One of the biggest shocks I've had in my life lately came from a casual comment one of my very good friends said to me. We had been talking about how many unexpected struggles we have encountered in motherhood. I can't remember exactly what she said, but it was something to the effect of, when she sees me and how good I am with my kids she sometimes gets discouraged.
This was shocking for a few reasons. First is that I think that she is an amazing mom. One "secret" about motherhood is that although we may love our kids, we don't get to choose their personality. Often times, for me anyway, it is working through the clashes in personality and will within our home that are some of the biggest things my family works on. I think she does this quite well so it was shocking to hear that she may not think so.
The second reason that this shocked me is that we are close enough friends that I feel she's seen me truly lose it with my kids. I mean lose it where I end up having to go back and apologize to my kids. I don't know if other mothers have to do this, but I've lost it before and then felt even more guilt for yelling at my kids. Then I have to go back and apologize and explain to them about my behavior being naughty and doing what I can to fix it. I don't know if everyone agrees with this parenting philosophy, but that's what seems fair to me. I know that she's seen this happen, so it shocks me to think that she has this idea that I'm such a "good mom" it would actually be difficult to be her true self around me.
After thinking about this for a while I think I've learned a few things. First is that, at least for my friend and I, we are harsher on ourselves than we are on others. Why is that I wonder? I'm sure Heavenly Father loves so much despite our imperfections. Why can't we do the same? Second, no matter how close you are to a friend, you never can see behind a closed door or into another's heart. I think I need to ask more questions and wait to listen to the entire answer. Third, being a true friend is to have patience with your imperfections and those of the people around you and being honest and happy about it. I see so much beauty in my friends here in St. Louis that it is heart wrenching to leave them.
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3 comments:
It's always interesting to learn what others see in us - and what they see in themselves. It is often so different from the images we have. Even while we are passing through similar experiences, we see things from different perspectives. I think it helps us be less judgemental with others and with ourselves when we get these glimpses of another person's view. We think you are doing a great job as a mom in the difficult circumstance as a "med student wife.".
She probably thinks your an awesome mom because she has seen you lose it and then go back and apologize for the "naughty" behavior. That is a very powerful example to your children and your friend.
Dude,
She's totally right. You are an EXCELLENT mom. I take lessons from your behavior and file them away for the future all the time.
I think everyone looses it...but the very fact that you go back to them, apologize and admit you aren't perfect is teaching them SO much. And you probably couldn't teach that lesson any more vividly than through your actions.
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