I was talking to my mom on the phone yesterday when I realized something that totally shocked me. I was raised by two feminists! How could that have happened without me knowing it?! It did though. I just thought we were normal, but I think now I might have been wrong. Not once growing up did I ever think that girls couldn't be as smart as boys, that they couldn't grow up and do anything they wanted to, that girls were in any way inferior to boys. My parents never tried to tell me that boys and girls were the same but I always got the message that they were equal. Because that idea makes total sense to me I guess I just took it for granted that everyone thinks this.
My dad once said to me, "The best thing I could ever do for my kids was to marry a smart woman." (You can tell that one stuck with me.) And he did just that. And I think both of my parents in their own way worked toward shaping my sister and I into smart, capable women as well.
I don't know what Dan's home was like growing up. In many ways vastly different than mine I'm sure. I don't know if I could say what his parents taught their children on the topic of gender relations or women's rights, but I do see the fruit of their labors. They have two daughters who are fiercely independent. And both at one time or another work/ed to support their families. There had to be some teaching about the strength, and intellect of women going on in that home to produce that.
Now, though, I am realizing that not everyone thinks this. Equality and respect can be talked about and taught, but kids are smart and they may pick up on attitudes around them without anyone even saying anything. That, in fact, boys and girls learn ideas radically different from equality and respect and I wonder where the ideas are coming from. I don't want any of my children to think this. I want them to reject the negative examples they may see. I never want my children to think that I stay home because I can't do anything else. I stay home because that is what I want to do. And also that this work I'm doing right now is something I value just as much as I value the work that their dad does in healing people and providing income for our family. My marriage looks very different than what I saw in my parent's marriage growing up, but I don't think that means that we can't show our children that we are both equally responsible for raising them, and keeping our home together headed in a direction of love and respect.
And I don't think that should be shocking to anyone.
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3 comments:
Right on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
High five Maggie. PS love your Christmas card
Let's see if I can articulate this. I think we tried to raise the kids as "individualistic achievers": A person should be judged on the results & merits of their efforts weighed against their capabilities. Since we had a "mixed bag" of kids, "you go, girl" wouldn't have worked for everybody. Also, you should try lots of different activities but you had to finish whatever you started unless injury or illness prevented it. You didn't have to repeat something you hated next year/season. Music is valiable -so pick an instrument. There are real physiological differnces that are gender based and sometimes they count- hey, we were a doctor's family & we had to respect the science. I wasn't raised a feminist - mom thought my career goal should be to become "Della Street" while I though if I was going to do law, I should be "Perry Mason". My dad's advice when he dropped me off at BYU: "Remember, men don't date girls who score better than they do on chem tests..." On my own I decided that if I was qualified to do something, it would be ridiculous not to pick the best person- it never occurred to me that I couldn't do something I was qualified to do. One of the first things Dan told us about you was that you were smart & proud of it -he really liked that about you & your intelligence is important to him.
Clarify or explain anything about your husband that has been puzzeling?
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