. (So OK I've told you about the flowers, but I love them and I kept it short.)

Squeals!

My living room is painted. Yes, there's a big hole in the ceiling, but that'll be fixed Tuesday. We also set our furniture up in there so it's looking less and less like a construction zone and more and more like a house. We are also working on the bathroom. I painted the baker's shelves I had to put in there until Dan gets around to make our built in shelves. I measured them and found they would fit snugly, but that would look great. Then when I went to put them in I realized that I measured the skinniest part of the shelves and the widest part of the opening. Now I'm laughing at myself. Oh well, they'll work in there sideways until the built ins are there. This week is all about getting ready for the family picnic for the incoming SLU med student families. It's at our house and so we need our house to well, look like a house.

Charlotte just emptied all of Dan's Netter's Anatomy Flash Cards on the floor. I gotta go.

I was going to say

I was going to write this post about how we finally chose the family room colors together. How there's a beautiful blue above the picture rail. We painted all the wood trim too. And today we were fondly calling "Operation Gobi Desert." The color for the main part of the wall is called Gobi Desert. All that was going to happen.

Then Dan inspected the stain in the ceiling that kept coming through the primer. The stain was wet. Turns out that the T-joint in the plumbing to the vanity in the bathroom was s-l-0-w-l-y dripping down onto the ceiling and that's why the stain kept coming through. Dan went to work trying to fix the darn thing without having to completely rip everything to shreds. He was hoping to salvage some of Operation Gobi Desert. Then Lowe's was out of stock for the part he needed. Then the Home Depot apparently didn't even carry that part. We were forced to abort the mission.

At 6 PM he found the part he needed to fix the leak.

Tomorrow will be Operation Gobi Desert.

And Operation Bath time. (We were both skipped yesterday and were planning on this morning before the leak happened.)